Mailing A Chicken: Expensive, But Worth It.

My Dad was a letter carrier when this was their logo. He rode a flying horse but did not deliver chickens (Image via Wikipedia)

I swung by the Post Office this afternoon. I expected to take care of shipping something and move on.

I got to do that, but not until I was educated.

I have considered what I learned and run the numbers on it. There is no doubt that I will use the information gained this afternoon in the future.

Unexpectedly Educational

I was third in line at the post office. A woman who seemed to be mailing wedding invitations was in front of me. The two men in front of her were mailing six big boxes, five were on the floor and one was on the scale being weighed.

One of the boxes on the floor moved. No one touched it. It moved.

The boxes were labeled “live bird”. I eventually saw all six boxes move and cluck as they were each being weighed and taken behind the counter. The men were mailing chickens.

Did you know you could mail a chicken? Me neither.

$541.25

The men mailed six chickens overnight to California. They were dropped at a Post Office in Charlotte at 1:30 yesterday, they’ll arrive in California today by noon.

It only cost the men $541.25.

Clearly, this is some exceptional poultry. Let’s do some math, shall we?

Yes, I’m Going To Do Math

There are people reading this who are laughing at the idea of me doing math. If you’re one of those people, I will be here doing some calculation while you get yourself together.

The men spent $541.25 to send six chickens on the trip of their lifetime. That comes out to over $90 per bird. One of the men asked how much one of the packages weighed, the clerk told him just over 6 pounds. Let’s eliminate the box, for arguments sake, and say the chicken was 6 pounds.

Parmesan, The Chicken (Image via Wikipedia)

$90 divided by 6 pounds equals $15 per pound of chicken…and that is counting feathers, feet and face. Off the top of my head I am going to say I pay $2.50 per pound for chicken breast. What about these chickens are so exceptional that they are worth an additional $12.50 per pound? I can’t imagine it. Perhaps these chickens lay Chicken Parmesan instead of eggs.

I would pay $90 for a chicken that produced Chicken Parmesan. I can’t imagine why these men paid $541 to mail non Parmesan producing chickens across the United States.

Wait, Yes I Can.

There is only one reason to put out $15 per pound for a chicken that does not produce breaded cheesy, tomato sauced chicken goodness.

A joke. Yes, a great joke.

Imagine coming home from a long day at work and finding a package on the front porch. It is a chicken, from me. It clucks, squawks  and occasionally jumps in the box. It sounds a little irritated. Of course it is irritated, it has been in a box for 24 hours and is really jet lagged.

Do you want to open that box? Of course not. So you’d call me and say something like “what am I supposed to do with this thing?” I’d say something helpful, like “ha ha ha ha”. 

You can’t keep it in the box. You don’t want to let it go run around your house. You can’t throw it away. You’d have to make calls. The calls would start with sentences like “I’ve got this chicken I have to get rid of.”  What would become of your fowl? How long would you have to deal with the chicken problem?

Someday we’d both laugh about your dilemma. Of course on that delivery day, it would just be me laughing…and that is what makes it a great joke.

The time is coming. Poultry will be mailed. It will be a great use of $90.

I just went to mail something off, I got knowledge I can use.

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