An open letter to my son

Man, I have to say, you seem to be going along just fine. The grades are looking good. You’re a damn good looking guy. A talented musician. Parents and teachers tell me stories about things that you do that show what a really kind person you are; when I bring them up, you act as if they’re no big deal.

Despite all the good news, I’ve got to say that perhaps we let you down in one respect. When we picked your name, we were quite content with it.

We cant pick our parents. I got lucky. This poor kid has it bad.

We can't pick our parents. I got lucky. This poor kid has it bad.

Then the other day came, the one with the boy in the balloon…or not in the balloon.

Why didn’t we think to give you a cool name like Falcon? Have we given you everything you need so succeed in the world? Looking at the names people in the news give their children, I wonder if we have robbed you of your chance to be different from the crowd.

One thing We’ve tried to teach you is to own up to mistakes,  learn, and then try to correct them. I’m going to do that here.

In order to be sure you have every advantage, I am going to have your name legally changed. I just don’t know that you are going to get a fair shake with people named Falcon, Track, Willow, Apple and Couvosier out there in the world. I figure we can get this taken care of for you before you leave for college next fall.

I am going to choose your name the way any reasonable parent in my position would. I am going to leave the decision to strangers on the internet.

Blurt readers, please help me get the strange name he needs before he heads off to college. Choose from the options available in the poll below.

Think about how great it is going to be to meet your roomate and all your college bandmates next fall with your new name. Thanks for being who you are, buddy. I hope that won’t change with your new name.




15 Comments on “An open letter to my son”

  1. You will miss him for sure.

  2. MadMadMargo says:

    I wish I would have thought to change my son’s name, but Rainbow has persevered and he is quite popular with the other inmates.

  3. omawarisan says:

    HR – I thought I had some idea how much, but I realized as we get into the sr. year I’m realizing I’m clueless how tough it’s going to be!

    Welcome Margo…well played ma’am!

  4. RedRaider says:

    Hell, just go all of the way with his name. Like ‘Blurt Garfunkle.’ Now there’s a one of a kind name with some history attached too.

  5. queensgirl says:

    I knew the second I read about Balloon Boy that you’d be writing a post about him.

  6. jammer5 says:

    His new name should be, “None Of The Above.” An excellent choice for college bound kids, whose lives will revolve around multiple choice quizzes.

  7. shoutabyss says:

    A child isn’t a fashion accessory.

  8. Wait! He needs to choose his own new name. I did that several times in college. The one I remember is Lyle – don’t ask me why, Lyle Lovett was even known yet.

    I guess I was quite odd.

    • omawarisan says:

      My brother tried to change his name to Lyle before he went to kindergarten because those were the only letters he knew how to write.

      But my guy will probably pick his own if he makes a change!

  9. Kathi D says:

    The Tower is very commanding. I like it.

  10. planetross says:

    At 17 my name was Rex Daring. I didn’t legally change it or anything … it was my super top secret name. If I revealed it to anyone I had to kill them … or try to steal their beer … or something. I forget.

  11. U-FODA says:

    I think his new name should be:
    LUKA HOWTALLAIYAMMA! If this does not impress you, I’ll take The Tower…

    I already miss him and he’s still here!

  12. omawarisan says:

    Hey U…two big shows this weekend, come catch him while we can!

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