Big, big news for handicapped rodents.

For a long time, there has been the urban legend that green M&M’s would, depending on the version of the story you adhere to, serve as an aphrodisiac, or lead to a pregnancy.

I recognize that, if they had the first quality, the latter would be an expected potential result.

Today, the news is that the dye in the blue candy can reduce the damage from spinal injuries. Apparently, this dye, when given to rats with spinal injuries, restores their ability to walk. It does leave them with a limp, and they temporarily turn blue.

Already thinking about buying a new motorcycle

Already thinking about buying a new motorcycle

This is really big news for rats, mice, and even squirrels involved in motor sports of any sort.

One thing I’d point out is that the article says nothing about mending broken skulls. If you have a motorcycle riding rat, I urge you to continue to insist that it wear a proper helmet whenever it goes out for a ride, even if it is just around the neighborhood.

Yellow, brown, red and orange remain unconnected with any sort of powers.

A mouse in a denim shirt

Remember this guy? I'm guessing there aren't enough green candies on the planet for him to have a good night.

In the interest of fairness, and to give people the opportunity to improve their lot in life simply by investing in candy, I’d like to assign mythical powers to the remaining colors.

I’m not hitting on any new ideas for what should go with which color. Actually, the fact that I’m even writing about this topic should make it self evident that this is not one of my deeper thinking days.

Let’s work together to help people less fortunate than ourselves by identifying the magical gift each shade of M&M can bestow on the person who consumes it.

Suggestions in your comments, if you please,  ladies and gentlemen.

As an aside, did you know if you search white mouse motorcycle in Yahoo image search a picture of Fabio comes up? Of course you did. I kind of resent being the last to find these things out.


9 Comments on “Big, big news for handicapped rodents.”

  1. Kathi D says:

    I believe orange would “cure” anyone of troublesome homosexual tendencies, sort of the Anita Bryant effect. An unfortunate side effect would be assholishness.

  2. fnord says:

    Those blue M&Ms appear to have melted in that rat’s hands, and then he scratched his ears and his nose!

  3. omawarisan says:

    Melt in his hands? Never!

    You know, the orange/Anita Bryant thing just sort of flows, doesn’t it? So they’d cure you and then make you judgemental and impose yourself on other folks?

  4. frigginloon says:

    I think the red ones should be a Sean Hannity repellent.

    Yellow ones give you the power of getting a green traffic light every friggin time.

    Stay away from the green if you don’t want man boobs.

    Everyone avoids the brown ones so let that be associated with housework.Make them magically dissolve in water to become a lovely smelling detergent.

  5. Keli says:

    I am very dismayed to learn the article discriminated against the motorcycle and even bicycle riding rats, of which I have plenty, which explains how they move so fast from place to place.
    The brown M&Ms are frequently hand removed by rock stars, such as Van Halen and Aerosmith. It seems they cause hair thinning, a paunch and monogamy.

  6. omawarisan says:

    Do you think if I lay off brown M&M’s I can get a reprieve on the first two?

    I’m good with the monogamy thing, but I’m tired of how cold my head gets now that its not as well insulated.

  7. tsanda says:

    the brown ones are a laxative
    red ones are evil
    orange cure cancer
    and yellow cause cancer…
    so science once told me

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