Avoiding Swine FluPosted: September 21, 2009
I am aware that you can pick up your paper or turn on the television to any channel at any moment and get more information on avoiding swine flu than you care to hear.
Really though, how many times can you be taught how to wash your hands?
Haven’t we all been told not to sneeze on our friends? Nothing personal, but I think if you can read this, and you don’t know how to wash your hands or that it is not cool to sneeze on me, I am going to have to tell you that I have significant problems with the way you were raised.
I’m going to assume that you washed your hands before you came online and that you want some new information. Something you can’t get from some other outlet. I am here to oblige.
My first tip to avoid the flu is to use the toilet for its intended purpose only. Apparently, the flu lives in toilets. I learned this on a trip to the grocery. I noticed that packages of Clorox Toilet Bowl Cleaner are labeled “Kills Flu Virus”.
I never really considered the toilet as a source of flu infection. Of course, I am not a golden retriever and do not consider it a hydration source.
All the same, if it is important to kill flu inside your toilet, apparently that is where the flu comes from. Armed with the knowledge that people who have the flu got it from misusing their toilet, it is my intent to look down upon people who get the swine flu.
I invite you to join me in their ostracism. Who knows how long they’ve been doing whatever they did to get the flu from the toilet? I, for one, am grateful the flu season is here to let me know who these deviants are.
My other main tip to help you avoid the swine flu is to look for it.
I never knew this, but apparently sometimes swine flu rises out of the toilet, like the Great Pumpkin rises up from a sincere pumpkin patch, and flies through the air, as shown to the left. Thank you ABC News for letting me know.
You have nothing to fear when this happens. When swine flu flies, it is very large and visible. Simply avoid touching it. Move your head to one side to let it pass and hit an unsuspecting person behind you. Maybe you should hold your breath as the flu goes by you, but I’m going to make that optional. Hold your breath at your discretion.
I’m glad to be in a position to do my part in helping you avoid this illness. In exchange, I would like to invite you to join me in verbally abusing those toilet drinking, non hand washing, slow-footed people who allow themselves to become infected with the swine flu.