Sorry for any conveniencePosted: April 26, 2010
I’m working. I drive to a shopping center to grab a smoothie for lunch.
I pull into the only vacant spot in front of the building. It is in front of a lingerie shop. The shopping center has a pizza joint, a tax preparation office, a lingerie shop, a smoothie shop, a barber and a grocery specializing in Indian food. When the architect of this building drive by it, he says quietly to himself “this was not my vision”.
A hand written sign hangs in the lingerie shop door. “We will not open until 4pm today. Sorry for any convenience.” I read it a second time to confirm what I think I read. I don’t read it a third time because I fear my head will explode from thinking about that sentence. Also, standing in front of a lingerie shop and explaining to those who might wonder why I’m there that I’m reading the sign on the door probably isn’t going to sell well.
I order my smoothie – a pineapple pleasure. If I ever open a smoothie shop, I will have a pineapple pleasure on the menu. When people order it, I will snicker at the name.
The clerk tells me how much my pineapple pleasure costs. I had her a $20 bill. She says “out of $20?”. I nod. I’m not paying attention. I look up after she doesn’t give me change in the amount of time you’d kind of expect it would take. She’s still holding the money, waiting for me to confirm that it is, in fact, a twenty. I say “yes, twenty.” She makes my change. I never knew that was really a question.
Pulling out of the lot, I end up behind a pick up truck. The owner has attached a pair of large simulated testicles to the trailer hitch of his truck. Why do some men think it increases their status to drive a truck that is better equipped than they are?
Let’s sum up in no particular order, shall we?
Trucks don’t really have genitalia. People who put them on their trucks probably shouldn’t either.
Some architects are sad.
If you’re expecting change, it is now required that you answer the questions.
Pineapple Pleasure. Sounds naughty. Delicious and healthy despite the name.
I am sorry for any convenience.