Who the hell is Justin Bieber?

The committee has ruled.

Last week, there was no Justin Bieber.

This week, there is Justin Bieber.

There is no escape.

He is in the grocery store.

He is on the net, even news sites.

He was on Saturday Night Live before I knew he existed.

Who decides that he is suddenly the guy?

Is there a committee?

Once the committee decides, is there a ceremony?

Or white smoke?

If there is a committee, why do people listen?

I’m certain I’m not his target audience.

I’m boycotting him just the same.

It won’t make a difference.

The committee has decided.

Last week, there was no Justin Bieber

This week, there is Justin Bieber.

There is no escape.


52 Comments on “Who the hell is Justin Bieber?”

  1. shoutabyss says:

    Awesome! Did you write that? Please tell me you did! πŸ™‚

  2. Lucky Eye says:

    I TOTALLY agree with you. Suddenly, he’s the THING. His music isn’t that good!

    • omawarisan says:

      Out of nowhere! I figure if I become aware of a musician while in the check out line at the grocery store, he/she isn’t really about music.

      Clapton on the cover of People magazine? Nah.

  3. planetross says:

    I was still blissfully unaware when I read this. Now I have to erase my memory again!

    It is a very nice piece of writing.

  4. shutterboo says:

    O, I was thinking the same thing when I saw this ridiculously smiley kid staring at me in the grocery store from a magazine cover. I have no idea what’s going on any more. But to be honest, I think I’m ok with that.

  5. chrislipjournal says:

    I became blissfully unaware of pop music two years ago when my car antenna broke off in the car wash. So far, I don’t regret it.

    Rob Hanson at Chrislip Journal

    • omawarisan says:

      Welcome Rob.

      Yeah, I think fi I didn’t have my iPod Id probably still be at the point of paying a carwash specifically to break my antenna. I havent listened to commercial radio in years.

  6. KathiD says:

    I had the misfortune of discovering his existence on SNL myself. Where does a person like that come from? And why is he on SNL?

    • omawarisan says:

      Exactly, why is he on SNL? Isn’t his audience supposed to be in bed by then?

      We’ve seen him before though, Kathi, his name used to be David Cassidy, then it was Donnie Osmond, and then…and then… and then…

      The committee has given us some gems.

      • KathiD says:

        In all fairness, I don’t think Donnie counts, since he is still actually making a living from his singing. But I get your point.

        But seriously, how does a person like that get “discovered”? Certainly not by his talent, although I confess I fast-forwarded past his singing spots.

  7. Karen says:

    From the Totally Random and Bizarre Responses Department:

    I read this last night before going to bed. When I awoke at 2:30 barely able to breathe from a developing cold, my first thought was not, “OMG, I can’t breathe. I’m going to die.”

    No, instead, my first thought was, “Someone should get Jackson Browne into the studio to replace ‘Madonna’ with ‘Justin,’ as in to, ‘I don’t worry about Justin or the next thing he might do…” But then I realized ‘Justin’ doesn’t rhyme with ‘your mama’ and started trying to figure out how to fix that part.

    Since this was (and still is) a totally non-medicated line of thought, I can only assume it was the result of oxygen deprivation.

    • omawarisan says:

      Ahh, once again you prove yourself a woman of taste. Even while oxygen deprived, you try to find a way to eliminate this flash in the pan via one of the greats.

      • omawarisan says:

        and I reply to myself…your Jackson Browne reference made me go look at his website. New Live CD out May 11!

        Sure, his tour once again will not stop in Charlotte. I may have to road trip for this one.

    • KathiD says:

      May I say, as I humbly bow at your feet, Karen, you are a goddess and a genius.

      Also, I saw Jackson Browne live this summer and I will pre-testify that the new CD will be first-rate. The man still has it. And forget Dick Clark, JB is the one who never ages. Holy crap, the man is MY AGE and he still looks like he did way back when, unless you get real close and see the slight wrinkling around his eyes. Which I have only seen in photos, dang it. Would that I could get that close live and in person.

      • KathiD says:

        So, I guess “this summer” really means “last summer.” I don’t do dates and seasons well.

        • Karen says:

          Aw, shucks…right backatcha on the goddess/genius thing. I wonder if he appreciates the fact that in my almost-dying last breath, he was on my mind. Well, and Justin and Madonna, but mostly him.

  8. queensgirl says:

    But why is he so inescapable? And why did no one tell me I had so much power when I was a pre-teen girl?

  9. Betty says:

    Okay, is this a joke? This is the first time I’ve heard the name.

  10. Betty says:

    I’m going to Vegas soon , is it the type of person I’ll hear about there?

  11. pienbiscuits says:

    Junior High? By the look of him, you’d have to go to Kindergarten. He may be sixteen, but he looks half that age. If I were to have lewd thoughts, even as a teenager (because the role of a girlishly handsome pop star is to be the conduit of said thoughts), I’d be looking jail straight in the eye.

    I’ve heard of him and I’ve also wondered why, but only for a moment. It can only be a follow on from the whole American Idol/X Factor diabetic coma inducing syrup, laughingly called music. Man, I’m feeling bitter this week. I need to find a dark corner and calm down. A straight Vodka with ice should do it.

    • omawarisan says:

      You know… after this week, if you all weren’t blanketed by Iceland’s flaming ashhole I’d fly over and bring the Vodka. Hope you’re ok, or at least not so sooty.

  12. spencercourt says:

    Only after reading the other responses did I learn that “Justin” is a singer with a song. A song I have managed to miss because (a) I rarely listen to radio and (b) when I do listen to radio it is “oldies” music…like Jackson Browne.

    This is one of many instances where ignorance is indeed bliss.

  13. Pauline says:

    The same people decided that he was great are the same people who keep Lady Gag-me on heavy rotation on TV and radio.

    Awful, awful “music”.

  14. Kate says:

    Word on the street is he’s mad about his People magazine cover. I have to say, it’s certainly not flattering.

    Any idea how to pronounce his last name? Beeber? BYEber?

    • omawarisan says:

      I’ve never heard him or actually heard his name said aloud. It just seems like he is all over the web and in print media.

      It is just striking how suddenly his fifteen minutes started.

  15. wordofabe says:

    Along with millions of Americans, I have asked this exact same question. Who is Justin Beiber. I looked it up. He was born yesterday in… Canada! A powerful record dude found him on Youtube and hooked him up with Usher. He has performed for President and first lady Obama. Huh? Still doesn’t ring a bell. Although from appearances, it would seem that he is a mild-mannered six year-old, apparently, his life is filled with violence and wonder. Case in point, Wikipedia’s following description of a concert event:

    While promoting the album, Bieber was scheduled to appear at Long Island’s Roosevelt Field Mall, but the performance had to be canceled.Over 3,000 screaming fans showed up for the appearance. The event got out of control and over 35 units from the Nassau County and Garden City police departments had to be called in. Several fans received minor injuries. The police arrested an Island Records senior vice-president, James A. Roppo, reportedly for hindering the police’s crowd control efforts by not sending a timely message on Twitter as instructed by the police. James Roppo pleaded not guilty to all charges.On March 24, 2010 Bieber’s manager, Scooter Braun, was arrested on one count of second-degree reckless endangerment and one count of second-degree criminal nuisance related to the incident. Braun pleaded not guilty to both charges and was later released.

    Yes, Mr. Roppo was arrested for not Twittering! This world is strange and I want no part of it.

    • omawarisan says:

      I just found out this afternoon he is coming to the arena where I work to pick up a few hours of overtime here and there. This could be bad, I may have to actually hear him.

      I will do live twitter updates.

  16. warren says:

    donnie osmond david cassidy lief garrett if you look them they didnt last long either but like and me we know what real music is, is he the beattles whom he thinks is no he basically apeals to eleven and twelve year girls, he will fade out just like the johnas brothers are its just a fad and once these girls grow up thell probably laughf about this

  17. queensgirl says:

    I just saw a headline that stated he is “single and ready to mingle.” I, meanwhile, am ready to get physically ill.

  18. Jenny says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one. Just last week I said to nobody in particular: “WHO IS JUSTIN BIEBER?” But the fact that I had to ask the question means I don’t really care about the answer.

    As you were.

    • omawarisan says:

      “But the fact that I had to ask the question means I don’t really care about the answer.”

      For the record, I am officially digging that thought.

      Welcome Jenny!

      Carry on, ma’am

  19. sarahnsh says:

    This is why I don’t care too much that my cable T.V. has farted out and decided to give me about 8 channels. I can’t stand this kid, and I do mean kid. He definitely came out of the woodworks of nowhere and now you can’t seem to escape him… unless if you have my crappy T.V. and mainly stick with discovery/animal planet. Though, I’m afraid you might sight a Bieber out in the safari…

  20. Martik says:

    Oh sh*t, how much I hate this little sh*t.

    he can only sing:
    “babe, babe, babe, babe, ohhhhhhh ….. babe, babe, babe, ohhhhhhh babe.”

    P.S. I think I just sing better than him! don’t you think?

  21. Z.N. Singer says:

    Lol – that was fun. After holding out this long I finally decided to get some clue who he is – a remarkable number of exact hits respond to the google search ‘who the he*l is Justin bieber’. Clearly we are not alone in being bemused at this odd phenomenon. If you do find the committee, see if they can be bribed. Sooner or later I’ll want to publish a novel, they could come in handy.

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