An interview with Batsquatch

Batsquatch. Hard to get a photo of. Easy to draw.

Batsquatch. Hard to get a photo of. Easy to draw.

This months interview is with Batsquatch, a winged, bat like creature which is supposed to be from the area of Mt. St. Helens.

As is true of most of my interview subjects, few have ever seen Batsquatch. The vast staff here at Blurt was able to find Batsquatch and arrange for me to interview him via satellite.

Actually we could have done the interview by phone, but everything is cooler when you can say it was via satellite.

Omawarisan: Batsquatch, you have been spotted by such reliable sources as a liquor store owner and a mountaineer who had been knocked unconscious. Despite this, some wonder if you exist.

Batsquatch: Is that a question or a statement?

O: Both. Sort of. I guess.

BS: I hope you are going to get better at this as we go along. Anyhow, I can’t worry too much about who believes in me and who doesn’t.

Well...this is an interesting development, isnt it Mufasa?

Well...this is an interesting development, isn't it Mufasa?

O: The mountaineer that saw you claimed you had a bass like yell. Even with that description, I was not prepared for the resonance of your voice. Have you considered singing or possibly acting?

BS: Of course. I was the voice of Darth Vader.

O: Wasn’t that James Earl Jones?

BS: So now I’m a liar?

O: Apparently you were first seen during the eruption of Mount Saint Helens in 1980.

BS: Oh man, what a lousy day. Yeah, I had to go. If you ever get a chance to be on a volcano, I recommend you don’t. Poor Harry Truman, God Bless him.

O: Your name, Batsquatch. I’ve got to ask, are you related to Sasquatch, who is often known as Bigfoot?

BS: No. Squatch is the last name of my step dad. My mom married into the society crowd in Seattle. She is now one of the well known Squatch family there.

O: One account of seeing you said you had purple skin, that everything about

Ive got nothing to add here.

I've got nothing to add here.

you was purple, “like a bad Jimmy Osmond dream”. What do you think the author of that account meant  by that Jimmy Osmond reference?

BS: Beats me. I can’t imagine a bad Jimmy Osmond dream.

O: Does that imply that you can imagine a good Jimmy Osmond dream?

BS: I’ve had them.

O: Your subconscious kind of creeps me out, Batsquatch.

BS: Don’t judge me.

O: You have four hands, a forty foot wing span and you are thirty feet tall. How do you avoid being noticed by people who are not drunk or suffering from head trauma?

BS: People can’t see vampires in a mirror, they can’t see me unless they fracture their skull. Science. Go figure.

O: One last question. Did you make that up about being the voice of Darth Vader?

BS: No. I also recorded all of Barry White’s albums. Barry was a little more marketable to the non Batsquatch population.

That wraps up this interview, legendary creature fans.  I wish to point out that in my most twisted moments I could not have invented the “Jimmy Osmond dream” concept. If you follow the link in the paragraph that makes that reference, it is about 2/3 of the way down that page, in the paragraph that starts out “Enough about me”.

Now for your entertainment, here is a Jimmy Osmond video. It isn’t purple, but it is like a bad dream.


7 Comments on “An interview with Batsquatch”

  1. Kathi D says:

    I may never be able to forgive you for planting Jimmy Osmond in my brain.

  2. queensgirl says:

    I think this may be your best one yet.

    And thanks for your comment. I have worried lately that I might be being repetitive: poetry, words I could live without, poetry, words I could live without…

  3. omawarisan says:

    Kathi, the only way to clear Jimmy Osmond from your brain is to pass him on. I read that reference to him while I was eating lunch and was instantly ill. I wrote the post in the afternoon and was instantly better.

    Thank you QG, I’ll pass it on to the staff. They are the real heros of these interviews.

  4. Keli says:

    I’m sorry, Oma, but I refuse to watch the Jimmy Osmond clip, as I’m not into intentionally planting nightmares into my brain. I don’t think I can even pass that one on. I am having enough trouble processing the fact that JE Jones was not in fact (according to your carefully researched and admirable satellite interview) the voice of Darth Vader.
    Perhaps you might consider interviewing the Chupacabra next? I hear that fear of that creature is growing in epic proportions. As I write this to you now, beads of perspiration are forming on my forehead.

    • omawarisan says:

      You really should do yourself a favor and watch the Jimmy Osmond clip. It gives you a new appreciation for things like the Geneva Convention and the US Constitution’s protections against cruel and unusual punishment.

      Chupacabra, hmm. I’ll put my staff on it.

      Oh, and after the interview, Batsquatch told me that James Earl Jones lipsynced his part in Field of Dreams. I was so disappointed.

  5. Lucky Eye says:

    In the shortened name of Batsquatch, it was BS. Need I say more?

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