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Sex And The City 2 – Spoiler Alert!

It has been inescapable on television news that the new Sex And The City movie is arriving in theaters. According to the reporters, everyone is excited about this development.

No reporter asked me. I would be a moderating influence on the “everyone is excited” story angle.

[picapp align=”left” wrap=”true” link=”term=sex+in+the+city+cast&iid=6374255″ src=”7/6/9/c/The_Cast_Sex_8508.jpg?adImageId=12997963&imageId=6374255″ width=”234″ height=”299″ /]I have never watched Sex And The City. I don’t see that changing. I know that doesn’t concern to the producers of this new movie. I’m not their demographic.

As a public service to those who, like me, are between being indifferent to this movie and sick of it before it even comes out, I am going to reveal the story of this latest film.

If you are planning on seeing this film, stop here and go see it, then come back. I don’t want to ruin it for you with my revelation of the story, which I’ve constructed based on television advertising, a lot of stuff I made up (since I have no idea what is in this movie) and clips of the movie shown on the news.

Alright, for the rest of us, here is the story.

There are four women who are the main characters. Their names are:

  • Matthew Broderick’s Wife
  • Thing On Her Face
  • Red Hair
  • Dark Hair

These four women are friends who drink a lot. No, really, a lot. They drink a lot, but only at bars where they can all sit on the same side of the table. I have never seen them portrayed in a drinking establishment where each of them has their own side of the table.

One day, the four friends were out drinking. Matthew Broderick’s Wife said “we should do a road trip”. Thing On Her Face, Red Hair and Dark Hair all said it was a good idea. Then Matthew Broderick’s Wife said “let’s go somewhere with a desert”. Thing On Her Face and the other two agreed to go. Deep down they wondered why this was a good idea since they were all menopausal and this could only make the hot flashes worse. Still, no one dared bring it up with Matthew Broderick’s Wife because she was the boss of the friends.

They planned the road trip to the Middle East, because let’s face it, what other part of the world is more amenable to  drunk, menopausal, sex addicted women traveling without bearded men? When the planning was done, some of them had sex with men. It doesn’t matter which men, they are incidental to the story.

Some shopping had to happen before the trip, but no one bought a burqa or even a head scarf. Matthew Broderick’s wife said designer clothes and shoes were the way to go. Thing On Her Face was down with this idea, but Red Hair and Dark Hair wondered why. Matthew Broderick’s wife told them it was that kind of thinking that caused them to have far less sex than she and Thing On Her Face had.

They boarded a plane and flew to the Middle East. They all sat together in the same row because it just felt so familiar and comfortable  for them to do that. It was a long flight and they had a lot of time to drink. They kept drinking until Thing On Her Face could no longer control herself. She followed an Air Marshall into the plane’s restroom and defiled him over the English Channel.

Thing On Her Face is kind of a hussy.

They landed and passed out in their hotel rooms. There might have had sex at some point, but it was incidental sex that didn’t advance the plot at all. In other words, Red Hair and Dark Hair scored.

Seriously, think about it.

The next day the friends went on a camel ride. None of the friends dared say anything about how the camels and Matthew Broderick’s Wife all had really long faces, but you could tell they were thinking it.

Dark Hair fell off her camel. This would normally be considered slapstick and not worthy of this film, but when you fall off a camel while wearing nice shoes, it becomes hilarious.

Is this your spouse? No? Maybe you should just back off then.

Then they went shopping in a bazaar. Matthew Broderick’s Wife was surprised to run into a guy that she had sex with back in The City.  I know the rest of us might find it a little unlikely that a person could travel to the other side of the earth and happen upon someone they’ve had sex with. The rest of us aren’t married to Ferris Bueller either, so maybe we should just know our places and keep quiet.  Anyhow, they had sex again. Their sex relates to the plot because Matthew Broderick’s Wife is the boss of the friends.

More shopping, drinking and Matthew Broderick’s Wife Sex ensue over the days that follow.

One night, in a bar, an attractive man approaches the table where the four friends are drinking. He says something. Thing On Her Face replies with words and a tone which subtly imply that she might be available for sex with the attractive man. They have sex and live happily ever after, until the flight back when a drunken Thing On Her Face seduces a male flight attendant somewhere over Greenland.

The movie ends back in The City where the women resume shopping and drinking, remarkably not sun or wind burned during their time in the desert.

I hope this story summary has helped those of you who don’t plan on going to see Sex In The City 2. With the knowledge you gained from reading this I believe you will be able to engage any Sex In The City fan in an extensive and meaningful discussion of the movie.

Or something like that.

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32 Comments on “Sex And The City 2 – Spoiler Alert!”

  1. betty says:

    I’m pretty sure your summary is more entertaining than the film itself.I’ve heard that in the movie, Liza Minelli covers the Beyonce Single Ladies song. Even more reason not to see the movie. Please don’t ever feature that in a future Cover of the Month post. I’m hoping that I never, ever have to hear that.

  2. linlah says:

    Everytime I see Matthew’s wife I turn the channel which in this case means I can’t read this post because my eyes will burn out of their sockets.

  3. frigginloon says:

    I have never ever watched an episode of Sex in the City because I become fixated with the wart on Sarah Jessica Parker’s chin 😦

  4. izaakmak says:

    I’ve never understood the appeal of a show who’s title includes the word “sex” but has no actual sex in it!?!? It’s so unfair to tease a man that way, and then deliver nothing but a chick with a thing on her face. What a flame-douser that is! 😕

  5. jasmandii says:

    This post was very entertaining! thanks for sharing I actually think the show is very well put- together and everyone can enjoy it in a different level – these for actresses are very talented and their chemistry on the screen is what makes the show interesting( they are so different, yet they connect)

    Anyways I really like this post – I laughed a lot! keep bring in it !

    Joan

  6. planetross says:

    It felt like I was watching a movie while reading this post. I’m going to download/steal all your “word movies” for free from now on. hee hee!

  7. queensgirl says:

    If we’re discussing celebrities who are camel-esque (perhaps an idea for your next post, Oma?), Prince always reminded me of one. Anyway, I’m almost as tired of hearing about the movie as I am of hearing about Justin Bieber (which is to say, very tired).

    • omawarisan says:

      And speaking of Prince, I just got home from working some overtime at a street festival in town. One of the acts tonight is Morris Day and The Time. If you were wondering dead or alive, Morris is apparently alive, but I didn’t stay to see the proof.

      Justin Bieber speaks so well of you, he wishes you’d reconsider

  8. HippieCahier says:

    “The movie ends back in The City where the women resume shopping and drinking, remarkably not sun or wind burned during their time in the desert.”

    Have they gained any weight from the menopausal drinking?
    Oh, and Queensgirl — I have thought that very same thing about Prince!!

    • omawarisan says:

      No weight gain. They are remarkably the same after the trip because they don’t eat any food! Well, unless you consider the bag of peanuts Thing On Her Face snagged after her romp in the galley with the Steward.

  9. Pauline says:

    I love “Sex and the City” the show, but this movie looks more painful to sit through than a root canal!

    Matthew Broderick’s wife and Company need to find better work!

  10. wordofabe says:

    Thank you for saving me $8.00 in movie tickets and $23.50 in an Extra-Large Popcorn (Only $1.00 more than a small) and a crick in my neck and a sore back. Now I can pretend that I saw it and talk like I did. Which I won’t. Which is your point entirely.

  11. Keli says:

    I have never watched an entire episode of Sex and the City, although my sister once forced me to catch about 6 minutes (it was nap inducing), so I really appreciate the run-down. But now I’m intrigued and might possibly watch the movie because your description is so amusing. Riding a camel in heels? Finding an ex while shopping for pomegranates and dates? (Note how my imagination ran wild with that one).

  12. pattypunker says:

    you forgot how dark hair fell off the camel and had real camel toe.

    i had a blast watching the movie with besties last night. i’m vacant like that.

    ps: you forgot to follow me back on twitter. i have tweeted you a couple times and finally realized you don’t follow me. if that was intentional, then suck it. ; )

    • omawarisan says:

      No no…I’m not Tweeter rude, I’m tweet impaired. I just recently got a phone I can do Twitter on but I havent gotten it running there yet. I’ll put things right. In this case, it is very true – “It’s not you, it’s me”.

      Doh…camel toe!

      So anyway, hope you enjoyed the movie…I was close, wasn’t I?

  13. pattypunker says:

    you saw it, didn’t you?

    • omawarisan says:

      Bam! Thank you ladies and gentlemen, I’m outta here! Thanks for coming, dont forget to tip your wait staff and bartenders. Drive carefully…Goodnight!

      Runs off stage with his hands up, leaving on a high note.

  14. Cate says:

    Great summary it should replace the actual movie. I used to like Sex and the City when it first came out years ago, but then, I saw the light.

  15. […] have already reviewed and revealed the story of another movie I had no intention to see. I’m pretty sure I was spot on that time, though I didn’t see the movie to confirm I […]


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