Soulja Boy – stop texting me.

Dude, how about not texting me in the middle of the night? Now bird walk over to the sink and wash your neck.

This morning I woke up and checked my phone. Apparently Soulja Boy Tell ’em  is trying to get in touch with me again.

I was a little surprised the first time it happened. Soulja Boy and I have not really been that close before. All the same, there was the text message again: “Soulja Boy Tell ’em sent you a message. Call 678-999-xxxx to listen.”

Soulja Boy took it upon himself to get in touch. I was a little embarrassed at first because I really don’t know enough about the guy to call him back. I thought of calling some of my friends, but none of them have really brought up his name, so I don’t think they would be a lot of help.

So I did a little internet research and found out that Soulja Boy is someone who has had some success as a rapper. This accounts for me not really not knowing anything about the guy. It made sense to me to look up his lyrics to figure out a little about him and what we might talk about. I searched on his recordings and picked a song called Bird Walk.

Soulja Boy Tell Em
Ya know what it is man
Turn my swag on man
Time to hit my bird walk man

I don’t know what it is. I’ve got no idea. I do know that, while I am pretty much a live and let live guy, I do believe that people should turn on their own swag. Some of you, like Soulja Boy, might disagree with me on that point.

I don’t think I’m going to call him. Swag and Bird Walking are divisive issues.

He keeps texting. This has gone on for about a month. Last night he texted in the middle of the night.

I’m not turning on his swag.

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29 Comments on “Soulja Boy – stop texting me.”

  1. wordofabe says:

    You may be missing out on something special here, but it’s your call. I believe in this situation proper etiquette calls for a polite return text message back to Soulja Boy telling him that you already have enough friends and, unfortunately, you don’t have the time or resources to be a texting friend to a flash-in-the-pan famous rapper. Be polite. Some rappers are tough. If you talk to him, tell him my young son saw a Youtube video with Soulja Boy’s “Superman” music and Spongebob Squarepants performing the video. He loved it.

    • omawarisan says:

      Dear Soulja Boy,

      I appreciate your efforts to contact me and build a bond. Unfortunately, I am not accepting applications at this time. I will make a note of your interest and contact you at the appropriate time. Don’t call us, we’ll call you.

      Wash your neck,


  2. pattypunker says:

    what’s with the cutouts in his eyebrows? that aint no swag soulja boy.

  3. Pie says:

    I was intrigued by the mention of the mash up of Soulja Boy’s ‘crank dat with a video of Spongebob Squarepants. A more random mix you couldn’t hope to find. It’s brilliant! Thanks, Wordofabe. I then found others on the same theme including Pussycat Dolls ‘Don’t cha’ and Eminen ‘Just lose it.’

    Getting back to the subject, perhaps you could fight back with a text telling Soulja Boy that he’s just received a message from Justin Bieber and that he sould call him to download his latest single. I think you will find those texts will cease very soon.

    One more thing. Leaving aside the eyebrows, which is a style that’s at least ten years old, I think he has a nice face and he’s trying a little too hard to be hard, if you know what I mean. The tattoos on the neck are unfortunate, however. Maybe he should meet up with that bird who got it together with Jesse James, who happened to be inconveniently married to Sandra Bullock at the time. That would be a mash up I’d like to see. Or maybe not.

  4. linlah says:

    I don’t get any of it and I feel like that makes me one of the lucky ones.

  5. spencercourt says:

    This is one reason why I told my cell phone provider to block all text messages.

    • omawarisan says:

      You know, if I had not had them on my work cell first, I’d have done that too. I use them all the time now though. If nothing else, they’re a spectacular way to mess with people in a meeting.

  6. Counter Culture Clown says:

    My swag is on all the time. I’m Swagful. I exude Swagitude. I have no fucking idea what Swag means.

    Lil’ Wayne does my cornrows. Just sayin’. Rap stars have day jobs too.

    • omawarisan says:

      Whenever I take a bird walk around my neighborhood, a lot of people stop me to make sure I know that you maximize your swagaliciousness on a daily basis. I don’t know why they take up my time with that, some things are self evident.

      Or something like that.

  7. KathiD says:

    I wouldn’t touch his swag with a ten-foot pole. Nor would I walk with his bird.

  8. jammer5 says:

    The urban dictionary defines swag as such:
    “I got with two girls last night”
    “Awesome dude, that’s some swag”
    “I think one of them was my sister though…”
    “Negative swag”

    So, dude, in refusing to text back, you’re obviously sending out negative swag, which means you dated your sister last night.
    Step in side da club fresh from head to toe,
    Hit my bird walk and den I messin wit my merry-go,
    Obviously the guy is going out and partying at a place that has a merry-go-round, and has to walk lightly because of the kids waiting to ride it. Personally, I think he wants to party with you at Disney World.

    Ain’t logic grand?

  9. shutterboo says:

    What’s wrong with his eyebrows?

  10. planetross says:

    I’ll have to check if Spanky, Alfalfa, and Froggy had those cuts in their eyebrows … they were in a gang!!!!

  11. Kim Pugliano says:

    OH MY GOD. I just read this post out loud to my husband – which was hard enough through the laughter. Add the comments and I am currently crying. Mascara has run into my eyes and they BURN and I can barely see to type this. Luckily I type for a living or this comment would look like this:

    sdfjoienvneeu adenkadieonfkaodjdfoifndvlknef7wrhlnfbwehrlnlnvosdpf

  12. dylan says:

    i must say to the owner of this post that you are an incompetant retard, 678-999-8212 is not soulja boy’s number. It is a soulja boy help line from his assistant for fans. so get your shit straight before you go around talking as if you know everything, mmkay (: your pathetic

    • omawarisan says:

      Hi Dylan. Thanks for identifying me as an incompetent retard. If I were prone to snap judgments, as you seem to be, I would call you out as a punk cracker wanna be, never will be rapper based on your name and Wisconsin e-mail address.

      In fact, while we’ve got this time together, Mr. Lil Wayne wannabe (again from your email address), let’s list all the successful rappers who have come out of Wisconsin.

      Ok, so I guess we’re done with that list, huh?

      As to me being pathetic, let me point out that the proper word to use to refer to me as pathetic would be you’re, not your. You’re is the contraction of you are, your is used to indicate possession or ownership of something…like perhaps my owning you.

      Now let’s move on to the things that make me an incompetent retard. If you’ll notice, I never said that was his phone number. In fact, the number I put there has the last 4 numbers replaced with the letter x. Do you know any phone numbers with the letter x in them? Me neither. I left those numbers out as a courtesy to Mr. Boy, whose publicity people can’t seem to be courteous enough to not text me at 3 am.

      Also, apparently in your world, the best way to come across as knowing everything is to admit, as I did, that I don’t know anything about your buddy, Mr. Boy and had to look him up to figure out who he was.

      I think I’ll let it lie right there, son. It is kind of sad that you are so upset about me talking about Soulja Boy and that I don’t like being texted with promotions in the middle of the night. Here is what I’ll do for you. I will write myself a note to remind me you are upset and when I have the time to feel concern about your opinion I will decide if I want to give a crap.

      Thanks for playing, wanna be. Get in touch when you’re not writing from an email account your parents are paying for and let me know if Mr. Boy is still as important to you then as he is right now.

      Have a nice day.


  13. Anonymous says:


    • omawarisan says:

      Hi, thanks for asking. I’m fine. I’m just here conducting various activities related to my swag, that’s what I’m doing.

      W(h)at are you doing, Anonymous?

  14. Anonymous says:

    SHE SAID IM REAL AND THAT ALL SHE NEED,,,,,,,, soulja boy

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