On a trip to the hardware store.Posted: April 3, 2010
On Friday, I had some projects to take care of at home that necessitated me taking a trip to the hardware store. Now I’ve said in an earlier post that I am not a tool guy. In its own way, that is part of what makes going to the hardware store interesting for me.
Most of the people who work at the hardware store are tool guys. I enjoy talking to them as if I understand what they’re telling me. The truth is, most of the time they might as well be speaking Latin.
I bought some wood. That really didn’t require a lot of discussion. I also rented a big, gas-powered lawn aerator. I waited my turn in the rental section while the tool guy explained to a tool guy customer the finer points of using and maintaining some monstrosity he was renting. I stood there and nodded knowingly as they discussed setting the compression and placing the flanges, or something like that. I like to think of that as practicing and warming up for the coming discussion.
When my turn came, my practice paid off. I really did a good job of deploying the knowing nod and chuckling in the right places as the tool guy told me about the last person who rented the machine I was getting. I got in a quick “what was he thinking” and managed to hide that if he hadn’t told me that story I’d likely have done the same thing.
Of course, maybe me was telling me the story because he sensed I’d replicate that guys mistake. I’m choosing not to think that though. I think he was just talking tool guy to tool guy.
All things considered, I did a pretty credible job of faking that I understood what he was telling me. My credibility lasted right up until I drove my car up to load the machine in for the ride home. Apparently tool guys know that you don’t put big machines in the back of a Honda CRV. Lesson learned for all you non-tool guys out there: sometimes you have to borrow a pick up truck to keep your pseudo tool guy credibility.
On the way out of the shopping center, I saw a lot of people gathered in front of the supermarket. The store was having a fundraiser to help fight heart disease.
You can’t really argue with raising money to fight heart disease, can you? Hearts aren’t liberal or conservative, Christian, Muslim, or Jewish. No matter how we think about things, our hearts have to keep chugging along for us to do it. It is kind of sad that people don’t realize there are more issues like this that tie us together than there are those that drive us apart. But anyhow…
The fundraiser to fight heart disease was a hot dog sale.
Hot dogs and the rest of the cured meat family have long been friends of the heart, and soldiers in the fight against heart disease. I don’t see this as an ironic choice at all, or at least not any more than a pancake supper for diabetes.
I had my charity hot dog with mustard because I am a purist.
I had a diet soda with my hot dog because I am not above mixing ironic caloric decisions with ironic charity selections.