If your house is on this map, calm down, it is not going to snow tomorrow.

I have a lot of friends who live where it snows significantly. None of those people live close enough to me that we can call each other in the morning and agree to go have lunch.

Early this week there was a forecast of a possibility of a wintry mix of precipitation here. In most of North Carolina, including the part I’m in, terror generally ensues upon the issuance of such a forecast.

Since that time, I have had several talks with people who broached the topic with the opening “did you hear we are going to get snowed in on Saturday?” You see, once snow is mentioned as a possibility here it remains a possibility that must be dreaded and prepared for until after the forecast date, even if the forecast changes. Wintery mix is no longer in our forecast, but it is in the psyche of the region now and can not be removed.

Snowed in is different things to different people. Please look at this entry from my friend Kate’s blog. While you’re there, look at the rest of her blog too. Note though that while she worked from home on Tuesday, her response to it continuing to snow on Wednesday would cause people in my neighborhood to begin making wardrobe selections to attend her funeral. Kate went to work. Two days of non stop snow and she left the house. To my friends here, Kate would be someone to be regarded with awe as she lectured on how she actually drove in snow. She is nothing short of an arctic explorer.

Our region is paralyzed by the presence of actual snow. Not Kate-like snow. I’m talking about the kind of snow that sticks to the grass and makes the road wet. Half the population is done at that point. The door is locked and will not be opened until they can see brown grass sticking from the clay soil.

On the order of once a year, we have snow that accumulates on the roads. Almost every time it happens, the snow starts at night and builds up to a maximum of half an inch. When this happens, it is labeled The Blizzard of whatever year it happens to be. People will refer to it as that forever more. When the blizzards come, everything will be closed. Stores, schools, government offices, closed. In fact, if the forecast for snow is made several days in advance and does not change before the night it is expected to arrive, workplace and school closings are announced based on the potential of snow.

Eat your french toast, it is snowing out there.

When snow is predicted here, the proper response is to rush to the grocery store and buy three things. Milk, bread and eggs. Some of the truly panic-stricken add candles and jugs of distilled water. I only know one thing you can make with milk, bread and eggs. I’m certain that in the days following a snow event, or a near miss, North Carolina is the French Toast Capital of the World.

When we do have a “Blizzard of…” everything is closed. No one moves. Then gradually, inexorably, our snow removal equipment goes to work around dawn. By lunch, the roads are simply wet and draining fast. Those who were snowed in take their kids to the mall because they are driving them crazy being cooped up inside.

Never look directly at the snow removal equipment.

What is striking is that this mindset infects nearly everyone who lives here.  People who grew up in climates where snow is frequent and plentiful regard this response with amusement the first winter they are here. The next year, they are in line at the grocery store, with a shopping cart full of milk and hotdog buns, because all the other forms of bread are sold out.

I’d like to make a sandwich for lunch, but my son made his lunch with the last of the bread we had on hand. It isn’t snowing here tomorrow. I know that there is a 50/50 chance that I will find bread at the store when I go because someone once said it might snow here tomorrow.

Would some of you who are actually seeing snow please FedEx me some bread?


6 Comments on “Snow!”

  1. Kate says:

    I am both flattered and amused by your sentiments. And if you think I’m an arctic explorer, you should meet my husband. He becomes downright gleeful when given the opportunity to drive in snow.

  2. Kathi D says:

    It’s raining here. I wish I had some milk and bread to go with my eggs. Well, not “my” eggs. The ones my hens lay.

  3. omawarisan says:

    Kate, we could sell out a lecture hall if the two of you come here. I’ll set up a French Toast concession in the lobby to keep the audience calm.

    Kathi, you are the second person on this blog to mention your eggs. Not your eggs, or hers, but that you both have hens to lay them. I’m now convinced everyone out west owns a chicken.

  4. linlah says:

    We recently got snow for the first time in 20 years. You’d have thought the world was coming to an end.

  5. Counter Culture Clown says:

    I have complained about snow before, and I will again. I live in Minnesota, where “Whining About Snow” is practically the name of the season at this point.

    Many a dumbass becomes intimate with snowbanks during this time of the year. Fun times.

    Can you say “Spin Out”?

  6. Thomas Wayne says:

    I live in central Arkansas, where it snows once or twice a year, and it’s exactly as you described — all grocery stores will be out of bread and milk, and everything closes down as soon as you can see white on the ground (or if the weatherman says it will happen tomorrow). It’s humorous, but I don’t mind, because I get a day off of work. Unfortunately there’s usually not enough snow to build anything really impressive…

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