The tragedy of the hors d’oeuvresPosted: December 20, 2009
This weekend, one of the big stories in the US is the blizzard that swept up the east coast.
Reporters have pretty thoroughly covered the usual topics – how many inches of snow, the roads that are closed and how many people lost electricity. The story of people marooned at closed airports has been done. There is one topic that has been missed – the tragedy of cancelled Christmas parties and the resulting glut of hors d’ oeuvres.
Thousands upon thousands of holiday parties were planned for this, the last weekend before Christmas. Considerate and realistic hosts and hostesses cancelled their get-togethers in the face of this storm. Then they went to their refrigerators and realized they had four dozen devilled eggs sitting there.
In homes up and down the east coast people are realizing they have trays of shrimp and gallons of spinach dip. Their gravy boats are full, but there will be no guests to help them set sail.
Experts estimate that twelve million little hot dogs wrapped in dough are trapped in snow bound fridges. If you lined up all the stuffed mushrooms awaiting guests who will never arrive they would encircle the earth twice.
I may have made that last paragraph up. I think a good “if you lined up all the…” statement always livens things up. It adds a certain punch, especially if the line goes around the world more than once.
Usually, when there is a weather event like this, it is customary for someone to predict a spike in births nine months down the line. I’m thinking that there is a massive spike in cholesterol levels coming, given the unfortunate intersection of blizzard and parties.
To all the disappointed party goers and hosts, I’m really sorry. Once you all thaw out, let’s get together and line up some stuffed mushrooms. Maybe we can do it as a charity event, mushrooms for mesothelioma, or something along that line. Please put some thought into it. You’re going to have to work off those devilled eggs somehow.
For Dale and Lib – sorry about your party. Bring a case of buffalo wings the next time we get together, I’ll bring the beer.