Rolling luggage, a proposed new guy rule.

Gentlemen.  As we know, there are certain guy rules which we all must follow.

For instance, it is a given that there will be no conversation in the men’s room until we reach the sink. I know that for years we have tolerated that guy who comes in to the men’s room at concerts and sporting events and announces that “you never really buy beer, you only rent it.”  He expects a laugh and we grudgingly give it to him, but that joke isn’t getting any funnier. We may have to deal with him later.

...when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh?

"...when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? "

It is also a given that you will have watched Caddyshack within the past year. Why? Because you know you should, the rest of us expect that you have and  because Dangerfield is a genius.

The guy rules are, for the most part, unwritten. There are many others. Violations are not tolerated. He who holds conversations in the mens room is not invited to the next game. In Idaho, they give that person a title – Senator.

I think it is important that when the advance of technology and society lead to changes we examine them and prepare for possible changes and updates to our rules. In my opinion, the advent of rolling luggage necessitates the consideration of a new guy rule. Allow me to explain.

The design of pull behind luggage on wheels is an innovation that we can all appreciate. When we move between airport gates and from cars to hotels, rolling luggage makes our lives easier. There is a flaw in their design and my proposed rule change is based on that.

Walking is fine. Running just wont work out. Look at the photo and think about it.

Walking is fine. Running just wont work out. Look at the photo and think about it.

Gentleman, I propose that it be against guy rules to run while pulling rolling luggage behind you. I observed a man today running down a sidewalk pulling his bag along behind him. What I saw made it clear to me that you can not run in any sort of credible manner while pulling luggage behind you.

The length of the handle precludes a proper running stride. Your foot cannot swing back far enough without hitting your suitcase. Additionally, the act of dragging the bag as you run causes some people to raise their other hand out in front of them in an unnaturally high, arm extended position in order to maintain balance.

The result is an odd sort of gait that can only be described as akin to how dancers run on stage. Not a good look, gents.

I’ve included a video of the kind of run that results. I’m not sure why this video was made or why these guys are happy about this guys walk, but I am sure I am glad I don’t have a daughter.

A solution is indicated here. When pulling luggage in a situation where speed is required, it is my opinion that you have two options.

  • You may collapse the handle of your luggage, pick it up and run. This allows a more natural stride and arm motion, avoiding the dance run appearance.
  • Alternatively, you may walk briskly, at a pace significantly short of a run. This will likely get you where you’re going as fast as the carry method, but you’ll arrive more rested and without the embarrassment of the dance run.

I will be flying out on a much needed vacation soon. If we cross paths, you can be assured I will not be running with my luggage. I hope I can count on you for the same.


4 Comments on “Rolling luggage, a proposed new guy rule.”

  1. Keli says:

    This is quite an important post, and one I will certainly force my sons to read. After viewing the telltale short you offer, I too am glad I don’t have a daughter. Yet, I feel a bit uncomfortable. I watched Caddyshack, not just within the past year, but several times over the past few years. Just where does that place me?

  2. shoutabyss says:

    Re: The hat. “But it looks good on YOU, though!”


    I don’t have any damn luggage with damn wheels. I deal with my luggage the old fashioned way. So I’ve never considered this important issue you’ve raised.

    I’ll keep in mind, though, just in case I ever upgrade. Not likely, though, since I don’t care where I’m going or for how long, my carry on bag is the only thing I’m willing to take with. I travel light.

  3. omawarisan says:

    Well played sir re:the hat, sir. Observe on your next trip to the airport. Running and rolling luggage cant be done.

    Keli, your viewing of Caddyshack places you as a fine and caring mother who has great cinematic tastes. Your sons and mine would never have appeared in the video in the post.

  4. Kathi D says:

    I’m glad there are still a few men who are men. My guy doesn’t get to run with luggage because he is schlepping all of his and most of mine, as The Man should do.

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