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Occupational Stereotypes – A Policy Of My Administration.

This sweep was so stereotypical they made a statue of him and stuck it on a chimney. Well done, sir.

 

A chimney sweep just came to do his thing at the spacious and luxurious El Rancho Omawarisan. He did his job efficiently, with absolutely no mess, and he was pleasant to deal with. 

He was a complete disappointment. 

I have pictures in my head of what people who do certain jobs look like.  It causes stress and mistrust when they don’t conform to those pictures. In my mind, and possibly in yours, a chimney sweep always wears a top hat and a coat with tails. I can forgo some things, like the Dick Van Dyke fake Cockney accent, but the top hat and tails are must haves. I would have gladly paid another $50 to have a guy working up on my roof top in a top hat. 

With that in mind, I am announcing the Occupational Wardrobe Stereotype Act (OWSA) as the latest policy of the upcoming Omawarisan administration. Under OWSA, people would be able to gain certification as being stereotypical in their work clothing choice. OWSA certified workers would have greater earning power than their non certified peers. 

Let’s discuss my chimney sweep further, since he is not here to defend himself. If he had his wardrobe certification, he would be able to display his certification in all his advertising. I’d know from that certification that he might be a little more expensive, but worth it. He’d be the first I’d call. If he worked for a company, his wage would be a little higher, but companies would seek him out because they’d know the appeal of the certification. As a  result of this act, my administration estimates that the increased commerce in the chimney sweep sector of our economy alone would total 25 million dollars. 

Chimney Sweeps would not be the only vocation eligible for stereotype certification. Some other examples are: 

Bakers – Bakers could get their certification by always wearing that poofy, sort of mushroom-shaped kind of chef’s hat. You know, like the Pillsbury Dough Boy wears. Science has proven that if the same person makes two loaves of bread using the same recipe, the one they baked with the poofy chef hat on will always taste better. 

This is the shiny thing I was talking about. I can't recommend this particular Doctor.

 

Doctors – I have never seen a doctor with one of those round shiny reflective things strapped to their head. It is, however, very stereotypical. A semi related note – nurses would not be eligible for OWSA certification. They work too hard as it is. They’d just get a raise. 

Auto Mechanics – The best auto mechanics all have  work shirts with an oval-shaped patch with their first name embroidered in it. Special bonus wages to mechanics who wear shirts with the names Buck or Marty, even if that is not their name. 

The Occupational Wardrobe Stereotype Act will put more money into the economy, more money into small businesses, more money into the pockets of working people. In addition, the necessary clothing will help the industries of haberdashers and tailors. That goes double for wardrobe certified haberdashers and tailors. 

I have finalized some of the wardrobe requirements,  my administration is open to your input on others. If you have questions or advice on particular job stereotype requirements, the public question and comment period on this act begins now. 

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26 Comments on “Occupational Stereotypes – A Policy Of My Administration.”

  1. pattypunker says:

    what would i need to where to become a certified neurotic, i mean writer?

    • omawarisan says:

      I think it depends on what you are writing. If you were to seek a career as a writer for a news organization a fedora with a little card in it that said press would be appropriate.

      For other neurotic writing activities, dress comfortably, so that you can go to the bar from writing. I’ll meet you there.

  2. shoutabyss says:

    I think the chimney sweep is required by the union to look like that!

  3. betty says:

    There is actually a chimney sweep service in our area where the “sweeper” does wear a top hat. It does, however, lose something when atop the head of someone with enough body art and hardware to rival Travis Barker.

  4. Hippie Cahier says:

    Ooh, ooh, ooh! (Mistah Kottah,Mistah Kottah!!)….this reminds me of one of my commuter challenges: Guess the Occupation. For most of the city part of the drive, as you might imagine, there are a lot of Suits. However, there are a number of very interesting fashion choices, and just yesterday morning, in one of the most prestigious, power-laden, Suit-thick sections of the city, I saw a woman walking in a short dress and go-go boots. Remember JoAnn Worley (sp?) from Laugh-In? She looked JUST like her. At 8 am-ish on a weekday.

    The outfit didn’t seem to fit, even as a walk-of-shame deal. I was delightfully fascinated!

    When Halloween falls on a weekday, I vary the challenge to “Costume or Pushing the Fashion Envelope?” If yesterday had been Halloween, she’d have had me fooled.

    Anyway…what were you saying?

    • omawarisan says:

      We’re you talking to me?

      I’ll trade you “Guess the Occupation” for my game, “what were you thinking?”.

      Oh God, did you just connect JoAnn Worley and the walk of shame? I am certain that violates the Geneva Convention. Pull over ma’am.

      • Hippie Cahier says:

        Hmmm…and that was my “nice” post. The one I rejected had Irving Azoff in a red cape with a flaming pitchfork.

        I will not dis JoAnn Worley.I will not dis JoAnn Worley. I will not dis JoAnn Worley. I will not dis JoAnn Worley. I will not dis JoAnn Worley. I will not dis JoAnn Worley. I will not . . .

  5. linlah says:

    I’m guessing plumbers without a crack don’t count because that’s really not a OWSA.

  6. KathiD says:

    I like auto mechanics to be named “Chuck.”

    • omawarisan says:

      I agree. I think that Chuck will be on the list of names to go on mechanics uniforms patches. If you’re not actually named Chuck and wear a Chuck shirt, I think you can get certified.

  7. planetross says:

    Morticians should have to carry measuring tapes with them.
    … and should be paid extra if their name is Mort.

    Psychiatrists should all have pocket watches too! … I don’t know why, but they should.

  8. wordofabe says:

    This is a great idea! But what if your town doesn’t have a haberdashery? Can you issue an edict through some sort of haberdashery czar that every town must allow, promote, and support their local haberdashery–perhaps a slight subsidy would help.

    • omawarisan says:

      That is why I’m announcing this policy now. The hat industry needs time to gear up . Chef’s hats don’t grow on trees. I’m hoping someone opens a Hatmazon on the web to make it easy on folks.

      • wordofabe says:

        As I am quickly going bald, I am very much in favor of this new policy. I think I will nominate myself for Town Haberdasher Czar of Power. (I’m adding the “of Power” bit because it makes it sound more imposing.)

  9. spencercourt says:

    > Special bonus wages to mechanics who wear shirts with
    > the names Buck or Marty

    This part may have to be regionalized. In the South, a mechanic should have a name along the lines of “Bubba.”

    Even in North Florida, we have fireplaces. Although I’ve never used mine in 20+ years.

    I checked the phone book and found chimney cleaners. Three listings.

    • omawarisan says:

      If you decide to get the chimney started again, hold out for the Top Hat.

      Bubba … yeah, I’d feel comfortable the car was fixed right by Bubba. Neurologist Bubba, not so much.

  10. Pie says:

    Corduroy jackets with leather patches on the elbows for male teachers.

    Peaked caps and suits with lots of buttons for chauffeurs.

    Donkey jackets for dustmen and road sweepers.

    Lumberjack shirts for…err… Lumberjacks.

    Checked shirts and tool belts for construction workers… that’s straying into Village People territory now, isn’t it?

    Now may be a good time for me to leave…

  11. omawarisan says:

    Oh chauffeurs must wear a jacket with two rows of buttons all the way to their shoulders.

    I think construction workers are safe with your wardrobe selection until they add the aviator sunglasses.

  12. I hired a clown for my niece’s b-day and lo and behold the clown did NOT have a red afro…shame, shame, shame.


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