Dr. Evil, watermelons, hygene and the bag boy

I went grocery shopping yesterday afternoon. I saw some things that needed to be written about, but not so much that any of them deserved a big long post.

I call this my watermelon

I call this my "watermelon"

First off, apparently Dr. Evil works in the produce department of my grocery store. He was transferring watermelons from one big cardboard bin to another when I walked in. I didn’t discuss it with him. You know how you see someone who has kind of slipped and you just kind of don’t say anything and move on to try and let them keep their dignity? It was like that.

For the first time, I noticed they sell this stone thing on a stick to clean your john with. It seems to me that if you need a rock to clean your toilet, you either have some significant dietary issues or need to be a little more attentive to hygene.

Dude, I just made a choice. Lets not get carried away, shall we?
Dude, I just made a choice. Let’s not get carried away, shall we?

At the register, I got asked the eternal question, paper or plastic. I made my choice. The bag boy responded excitedly, “awesome, sir.”

There are things that are awesome. Sunset in the Keys. Being there when my son was born. My wife’s laugh. My choice of bags is routine for both of us, kid. Calm down.
While I’m picking on you Mr. Bag Boy, there’s something you have to learn.  Subtlety. The girl and her mother you were staring at? Yeah, they were what I like to call “not blind”. Really, I saw mom drive away, so I’m certain she’s passed an eye test recently. I wouldn’t have been there in the parking lot when they left if you’d just put my stuff in the bags. Maybe I can get out the door and home before my vegetables turn to petroleum next time.
Listen man, there is a line between interested and creepy. You were on the wrong side of the line. Come back, before it’s too late. You with me on this? That will help us both. Awesome.

2 Comments on “Dr. Evil, watermelons, hygene and the bag boy”

  1. justsomebloke says:


  2. Davis says:

    I gotta get me one of them stone toilet cleaners. Either that or acid.

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