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Dear Pooja Sharma

Are you talkin' to me?

A year ago this month I wrote two posts about Komodo Dragons. The blog was just getting started and not many people read them.

Today they climb ladders, tomorrow they’re picking your locks and its companion piece, More on the coming Komodo Dragon Menace are the finest pieces of Komodo Dragon Journalism I have ever produced.

For some reason, those posts have started to get some traffic in the past few weeks. One has even gotten a comment, from someone named Pooja Sharma. I have no idea what to do with Pooja’s comment so I am going to try answering it here.

Pooja wrote:

A KOMODO DRAGON HAS ENTERED IN OUR TOILET PIPE , BY THE HELP OF HTAT PIPE HE ENTERS THE TOILET SEAT AND NOW HE HAS START ENTERING THE WASHROOM ALSO WE ARE VERY SCARED OF THE DRAGON SITTING THERE IN THE PIPE LINE . WE HAVE ONLY ONE WASHROOM SO ITS A COMPULSION FOR US TO USE THAT SEAT BUT ITS VERY DANGEROUS FOR OUR LIVES PLEASE HELP, OR SUGGEST SOMETHING SO THAT WE CAN GET RID OF IT . PLEASE RESPOND AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

I have absolutely no expertise in the fields of preventing Komodo Dragon attacks or plumbing. With that disclaimer in place, I have to say that I am not unsympathetic to Pooja’s situation.  I live without the fear that my daddy parts will be consumed by a giant lizard the next time I answer the call of nature. I can certainly imagine that is stressful to live with that kind of fear. I’m going to make two suggestions.

My theory, Pooja, is that Komodo Dragons are afraid of the dark.  I don’t have any facts to base this theory on. What I would suggest is that you take advantage  of the dragon’s fear. Plug both ends of your toilet pipe. This will terrify the dragon. Keep the pipe sealed until you can hear the dragon crying. Once you hear sobbing, open the end of the pipe outside your house. The dragon will leave and not return for fear of ending up in the dark again.

The other suggestion I would make  is to drop a piece of dry ice into your toilet before you sit down and do your business. The fog generated by the dry ice in the water will confuse the dragon when he emerges from the drain. It will also screen you from the dragon’s sight. Confused and unable to see clearly enough  to bite your backside, the dragon will move on to a toilet pipe not similarly protected.

Pooja, I hope those help. Thanks for asking. Let me know if the problem continues, I’d be happy to give more solutions to your Komodo Dragon issue or anything else that is on your mind.

Maybe I’ll start an advice blog.

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21 Comments on “Dear Pooja Sharma”

  1. wordofabe says:

    If you are going to get questions like this on your advice blog, I recommend using a good attorney to draft a rock-solid disclaimer and some good insurance for the unfortunate times at which your advice on ridding toilets of Komodo dragons fails, resulting in extremely painful bites.

    But it really sounds exciting!

    • omawarisan says:

      Hmmm…”O knows nothing about which he speaks. He urges you not to take any advice he gives as valid or a good idea. Acting upon Omawarisan’s advice can be dangerous and may subject you to prosecution, so don’t, ok?”

  2. frigginloon says:

    I suggest Pooja just pack up his belongings and get the hell out of there OR try flushing 😦

  3. Pie says:

    Liquid Nitrogen.

    When the little fella’s head pops up, pour the Liquid Nitrogen on to him. The head will freeze, then shatter into little pieces like Wesley Snipes in ‘Demolition Man.’ The rest of the body will slink back down the pipe to be flushed away with the other detritus. Job done.

    P.S: Make sure you are wearing heavy duty gloves and make sure your pants are up, otherwise, you may end up getting rid of a lot more than you bargained for.

  4. HippieCahier says:

    1. This sounds like a case for Billy the Exterminator.

    2. To wordofabe — There is a really good lawyer/reptile joke in there somewhere. Then again, maybe it’s too obvious?

  5. pattypunker says:

    i see a movie in the making: zombies vs komodo dragons.

  6. KathiD says:

    If that was my bathroom, I would remove my belongings from the home, set fire to it, and drive away.

  7. Pauline says:

    Komodo dragon stuck in the can? Hmm..perhaps he should try plugging a stereo into the bathroom and blaring Celine Dion or Kenny G at full volume.

    THAT should scare the bugger away! 😉

  8. izaakmak says:

    Maybe the poor man should read some of oma’s stuff to the beast. I’m sure it’ll die of something… 🙄

  9. planetross says:

    I think you haver an entry about “touching dangerous animals”, instead of hunting them, somewhere in your archive as well. I think someone should get extra points if they touch a dangerous animal in a toilet.

    I think a bigger komodo dragon would get rid of the other one in no time at all.

    … I’ve swallowed a fly … now I have to find a spider!

  10. planetross says:

    I think “haver” should be “have” … and I’ve used “I think” several times too many … times.


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