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Sorry for any convenience

I can have a shake for lunch if it is named smoothie

I’m working. I drive to a shopping center to grab a smoothie for lunch.

I pull into the only vacant spot in front of the building. It is in front of a lingerie shop. The shopping center has a pizza joint, a tax preparation office, a lingerie shop, a smoothie shop, a barber and a grocery specializing in Indian food. When the architect of this building drive by it, he says quietly to himself “this was not my vision”.

A hand written sign hangs in the lingerie shop door. “We will not open until 4pm today. Sorry for any convenience.” I read it a second time to confirm what I think I read. I don’t read it a third time because I fear my head will explode from thinking about that sentence. Also, standing in front of a lingerie shop and explaining to those who might wonder why I’m there that I’m reading the sign on the door probably isn’t going to sell well.

Yeah baby!

I order my smoothie – a pineapple pleasure. If I ever open a smoothie shop, I will have a pineapple pleasure on the menu. When people order it, I will snicker at the name.

The clerk tells me how much my pineapple pleasure costs. I had her a $20 bill. She says “out of $20?”. I nod. I’m not paying attention. I look up after she doesn’t give me change in the amount of time you’d kind of expect it would take. She’s still holding the money, waiting for me to confirm that it is, in fact, a twenty. I say “yes, twenty.” She makes my change. I never knew that was really a question.

If you see these on the back, you can be sure the ass is in the front seat.

Pulling out of the lot, I end up behind a pick up truck. The owner has attached a pair of large simulated testicles to the trailer hitch of his truck. Why do some men think it increases their status to drive a truck that is better equipped than they are?

Let’s sum up in no particular order, shall we?

Trucks don’t really have genitalia. People who put them on their trucks probably shouldn’t either.

Some architects are sad.

If you’re expecting change, it is now required that you answer the questions.

Pineapple Pleasure. Sounds naughty. Delicious and healthy despite the name.

I am sorry for any convenience.

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34 Comments on “Sorry for any convenience”

  1. Marge says:

    You’re having a more interesting day than me so far!

  2. betty says:

    I’ve just spent the last 4 days in Las Vegas and thought I’d seen it all in terms of tacky (including meeting and having my photo taken with Ice-T and his fabulously tacky wife — if you’ve never seen her, google it). But your testicle truck sighting tops it all! I have a 3 hour layover tomorrow morning in what I believe is your local airport. Please do your best, Oma, to keep that truck away from the airport between 6am and 9am. After the weekend I’ve had, I don’t think I could handle an encounter with a fool like that.

  3. Pauline says:

    “Why do some men think it increases their status to drive a truck that is better equipped than they are?”

    Good question! And on that note, I saw a bumper sticker that read: “Nice truck, sorry about your penis”.

    Too funny! (But very accurate)

    • omawarisan says:

      Oh man, that bumper sticker is great.

      I’m just amazed that someone thought those things hanging off a truck were a good idea and that other people actually buy them.

  4. izaakmak says:

    I had this crazy idea once, about mounting one of those marquee displays on my car so that I could comment on the world as I drive through it. I wonder if using such a device would be considered “texting while driving?” ๐Ÿ˜€

  5. Lucky Eye says:

    LOL Sorry for any convenience. Everyone wants their convenience, am I right?

  6. KathiD says:

    The owner of a company that is going to be doing some work for us told us that, when installing their product, they like to make it as inconvenient for the homeowner as possible. I said, “Inconvenient?”

    He said, “I wonder how many times I have told people that.” (until a mouthy customer pointed it out to him)

  7. wordofabe says:

    I can’t afford to buy the cast metal scrotum for my truck, so I told my wife I am going to make my own out of some panty-hose and two soccer balls. She already thinks I am manly, but this will put me over the top.

  8. planetross says:

    I think vehicles are androgynous usually … except for the mail truck.

    I drive in neutered most of the time … sadly.

  9. shoutabyss says:

    This has got to be one of the best and funniest posts of all time! Well done.

    I really think “sorry for any convenience” would be excellent for a line of t-shirts. Very snarky and underhanded IMHO.

    I think it really takes some balls to display those stupid ass testicles on your ride. Especially when the ride in question is already a vehicle for compensation, if you know what I mean. One night my wife and I pulled into the pizza place and the parking lot was filled with nothing but gigantic pickup trucks like the one pictured. I turned to her and said, “Looks like lots of small penises here tonight.”

    ๐Ÿ™‚

    • omawarisan says:

      Thank you sir!

      Been actually thinking on the t-shirt thing. I have an Iceland t-shirt in mind too. Icelandic flag on the front, on the back, “I thought a glacier on a volcano was a good idea too.”

      I don’t get what message people are trying to get across with the truck testicles. Is is a “I’m so cool I will hang mass marketed symbols of rebellion on my truck?

  10. linlah says:

    I saw a woman with those testicles hanging on the back of the quad she rides. It was funny.

  11. spencercourt says:

    Would that be Tropical Smoothie with that Pineapple Pleasure? Because I notice they are giving PR to their new “tropical” smoothies so as to live up to their name. I’m tempted to try the one that has coconut and pineapple.

  12. tsanda says:

    I actually don’t mind the testicle truck thing. It gives me good notice of people I don’t want to converse / get to know, saves alot of time. Kinda like a popped collar on a polo is a good sign of steer clear of me. I like when people just go out of thier way to let me know ahead of time that we just won’t mesh… great time saver in this hectic world we live in

  13. Kate says:

    Oma, next time you see a funny sign like that, will you take a picture for me? I live for that kind of stuff.

    If I ever open a smoothie place, I’ll have the orange dream machine on the menu. Tastes like a creamsicle, i.e., heaven.

  14. […] in response to omawarisan over at Blurt who has a photo ofย a truck with testicles on it. I’d call this a rebuttal, but I didn’t take a picture of the otherside car with […]


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