Time to goPosted: September 12, 2009
Periodically, a list builds up in my mind of people and things who are no longer relevant and should leave the public eye. From time to time, I need to purge the list. It is purge time.
Amy Winehouse. Enough. Time to go.
One day, I’d never heard of you, the next day you were, according to the critics, the greatest thing to hit music since Mozart.
That sort of out of nowhere rise to fame always makes me wonder how legitimate the claims are. So I did in your case, what I do in others like yours. I ignored the claims and waited. Your freakish appearance made that easy to do. As it turned out, I was right. Are you familiar with the term flash in the pan?
You’ve pretty much removed yourself from the public eye with that whole being a crackhead thing. Unfortunately, you appeared on my radar today when I bought a CD with a guest appearance by you. Eighteen good tunes, and then yours. I’m hoping that’s the last time that happens.
Inflatable tube wacky waving arm guy. You are dismissed. You may go now.
Yes, a few years ago, you were unique. An attention getting novelty that caught my eye as I drove down the street.
Things are different now. Like Will Ferrell, you became over exposed and not funny anymore. Everywhere I turn I see you, or Will Ferrell.
Did you and Will notice there were two verbs in that last sentence? That’s right, turn and see. Did you notice the verb that wasn’t there? That verb is laugh. When the verb laugh is not present, it typically means I don’t laugh at whatever we might be talking about at that moment…in this case, waving tube guy, we’re talking about you.
Yes, once you were eye catching. Now, not so much. You see, part of being eye catching is being something one doesn’t see everywhere. Your uniqueness is all gone.
You can go now.
Joan Rivers. You too may leave, ma’am.
I am no longer a young man. A long time ago I was. You were on television back then too, and you were no spring chicken at that point. Decades later you are still here.
Your face is tighter than a trampoline. It’s not attractive, it’s disturbing. I don’t think skin was engineered to be nearly that tight. As a result I have a fear that your head will burst open at any moment. As much as I don’t like you, I don’t want to see that happen.
Oh, and can we talk? Good. You are not funny. Funny is supposedly why you are famous. Absent funny,why would anyone watch you? I have no idea.
The time has come for you to go. One of your autobiographies is entitled Enter Talking. Shouldn’t the fact that you have more than one autobiography be an indicator that you’ve been here far too long?
Please leave quietly.