Using the mojo hand

An ad for a Mojo Hand.

I have been listening to a lot of blues music today. Naturally my mind drifted to an important question. What if I had a mojo hand?

It’s pretty common in blues tunes to hear the singer mention that they’re going to get a mojo, or a mojo hand. Usually they’re getting the mojo hand to influence a love interest or to stop someone who is “doing them wrong”.

As best I can tell between really weak research and listening to music, the mojo hand is part of hoodoo superstition. It isn’t literally a hand, but is typically a small sack of items and ingredients that have the intended influence  or effect upon its intended target.

Now, the critical question. How would I, a middle aged white guy, use my mojo hand?

First off, I would tell my friends I had a mojo hand. I’m not one to brag and I certainly don’t need a mojo hand for my friends. I would tell them for completely shallow reasons. If for instance, they were talking with an acquaintance who may or may not remember me, how cool would it be to know they’d say, “you know, they guy with the mojo hand.” Isn’t that much cooler than being the guy with glasses?

Now, about actually using the power of my mojo hand. I would, of course, use it only for important matters that affect society. Or those that kind of bug me.

For instance, people who wear pants and shorts with words on the butt  (especially if it says pink and there is no pink in the garment) would become uncomfortable when they came near my mojo hand and me. They’d realize how silly their choice was and feel compelled to go change clothes.

My mojo hand would also influence people who have crappy cars and attempt to improve them by putting loud, costly mufflers on them. They’d realize that loud mufflers make up for neither their inadequate personal development nor their rusty ’93 Corolla. The only problem with this use of my mojo hand is that the resulting shortage of crappy cars with high end mufflers that make them “sound like they are fast” would cripple the pizza delivery industry.

I’m still working on all the ways I’d use my mojo hand, but I am certain that I will have to use it to do something with people who tip poorly in restaurants and bars…or are just not kind to the staff there. My mojo hand and I would not be able to fathom that sort of behavior being acceptable. I’m certain the hand would compel people who have been boorish in the past to tip lavishly, even beyond what they could reasonably afford, to make up for past transgressions.

My mojo hand would be a force for good in a world of confusion and fear.

I found this video of Lightnin’ Hopkins, one of the great masters of the blues,  singing about getting a mojo hand. In the last few seconds something comes flying out of his mouth. What in the world is it? False teeth? Clearly Lightnin’ needed his mojo hand, or some poli-grip the day this was filmed. Lightnin’ was the greatest.

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21 Comments on “Using the mojo hand”

  1. […] presents Using the mojo hand posted at Blurt, saying, “A few thoughts about using the Mojo to right some wrongs. Alright, […]

  2. […] April 4, 2009 Now more people know I have the mojo hand Posted by omawarisan under Uncategorized | Tags: blog carnival, Lightnin Hopkins, mojo hand, thanks, you tube | No Comments  Another blog carnival link, this one from the It Grinds My Gears Blog Carnival, linking to my post called Using the mojo hand. […]

  3. planetross says:

    Maybe the were his Mojo Teeth! hee hee!

    If I had a lot of money, I’d buy a Mojo Hand Rover … with a noisy muffler.

  4. Pie says:

    Teeth, or no teeth, I thoroughly enjoyed that little Lightnin’ Hopkins video. I’ll have to go away and think of ways I could use my Mojo hand. I suspect the list will be long.

    • omawarisan says:

      There are so many ways to use it. When I think about it, once you establish you have the hand and are willing to use it, you probably can influence people without actually using the hand.

  5. Roger's Place says:

    I love Lightnin’ Hopkins!

    I do have a Mojo Hand. I picked it up in New Orleans. I use it to make my circle of friends happier. I would use it for society, but I believe the power of Mojo starts at home.

    Great Post, Blurt!

    • omawarisan says:

      Lightnin’ was great, wasnt he? I’ve been listening to everything I can get my hands on.

      New Orleans is still on my list of places to go. When I do, I am getting a hand. I have stuff I need to handle.

  6. linlah says:

    I don’t need a mojo hand to make those silly “pink” people feel uncomfortable.

  7. Karen says:

    It’s so nice to see that you (Oma and Roger) would use your mojo hands for good!

    Perhaps you would consider pooling your mojo powers to do something about people who stick their baby strollers out into the crosswalk to stop traffic. Tourist season has begun and this is back at the top of my list of Things I Do Not Comprehend.

  8. spencercourt says:

    That object flying out at the end of the video may be: gum, or maybe tobacco. Altho he didn’t appear to be chewing anytime during the video.

  9. wordofabe says:

    In order to get a Mojo Hand of your own, you have to eat someone elses. By freezing the frame of the afore mentioned video, then zooming in while playing the same type of music used on CSI Miami when they look at stuff through a microscope, we can plainly see that he is hucking up a boney finger from the Mojo Hand that he ate.

  10. Kate says:

    Huh. I’ve heard of mojo, but never a mojo hand. Thanks for schooling me, Oma!

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