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Cantore, go home.

The angel of misery

Ice in its natural environment

I don’t like snow. I don’t like ice outside of a drink, a cooler, or a polar ice cap. I don’t like Jim Cantore from the Weather Channel.

I live north of Charlotte, NC. It snowed here Friday. When I woke up Saturday morning there were six inches of snow outside el rancho Omawarisan. Then the ice came.

Keep in mind this is a region that does not do winter weather well.  Once, schools were cancelled because someone  unexpectedly made a snow cone.

Why did this plague befall my adopted hometown? There is no scientific explanation. It is the end of January. Spring begins here at the beginning of March, so it ought to be getting warmer about now.

Soon the calls and text messages began coming in from out-of-town friends – “We saw Cantore is in Charlotte so we called to see if you are ok.” Cantore. That explains everything. The angel of misery arrived. Nothing good happens while that guy is in town.

Good riddance

I’m sure that if I contacted the Weather Channel they could provide travel records that would prove that Mr. Cantore arrives in the areas he plagues based on forecasts. I’m not contacting them because I am not concerned with facts that disprove my thesis that where Cantore goes, misery follows.

You know, based on that not being concerned with facts that disprove my thesis thing, I am considering a career as a political strategist.

But I digress…

How many people have turned on their televisions, seen Jim Cantore is in their city and thought “oh God, we’re screwed”? Does anyone know how many vacation plans have been scrapped upon the sight of that man in a resort town?

I’ll bet those who know him think well of the guy. Truth be told. besides the idea that he is the angel of misery and quite possibly the anti-christ, I don’t really dislike the guy. I just want him to get out of town and take my misery with him.

Oh, one more thing. After everything stopped on Saturday, I cleaned my car of snow and ice. I knew I’d have to be at work early on Sunday. While I slept, it snowed again. It never snows twice here. Or at least it didn’t, until he came to town.

Pack your bag and get on the plane, Cantore. I have had enough.

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28 Comments on “Cantore, go home.”

  1. Pie says:

    Well don’t send him here, for goodness sake. We’ve had enough snow to last a lifetime here in the UK. London ground to a halt in December and early January when it snowed just a couple of inches. It really was a disgrace.

    • omawarisan says:

      There are direct flights from here to Gatwick, Pie. Notify customs, he could be arrive there at any moment and cause a cyclone.

    • Anonymous says:

      He isnt that bad … its the forcast that keep people safe ………. i told him to go home just to be funny yall are talking about snow storms i was talking about a nice one looking me down the throat …. ill make my next sign say … “Welcome back Cantore” and yes i spelled it right this time bud

  2. Tanya says:

    It sounds like Charlotte got the snow the ‘prophets of doom’ (weathermen) were forecasting for Kentucky and South Indiana! Even if Louisville had been hit, I don’t think Cantore would show up. It is Kentucky after all. 😉

  3. KathiD says:

    Do you think he actually CAUSES the weather so that he will have somewhere to go and something to report?

    Because that’s what I’m thinking. And I never even heard of the guy. Because nobody watches The Weather Channel except old people, you know.

    • omawarisan says:

      I think he causes the weather. He is always the one that is where things are going to crap. If you draw horns on him, give him a little beard and color him red he looks like the devil.

      I know, and I hear I’m old. Of course the person who says so is a hippie, so his position is kinda relative.

  4. Kate says:

    I was thinking about this weekend, Oma, wondering how all you were faring down there. My dad, who lives in Tennessee, told me yesterday that school in community had already been canceled for today and tomorrow. Here’s hoping the South warms up soon!

  5. queensgirl says:

    I was wondering if you had been affected. Look on the bright side, though– maybe the weather will keep the Salahis away.

    • omawarisan says:

      The Salahis have allegedly began pursuing an invitation to the Omawari-son’s high school graduation in June.
      I think they’re figuring it wont be cold, but they’re not taking into account that it will be so hot that her face will melt and he will make his own gravy.

  6. Karen says:

    I was going to plead that he not be sent to DC, as we have enough troublemakers, but I see that QueensGirl has already mentioned the Salahis. We have much the same weather here. I’m sure the Salahis remain. Haven’t seen ’em, but their presence is palpable.

    KathiD ~~ Be forewarned: NBC recently acquired the Weather Channel. I’ve seen him pop up from time to time on the Today Show.

    • omawarisan says:

      Karen, he will be up in DC during one of those stretches where you have 400% humidity this summer.

      We are now always wary of the Salahis here!

      I grew up in the DC area…miss it terribly.

      • Karen says:

        Oh, you’re THAT Omawarisan.

        Good news: I’ve checked with the local jurisdictions and all statutes of limitation have expired. As far as they’re concerned, all is forgiven and you are welcome to return.

        Still no word from the feds, though. Will advise.

  7. linlah says:

    A Cantore sighting might explain the snow on my BBQ in December in a place it hasn’t snowed in the 20 years I’ve lived here.

  8. spencercourt says:

    You should ask for Stephanie Abrahms! I was heartbroken when she left doing the weather for my local Tallahassee TV station for WC. Now why would she do that? lol!

  9. Karen says:

    Just like that, “Cantore” has become a weather-related adjective for me. For example, Tuesday night, it snowed another four inches here, but it was quite lovely and harmless. I actually live about 25 miles east of DC and I am blessed with a great back road route to the highway to town. Oma, you probably would really have missed the area yesterday. It looked like a scene from Chronicles of Narnia. Thought I’d snap a cell phone shot of the Capitol building, but for what is probably the first time in recorded history, I didn’t get stuck at the traffic light between The Capitol and Union Station.

    Everything else closed down, federal government, schools, etc., so that even traveling at a safe speed below the limit, I shaved 45 minutes off my commute. All in all I decided this snow was a Cantore-free event.

    Today, however, we are all bracing for what has been referred to by others as a Superkahuna of a couple of feet of snow. I have the ominous feeling that Something Cantore This Way Comes.

    • omawarisan says:

      Yeah, I think you all are Cantoried this weekend.

      You know, I never doubted you were from DC, but if I did, the phrase “I am blessed with a great back road route to the highway to town” is proof enough. The back road route is highly prized and always a closely guarded secret.

      All the best people come from east of DC.

  10. Karen says:

    I admire the way you’ve so deftly transformed him into a participle. Well played indeed.

    Wonder if we’re thinking of the same back roads. What a small and fascinating world!

  11. planetross says:

    I don’t know who this “Cantore” is, but he is wanted in Vancouver for the Olympics … maybe.

    I like snow. It makes me look like I have a tan. hee hee!

  12. omawarisan says:

    I think he has been to Vancouver. He brings what people don’t need. He is like a weather anti santa claus

  13. hippie cahier says:

    Jim Cantore is reporting from Wilmington, NC this morning. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing him in DC soon.

  14. Betty says:

    I remembered this post and had to search it to say that Cantore is probably peeing his pants with glee at this moment, hovering somewhere between your home state and mine.


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