I Proof YouPosted: May 11, 2010
I have a franchise business plan that will make me obscenely wealthy. Even if it only makes me fabulously well off, it will pay off in enough laughs to make it worth while.
My new business will be a proofreading service for dumb people. Why? Because dumb people insist on using words.
Every day dumb people get tattoos, make signs and deliver messages with words that they are wholly unqualified to use. By putting a proofreader in places where dumb people might use words, I will be in a position to help protect them from themselves (and rake in the bucks).
Here is how the business, called I Proof You (IPY) will work. Let’s imagine that there is an I Proof You franchise in a tattoo shop. A young man comes in to get some ink. Let’s say he is the young man I ran across the other day. The IPY representative would offer to proofread the text of his design for spelling errors, double meanings and other mistakes which could lead to permanent embarrassment for him.
Because you are a bright person, you might ask “if he is dumb, why would he be smart enough to pay for someone to proofread his tattoo before he gets it?” The answer is simple, IPY’s slogan “Pay us now, or we will work for free later.” What that will come to mean to the potential IPY customer is that, if he chooses not to pay for our service, we will tell him as he leaves the shop what his tattoo really means to people who are literate.
Let’s go further with the example of the young man I recently met. He enters the tattoo shop and is offered a form on which to write the words he plans to have permanently emblazoned on his arm. He is gets a chance to pay $50 to have the words proofed. He refuses and gets himself tattooed with the words “No one can’t judge me.” On his way out, IPY works for free, telling him the wording of his new tattoo actually means that everyone is able to judge him. He leaves, knowing he will forever deliver an unintended and opposite message. When he returns for some new ink, he will spend the extra money on IPY.
Sign shops are equally dangerous. I occasionally drive past a video rental shop. Like most good business persons, the owners of the shop had a sign made to let people know where the business is. According to the sign, the name of this shop is Video Bizarre. You and I know that the owners were probably envisioning a bazaar. Bizarre has a completely different meaning. We both can see where IPY could have helped in this unfortunate situation.
My last example of how I Proof You could save someone from a life of embarrassment is in the area of vehicular adornment. I saw a woman recently driving a 1980’s model SUV. It had a plastic bug screen on the front of the hood. She had spent her hard-earned money to have some words painted on that screen. She really needed IPY’s help.
Perhaps she was a fan of Willie Nelson and enjoyed the movie he was in back in 1980 called Honeysuckle Rose. It could be that she liked the old jazz standard, also called Honeysuckle Rose. Whichever of those it was that she wanted to show her love of, she delivered a different message. She had paid to have someone very neatly paint on her bug screen the words “Honey Suckle Rose”.
IPY would have been able to tell her that the act of separating the compound word honeysuckle into the two words that compose it changed her message completely. Instead of driving around with a tribute to Willie Nelson’s acting (a strange thing to do) this woman unwittingly displays a three word instructional phrase that had nothing to do with Willie and everything to do with an act between two people named Honey and Rose.
Yeah, the money and the laughs will come. Franchise opportunities now available.