Cantore, go home.Posted: January 31, 2010
I don’t like snow. I don’t like ice outside of a drink, a cooler, or a polar ice cap. I don’t like Jim Cantore from the Weather Channel.
I live north of Charlotte, NC. It snowed here Friday. When I woke up Saturday morning there were six inches of snow outside el rancho Omawarisan. Then the ice came.
Keep in mind this is a region that does not do winter weather well. Once, schools were cancelled because someone unexpectedly made a snow cone.
Why did this plague befall my adopted hometown? There is no scientific explanation. It is the end of January. Spring begins here at the beginning of March, so it ought to be getting warmer about now.
Soon the calls and text messages began coming in from out-of-town friends – “We saw Cantore is in Charlotte so we called to see if you are ok.” Cantore. That explains everything. The angel of misery arrived. Nothing good happens while that guy is in town.
I’m sure that if I contacted the Weather Channel they could provide travel records that would prove that Mr. Cantore arrives in the areas he plagues based on forecasts. I’m not contacting them because I am not concerned with facts that disprove my thesis that where Cantore goes, misery follows.
You know, based on that not being concerned with facts that disprove my thesis thing, I am considering a career as a political strategist.
But I digress…
How many people have turned on their televisions, seen Jim Cantore is in their city and thought “oh God, we’re screwed”? Does anyone know how many vacation plans have been scrapped upon the sight of that man in a resort town?
I’ll bet those who know him think well of the guy. Truth be told. besides the idea that he is the angel of misery and quite possibly the anti-christ, I don’t really dislike the guy. I just want him to get out of town and take my misery with him.
Oh, one more thing. After everything stopped on Saturday, I cleaned my car of snow and ice. I knew I’d have to be at work early on Sunday. While I slept, it snowed again. It never snows twice here. Or at least it didn’t, until he came to town.
Pack your bag and get on the plane, Cantore. I have had enough.