Lawn DartsPosted: August 16, 2009
Yesterday, while cutting the grass, I thought about lawn darts.I can’t account for why. Maybe it was the heat getting to me.
I never had lawn darts, my parents were far too sensible to have bought them. I knew a couple kids who did have them, but even at a young age, I tended to think that perhaps they were not the best idea.
So, since I had them on my mind, I did some poking around on the net to learn a bit about them.
Lawn Darts were outlawed in the States and Canada in 1988 and 1989 based on three deaths during games. Oh yeah, and apparently a gang related killing in the ’80’s.
Now some might say it is only three deaths. Some could make the case that someone standing close to where people are flinging weighted iron darts, is a victim of Darwinism, not an unsafe product.
I am not one of those people. I look at the picture above and think, “yeah, those don’t need to be flying around within a mile of me”.
I kept looking. Apparently there is still a lawn dart tournament and people who on the lookout for darts and parts, even though they’ve been outlawed in the states.
Now I know everyone has a rebellious streak and likes to sneak one past “the man”. But lawn darts? Is that really what you want the answer to everyone’s favorite prison question – “what are you in for” – to be? “I illegally sold a set of lawn darts on the net.” Ohhhhh yeah, that’s a recipe for jail house respect.
Think about hearing this in the dark from your cell mate, lawn dart scoff laws – “hey lawn dart…come here”.
To the folks who would holler about the government protecting us against too much, I submit that perhaps in this case we could agree that the manufacturers are at fault here.
No way, Omawarisan, they aren’t responsible for people not having the sense to stay out of the way of a heavy pointed thing, lofted high in the air from thirty feet away. That’s what they’d say.
To which, I, Omawarisan, would say yes they are:
Let us consider this two picture sequence, obviously commissioned and used by a lawn dart manufacturer.
In the first painting we see Mom and Dad enjoying a drink at the table while Uncle Jim and that vixen he has taken up with, play lawn darts with Gidget and Junior.
While Uncle Jim lets fly, Gidget and Junior take up positions in the scoring area to monitor the arrival of the darts. Decades later, in the 2000’s, this would come to be labeled “interactivity”.
In the second painting we see that Gidget never had time to react to the throw. Junior stares at the arriving dart, it’s potentially emasculating path nearly complete.
According to the look on his face, Junior’s fate is sealed. He is moments from a back yard sex change, becoming Daddy’s other little girl right before his eyes. Or the thrill of the near miss has hooked him, dooming him to get closer and closer until finally one day, he is too close and a dart finds him.
I’m sorry Lawn Dart Industry, you did it to yourself.