Time to go

Some see talent. I just throw up a little in my mouth.

Some see talent. I just throw up a little in my mouth.

Periodically, a list builds up in my mind of people and things who are no longer relevant and should leave the public eye. From time to time, I need to purge the list. It is purge time.

Amy Winehouse. Enough. Time to go.

One day, I’d never heard of you, the next day you were, according to the critics,  the greatest thing to hit music since Mozart.

That sort of out of nowhere rise to fame always makes me wonder how legitimate the claims are. So I did in your case, what I do in others like yours. I ignored the claims and waited. Your freakish appearance made that easy to do. As it turned out, I was right. Are you familiar with the term flash in the pan?

You’ve pretty much removed yourself from the public eye with that whole being a crackhead thing. Unfortunately, you appeared on my radar today when I bought a CD with a guest appearance by you. Eighteen good tunes, and then yours.  I’m hoping that’s the last time that happens.

Please leave.

Inflatable tube wacky waving arm guy. You are dismissed. You may go now.

If this is in front of your buisness, I am not coming in.

If this is in front of your buisness, I am not coming in.

Yes, a few years ago, you were unique. An attention getting novelty that caught my eye as I drove down the street.

Things are different now. Like Will Ferrell, you became over exposed and not funny anymore. Everywhere I turn I see you, or Will Ferrell.

I watched this piece of crap, Will. I was barely alive at the end.

I watched this piece of crap, Will. I was barely alive at the end.

Did you and Will notice there were two verbs in that last sentence? That’s right, turn and see. Did you notice the verb that wasn’t there? That verb is laugh. When the verb laugh is not present, it typically means I don’t laugh at whatever we might be talking about at that moment…in this case, waving tube guy, we’re talking about you.

Yes, once you were eye catching. Now, not so much. You see, part of being eye catching is being something one doesn’t see everywhere. Your uniqueness is all gone.

You can go now.

Joan Rivers.  You too may leave, ma’am.

I am no longer a young man. A long time ago I was.  You were on television back then too, and you were no spring chicken at that point. Decades later you are still here.

Oh, the humanity.

Oh, the humanity.

Your face is tighter than a trampoline. It’s not attractive, it’s disturbing. I don’t think skin was engineered to be nearly that tight. As a result I have a fear that your head will burst open at any moment. As much as I don’t like you, I don’t want to see that happen.

Oh, and can we talk? Good. You are not funny. Funny is supposedly why you are famous. Absent funny,why would anyone watch you? I have no idea.

The time has come for you to go. One of your autobiographies is entitled Enter Talking. Shouldn’t the fact that you have more than one autobiography be an indicator that you’ve been here far too long?

Please leave quietly.


8 Comments on “Time to go”

  1. Kathi D says:

    It’s not just Joan. Her daughter has already started down the path of face-tightening. It’s a curse.

  2. sgottahurt says:

    Can Smiling Bob and those Enzyte commercials go on this list, too? Or would that make it too big?

  3. omawarisan says:

    Yeah, Smiling Bob is rapidly climbing the list.

    Joan’s daughter is doing the same? Self mutilation is genetic? Damn, I thought I had it bad inheriting some hair loss.

  4. tsanda says:

    is the too big comment a reference to enzyte? if so…good showing…
    how about Keith Obermann. Sports? Politics? Space Travel? Go away your not funny and you observations are annoying …
    also… how about nancy pelosi….her face makes me cringe and curl up in a ball….she makes me want hillary to be around

  5. queensgirl says:

    Your title scared me; I thought you were announcing the end of Blurt!

    As for the Celebrities I Could Live Without…well, I don’t want to sully my innocent fingers by typing their names. 😀

  6. omawarisan says:

    Thank you! Nope, I’m here. It feels too good to get this stuff out!

    I hope to eventually hit someone on your list. My list is always growing and changing. I also should have an opening pretty soon, Winehouse looks like she’s circling the drain.

  7. frigginloon says:

    Oh thank god someone else doesn’t think Will Ferrell is funny. Can you lock the door when you leave. You might want to chuck Kanye West and Octomom on that list too for good measure.

  8. omawarisan says:

    Ferrell is funnier than Jim Carrey. That isn’t an achievement.

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