Refrigerator shopping. Sarcasm fails me.


The fridge is slowly dying. For years, it has made strange noises. It groans audibly in the night. Without warning, it makes a loud cracking sound. Neither of these things are particularly endearing, especially late at night.

We are considering pulling the plug.

There was an ad in Sunday’s paper for a refrigerator that seemed a particularly good buy. While we were out the other day, we stopped to look it over, as if we could tell something about it by doing so.

The salesman pointed out the model we were interested in and left us to conduct our examination of it. Doors were opened and closed. It was a big white box, like the old one. I don’t know what we were looking for.

mrs o

Mrs. Omawarisan

Mrs. O had a question regarding delivery and approached the salesman. He offered to start the paperwork to arrange the purchase and delivery, but she told him we intended to look around a bit more. That is when it happened.

The salesman looked at me and asked ” what do I need to do to put you in this refrigerator today?” Mrs. O grinned, knowing I would have a sarcastic remark.

Nothing happened. I shrugged and said we would be back. I had too many responses. I couldn’t pick out just one. Perhaps I’m losing my touch in my old age.

When I’m buying a car and the sales person asks what he can to do put me in that car today, I understand what he is doing. Evoking the image of me driving the new car that he is trying to help me get is a positive image. That makes sense to me. I respect that.

Evoking the image of me in a refrigerator is not quite as effective. It was kind of odd. Still, I am ashamed at my inability to focus and choose a response to the question. In order to make sure my head is still in the right place, I am putting the question to you in the form of a poll. Please select the answer you think best responds to the question.


7 Comments on “Refrigerator shopping. Sarcasm fails me.”

  1. Kate says:

    The first option would definitely be the one to come out of my mouth. Although, if you take out all the shelving and whatnot, I might be able to fit in there in one piece …

    Yeah, that was my favorite too. I might fit in a regular freezer on top model, but never in a side by side

  2. shoutabyss says:

    I would have replied, “ice pick to the skull.”

    That would be a perfect way to get me in that refrigerator today.

    Then David Caruso would walk in, put on his sunglasses and say, “Looks like an open and shut case.”

    I’m so lame. 🙂

    That comment from the salesman has the ring of something that’s been trotted out many, many times before, and yet the salesman still thinks he’s being clever. Fail.

    Yeah, fail. I bought it somewhere else last night. I got a bigger fridge for the same money. It is much more comfortable on the inside.

  3. Kathi D says:

    Buying appliances is so droll. Nothing makes me happier than a shiny new appliance. So fun.

    The next part is when they try to strongarm you into the extended warranty. I have offered to knock salesmen out with my oversized handbag for that one.

    Auugh I hate the extended warranty! I bought a wedge shaped pillow thing that Mrs. O wanted and they tried to sell me an extended warranty. A pillow. No moving parts. Man, I’m going to feel foolish when it breaks down and I’ve got to get it repaired out of my pocket.

  4. Keli says:

    O, I don’t want to alarm you, but should this failure to respond with sarcasm continue, I believe you should seek professional help. I have an acquaintance who suffers from sarcascoma; it appeared over night, and she hasn’t been the same since.
    Is it too late to go back and give him your first response? Just to prove you’ve still got it.

    Yes, too late. The winning fridge has been selected, the one he was selling was Miss Congeniality. I am closely monitoring my condition and will see my doctor for medication if it does not improve. I am concerned about the side effect where they say “if you’re sarcastic for more than four hours…”

  5. tsanda says:

    I would have said,”you had me at hello”

    Damn it.

  6. planetross says:

    I might ask about how sexy the penguins were.
    … but that’s just me.

    The power saw reply would have been awesome.

    Yeah, I was kind of into the power saw one myself. Sometimes being literal with people works best.

  7. Tooty Nolan says:

    I hope I would have said, “Will you supply the breathing apparatus?”

    Ahh, a veteran of the time when they had commercials on TV telling kids not to play in discarded fridges?

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