My anal retentive UPS man

He will deliver and ensure orderliness

He will deliver and ensure orderliness

Much of what comes into the spacious tract home known as El Rancho Omawarisan arrives via Fed Ex, DHL or UPS after being ordered on the net.

Most of my exchanges with the delivery folks are pleasant, but not particularly deep.

How are you?  Nice to see you. Thanks very much. Nothing fancy. I don’t spend time in their lives, they don’t have a lot of input in mine – until recently.

A new UPS man has entered the picture, and he seems to have a lot more to say about things around my place than his predecessors ever did.

My first encounter with him was a few weeks ago, but he spoke as if he’d been delivering for a little while before we met. He rang the bell with a package I was required to sign for and said “I notice your mail box post is a little crooked, were you going to fix that?”

Now, I think it is established at this point that I tend to be sarcastic when confronted by fools. Something told me not to take the bait on this one; I guess I was curious. I told him I thought I might get to fixing that soon. He took about 5 minutes to describe what he thought the best method for me to correct the “problem” might be.

I let him know I’d take the suggestion under advisement and asked if he’d be delivering packages there from now on. “No” he said, “it just bothers me.” I told him I’d fix it for him as soon as I could find the time.

Mrs. Omawarisan

Mrs. Omawarisan

Drawn by the sound of conversation from the front door, Mrs. Omawarisan wandered by and heard the conversation. When I closed the door she asked if the person outside was from the homeowners association. As I handed her the package I told her, “no, he was from UPS.”

Mrs. O fails to understand why these things happen to me, but she doesn’t mind the entertainment value when they do.

My next conversation with the UPS man concerned my son parking in the driveway. He pointed out to me that he noticed that the car my son had just parked was not aligned as straight in the driveway as it could have been. I was concerned and asked if he’d seen him do something wrong when he was driving. He said no, complimented my son’s driving on the road,  he just thought maybe it could have been  parked straighter.

A few days ago he dropped off a package and pointed out a spider and its web on the light fixture next to my front door. I looked at it, and asked if he were afraid of spiders. “No, but it doesn’t belong there” was his reply. “Are you going to take it down now?”

I told him no. He left without saying goodbye.

There will be order and cleanliness on his route

There will be order and cleanliness on his route

He hasn’t needed my signature recently. We haven’t talked. I did eventually remove the spider so El Rancho Omawarisan would not look like the Addams Family house. The mailbox is still a little off center. The Postal Service lady doesn’t have a quarrel with it, nor do I.

A few hours ago, the UPS man delivered to my neighbor. He drove up, then backed in to what I can only believe was an imaginary parallel parking space in his mind. There were no cars there, he could have just pulled in.

Twenty minutes later, the neighbor was out sweeping her porch.

Coincidence? I don’t think so.


8 Comments on “My anal retentive UPS man”

  1. tsanda says:

    that spider doesn’t belong there? outside in nature? bohhhhhyyyyy that UPS guy sure doesn’t watch enough animal planet. Spiders live outside silly! As for your sons parking…I agree atrocious.

  2. tsanda says:

    you may want to think about tagging posts as , anal,…gonna get some interesting hits now

  3. omawarisan says:

    Yeah, I’m sure those hits will come. I already get a bunch looking for nude pictures of Erin Esurance.

  4. Kathi D says:

    Oh my.

    My UPS man makes the dogs sit and then gives them treats. Calls them by name.

  5. omawarisan says:

    I’d offer to trade you, Kathi, but after the initial confusion I think I’m going to enjoy his weirdness.

  6. lee lee says:

    on the bright side, your UPS man is probably not doing anything wild-n-crazy with your packages, like throwing them into the truck even harder when there’s a FRAGILE sticker on the side…i imagine him being much more, well, orderly, about it.

  7. omawarisan says:

    You know, now that you mention it, we got three boxes placed on the porch yesterday in a nice neat pyramid.

  8. griffin says:

    It sounds like the television character “Monk” has found a new job!

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