The Policies of my administration – Words and Punctuation.Posted: December 10, 2009
Policy announcement time!
As many of you now understand, I will be taking over when the time is right. These announcements are part of the preparation for that eventuality.
When I take over, my Minister of Semantics will be charged with several important rules that I will lay out for you in this post. Additionally, the Minister will be expected to further develop and enforce the linguistic policies of my administration. With that in mind, here are some of the policies of the Omawarisan administration in that arena.
Quotation Marks – By the third grade everyone in the United States was taught that quotation marks are used to indicate that a particular person said the words contained between the quotation marks. They are not intended to add emphasis to a word or phrase. For example:
- Wrong – Using a toaster while bathing may lead to “electrocution.”
- Right – Omawarisan said “people who misuse quotation marks should be electrocuted.”
Make your third grade teacher proud. Use quotation marks appropriately.
Adding a Z does not make a word plural or cooler – I think this policy explains itself, don’t you? If you’re doing it, stop it.
- Wrong – Omawarisanz policiez are well thought out.
- Right – Omawarisan’s policies are brilliant.
No more adding a Z. It is the last letter for a reason. Leave it alone.
No changing the spelling and/or meaning of a word. Words just don’t show up overnight. Real words are not created simply because the idea sounds or looks cool to people with limited grasp of the language.
Pwned is not a word. Phat is not a word.
The Minister of Semantics will have detectives on staff to track down people who inappropriately deem changes to the spellings and definitions of words are appropriate. Justice will be swift.
It is important that we all understand one another. It doesn’t help when our society tolerates the reconstruction of our language by people who are clearly not competent to do so.
The Omawarisan administration will usher in an era of domestic tranquility by eliminating linguistic and punctuation foolishness.