Staycation expert? I bet your mom is so proud.

On a recent morning TV show I saw, the hosts made a big deal over the fact that they would be having an expert on “staycations” on to help people who would not be traveling for summer vacation this year.

Let me begin with a short discussion of the concept of the staycation. It is a

I live here. I dont need advice on how to stay here. I already do. Alright, I dont live in this house. Its a metaphor for my real house

I live here. I don't need advice on how to stay here. I already do. Alright, I dont live in this house. Its a metaphor for my real house

stupid concept. People have always stayed home when they didn’t have money for a vacation. They called it “we are staying home”. There was no need for a special word, or an expert to tell them how to stay home.

Now, given that this dumb semantic foolishness  of staycation began in the past year when the economy went bad, I have to wonder, how does someone become a staycation expert? There certainly was not time to develop any sort of educational requirement or certification program.

So, I am guessing that a staycation expert is someone who took some time and looked up some cheap or free stuff to do. Maybe they sat around and brainstormed with another staycation expert on what they might do with limited resources.

Money for nothing.

Money for nothing.

In the end, the staycation expert got paid the day I saw the news pumping up their on air appearance. I think that’s what kills me. I could so easily be a staycation expert. I have stayed home. I did it without guidance or assistance.

I’m probably lucky I didn’t get hurt.

The secret to success is finding something you can attach the expert title to and having the nerve to present yourself as that expert. Once you do that, the checks start arriving. It doesn’t even have to be anything real, like staycation.

I’m leaving for vacation at the end of the week. I’m going to put significant amounts of adult beverage and time into considering what field I can invent to be an expert in.

Look for me soon on your local morning news show, being introduced by the perky anchors, or maybe sitting down for an interview with the weather man.

“Our guest this morning is Omawarisan, an expert in pizzaphonic communication. Omawarisan, what are your top pizza ordering tips?”

“Well Stormy, one of my favorite tips is to preprogram the pizza joint’s number into my cell phone for more efficient dialing.”

Yeah…I am soooooo going to get paid.

5 Comments on “Staycation expert? I bet your mom is so proud.”

  1. sekanblogger says:

    Okay, I lost my godamned job.
    The kids almost grown.
    The heat index is 110.

    I’m staying at home. I’m an expert.
    Just keepin’ it real.

  2. omawarisan says:

    Man, if I’d have known it was going to be you I’d have actually watched.

  3. frigginloon says:

    So I guess my word would be assalotting because I spent most of my time on it. Hows about micromessing I think I am a master at making small messes everywhere and I have a wealth of info on how to do it well!
    Polisniping – the art of pulling the piss on politicians or/and police.
    Geez Oma, I could go on forever!

  4. LOL. That is funny. How do you become an expert at staying home. I sit around the house all the time when I am off from work does that make me a staycation expert or just lazy? LOL.

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