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The Policies of my Administration: Cover songs. (Don Ho rocks!)

I love music. I have a complete lack of talent in that area. To paraphrase a line from a song by Little Feat, I couldn’t carry a tune in a bag.

Because I love and respect what musicians do, one of the policies of my administration will be the creation of the Cover Song Approval Board. As you probably know, a cover song is a re-recording of a song by an artist other than the one who originally recorded or made it famous. Some covers are really good. Others are really shameful. Shamefulness will not be tolerated by my administration.

7/27/08 Great show with great friends.

Let me explain how this would work. Suppose I had a band and we recorded an album. Now imagine one of the songs we chose to put on this collection is the Bruce Springsteen classic, Rosalita. We would be free to record the song in accordance with copyright laws, etc. Before the album could be sold, since it has a cover song on it, would have to be submitted to the Board for approval. Should the board like my band’s version of Rosalita, the album could be sold as is. Consumers could buy the album, knowing it is free from lame cover songs.

Let’s suppose the board does not approve. Not only would the offending song have to be removed from the album, but as a penalty for creating a distasteful remake of a classic song, the song the board could also remove the song they think is the next best from the album.

In the interest of full disclosure, this is not a fair example. No one would ever be allowed to cover Rosalita during my administration.

Now, some would complain that this impinges on artistic expression. Some might even say it smacks of censorship.

I say look at this:

Now what do you think? Hmm??? Not enough? Ok.

Look at this:

So, are you ready to agree that this is an important and vital part of policy for any well meaning ruler of the world? No?

I didn’t want to have to go this far.

Let me remind you of this-

I could go on, but my administration will adhere to the Geneva Convention. There will be no torture while I am in office.

Some of you are saying to yourselves it seems as if I am opposed to any cover songs whatsoever. This is not the case. It just seemed easiest to make the case using examples of what should never have happened and what could not happen during my administration.

Behold Don Ho’s cover of Peter Gabriel’s Shock the Monkey.

Odd? Yes.

Cool? Very.

Would it be approved under my administration? Unquestionably.

Take some time, think about all the songs that never should have been.

I think you’ll see it my way.

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20 Comments on “The Policies of my Administration: Cover songs. (Don Ho rocks!)”

  1. Betty says:

    Holy crap. That video leaves me dumbfounded………

    • omawarisan says:

      Don kicks that song’s ass and takes its lunch money.

      • Betty says:

        I curse you omawarisan. That song (don ho version of course) has now been running through my brain ever since I watched it. Back in the 80s, I once had the Green Acres theme running through my head for two weeks. This may be challenging that record.

  2. TanyaKY says:

    The video has left me speechless!!! My mouth fell open and had to be physically closed. Wow!! Did I actually see Jack Lord aka Steve McGarrett of “Hawaii Five-O near the end?”

  3. KathiD says:

    Good lord, man, did you have to show that Michael Bolton thing?

    A cover that I like, although it’s not as good as the original of course, is “Kern River,” written and originally performed by Merle Haggard and covered by Dave Alvin. I hope that would pass muster in your administration, your excellency.

    • omawarisan says:

      Kathi, please tell me you didn’t watch the whole thing. You may need to seek medical attention. Some have required a Shmaltzectomy to remove the build up of excessive sappiness than can occur upon listening to that.

  4. KathiD says:

    P.S. I’m almost glad Otis Redding is dead, so that he is spared the experience you have visited on me.

    • omawarisan says:

      Actually, now that I think about it, the board would strike a blow for posthumous artistic integrity.

      Sometimes you have to invent quasi legal moral concepts to justify things. Posthumous artistic integrity for Otis!

  5. Karen says:

    If Springsteen and Little Feat are representative of the musical zeitgeist of the Blurtocracy, I am counting the days.

    I would like to submit a Do Not Cover title for your administration’s consideration. But first, I must come out of the closet to say that I like Toby Keith. To say so, I risk being asked to resign membership in a couple of professional associations and the loss of some personal relationships, but it’s true. That’s a tangent for another day in my own hopefully soon to be launched blog.

    That said, I think “Mockingbird” is a song that just cannot and should not be covered. The version TK did with his daughter isn’t terrible. She seems quite talented and I wish her the greatest success. It came up in my iPod rotation recently and I couldn’t help thinking that if it weren’t already and immortally James and Carly’s, it might have been a big hit.

    Has Don Ho covered Mockingbird?

    • omawarisan says:

      The Blurtocracy…you’ve got me dying here. It’s a form of government, it is a historical era…I like it!

      I agree on Mockingbird. I think the song is a tempting target for people who ought not be shooting. Your point on “immortally James and Carly’s” is exactly why we need the policy.

      As best I can tell, no Don Ho Mockingbird, but I’ve got Tom Jones doing Burning Down The House.

  6. linlah says:

    So that whole crappy version of American Pie by Madonna could be erased from the face of the earth?

    YEAH.

    • omawarisan says:

      I could have lived the rest of my life without ever knowing that happened. Yes, that is banned, I don’t even need to listen.

      I feel nauseous just knowing she did that song.

  7. queensgirl says:

    Oma, you may lose any respect you had for me after reading this, but as a pathologically honest person, I feel I must ‘fess up. Are you ready?

    Okay…I was once a Michael Bolton fan. Oh, Oma, don’t look at me like that. Would the fact that I was in elementary school at the time make any difference?

    • omawarisan says:

      I got kind of dizzy for a minute there until I got to the last sentence and realized the elementary school exemption clause applied.

      No CD’s, nothing on the iPod, right?

      • queensgirl says:

        Oh, good. I assumed there was an e.s.e. clause, but I just wanted to be sure, and I know you know these things.

        I actually don’t have an iPod –hey, I told you in my first post I’m low-tech!– but I’m mulling it over. The problem is that if I had one and used it, say, on the bus on my way to work, I’d want to sing along,and I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing so on the bus. Not that people don’t do odd things there– remind me to tell you the cow s___ story some time.

        • omawarisan says:

          Yes, actually, the elementary school exemption even applies if say, you watched that entire Bolton video out of sentimentality for that time in your life, provided you did not inflict it on others.

          The iPod is the single greatest invention since the artificial heart, including the artificial heart.

        • queensgirl says:

          Funny that you linked to the post in which I mentioned the cow s— story, as I just wrote a post about it last night. (Not to advertise.)

  8. […] he’s no Don Ho, but I’m damn sure right about the band, aren’t […]


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