The World Cup of Darts. Some suggestions.

I can throw bullseyes any time I want. I just dont want to that often.

I can throw bull's-eyes any time I want. I just don't want to that often.

Last night on the news I saw a report that the World Cup of Darts was being held in my area. Let’s put aside any discussion of the fact you and I did not know there was a World Cup of Darts. We should respect that Darts is a game you can play and enjoy a beer at the same time.

Based on the television news story I saw and my limited experience throwing darts in my friends basement when I was 14, I am going to recommend some changes to the sport.

The story showed a people  in what I believed to be the uniforms of the American, Brazilian and Welsh National Dart Teams. They looked like a bowling shirt. In fact, I think they were bowling shirts. Perhaps the bowlers and the dart people (dartists?) combined orders to get a bulk discount on the shirts.

Dartists, if you want to be taken seriously you’ve got to get your own uniforms. Just because you and the bowlers can both drink and play doesn’t create sufficient closeness for you to dress alike. Perhaps you could create a shirt that is half bowling shirt, half tank top. Wearing the tank top side of the shirt on your throwing arm would let your coach see your throwing technique better. Get back with me if you’d like my help working out the details on that.

This is what the World Cup of Darts should look like.

This is what the World Cup of Darts should look like.

The dart matches seemed to be going on in a fairly pristine hotel ball room type setting. That is hardly acceptable. Places like that have no similarity to where most people come into contact with the sport – bars and basements.

My solution? Allow each competitor three distractions during his opponents throws. These would be things that could happen in a bar or in your childhood friend’s basement. For instance, if you and I were competing, I might arrange to have a tray of drinks dropped behind you during one of your throws. In the next round, you might have someone imitate the mother of my childhood friends, yelling into the basement for us to keep it down or everyone would have to go home. Whatever result came from those distracted throws would be counted equally with all others in the match.

Finally, I saw that there were dart judges. They were positioned between the thrower and the dart board, facing the target. They stood just outside the path you’d expect the thrown darts to travel. This seems an unwise idea. I think Dart judges are the source of the whole body piercing fad.

When things are thrown, people get hit. The best baseball pitchers accidentally hit a batter now and again. Passes thrown in other sports go awry. You’re not going to convince me that dart throws don’t have the same issue. See above, “a game you can play and still enjoy a beer.”

I’m certain that there is some sort of governing body for competitive darts. I’m not going to take the time to look it up. If they aren’t going to be open minded enough to recognize the flaws in their sport and get in touch with me about fixing them it is their loss.

RIP Goldie. You were my favorite fish for 2 and a half days.

RIP Goldie. You were my favorite fish for 2 and a half days.

If you are reading this, Mr. President of International Darts, one time I was at a carnival when I was a kid. I threw a dart at a board full of balloons, popped one and won a goldfish. The goldfish circled the drain long ago, but a good idea never dies. I hope you follow me. Call me.


3 Comments on “The World Cup of Darts. Some suggestions.”

  1. Kathi D says:

    This is completely off the subject. I’m sorry, my mind wanders. I would like to call for the return of lawn darts. Talk about your injuries.

  2. jammer5 says:

    Your fish lasted two and a half days? I could never get mine past the cat.

  3. omawarisan says:

    Two and a half.

    Mrs. O has a fish tank and keeps goldfish alive for 2 and a half years. I think she injects them with hormones she gets from former East German scientists.

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