An interview with BatsquatchPosted: October 2, 2009
This months interview is with Batsquatch, a winged, bat like creature which is supposed to be from the area of Mt. St. Helens.
As is true of most of my interview subjects, few have ever seen Batsquatch. The vast staff here at Blurt was able to find Batsquatch and arrange for me to interview him via satellite.
Actually we could have done the interview by phone, but everything is cooler when you can say it was via satellite.
Omawarisan: Batsquatch, you have been spotted by such reliable sources as a liquor store owner and a mountaineer who had been knocked unconscious. Despite this, some wonder if you exist.
Batsquatch: Is that a question or a statement?
O: Both. Sort of. I guess.
BS: I hope you are going to get better at this as we go along. Anyhow, I can’t worry too much about who believes in me and who doesn’t.
O: The mountaineer that saw you claimed you had a bass like yell. Even with that description, I was not prepared for the resonance of your voice. Have you considered singing or possibly acting?
BS: Of course. I was the voice of Darth Vader.
O: Wasn’t that James Earl Jones?
BS: So now I’m a liar?
O: Apparently you were first seen during the eruption of Mount Saint Helens in 1980.
BS: Oh man, what a lousy day. Yeah, I had to go. If you ever get a chance to be on a volcano, I recommend you don’t. Poor Harry Truman, God Bless him.
O: Your name, Batsquatch. I’ve got to ask, are you related to Sasquatch, who is often known as Bigfoot?
BS: No. Squatch is the last name of my step dad. My mom married into the society crowd in Seattle. She is now one of the well known Squatch family there.
O: One account of seeing you said you had purple skin, that everything about
you was purple, “like a bad Jimmy Osmond dream”. What do you think the author of that account meant by that Jimmy Osmond reference?
BS: Beats me. I can’t imagine a bad Jimmy Osmond dream.
O: Does that imply that you can imagine a good Jimmy Osmond dream?
BS: I’ve had them.
O: Your subconscious kind of creeps me out, Batsquatch.
BS: Don’t judge me.
O: You have four hands, a forty foot wing span and you are thirty feet tall. How do you avoid being noticed by people who are not drunk or suffering from head trauma?
BS: People can’t see vampires in a mirror, they can’t see me unless they fracture their skull. Science. Go figure.
O: One last question. Did you make that up about being the voice of Darth Vader?
BS: No. I also recorded all of Barry White’s albums. Barry was a little more marketable to the non Batsquatch population.
That wraps up this interview, legendary creature fans. I wish to point out that in my most twisted moments I could not have invented the “Jimmy Osmond dream” concept. If you follow the link in the paragraph that makes that reference, it is about 2/3 of the way down that page, in the paragraph that starts out “Enough about me”.
Now for your entertainment, here is a Jimmy Osmond video. It isn’t purple, but it is like a bad dream.