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Family Living, Where Babies Come From, The Daddy Cell, Sky Mall & Shoes

When I was in sixth grade, my parents signed a form that gave permission for me to take a special class. On the days the teachers taught that class they separated boys and girls into different rooms. The teachers taught us about our changing bodies and where babies come from.

The class was called “Family Living”, I think because that’s shorter than “Our Changing Bodies and Where Babies Come From.” During the babies portion of the class I learned that when a Daddy and Mommy really love one another, the Daddy gives the Mommy a cell to put with her egg. That cell and the egg make a baby.

I tried to find a cartoon to illustrate this on the net. Very disturbing. Copyright, me. Also disturbing.

The teacher did not take questions regarding the presentation of this cell by the Daddy to the Mommy. We did see a movie that contained a cartoon of The Daddy Cell swimming to find the egg. He had a big friendly smile and was swimming like crazy. Again, no explanation of where and why the cell was swimming, just that he was. As a result, the sixth grade end of the year pool party was a little awkward.

Put your hands down boys (or girls, if you’re reading this over in that room), there will be no questions. That class was a long time ago. I don’t spend much time thinking about The Daddy CellΒ  and The Egg anymore. Then, a recent flight and some time browsing the Sky Mall catalog brought the Daddy Cell back to the front of my consciousness.

The catalog had an extensive ad touting the benefits of some shoes. Shoes with spring-loaded soles and heels. An innovative, marketable idea. Here’s a photo of the shoe for your examination. That logo. Isn’t that The Daddy Cell? All the research and development money spent on this and no one noticed the logo looked like, well, you know?

I don’t know what The Daddy Cell has to do with the benefits of these shoes. I do know that I can’t imagine buying and wearing shoes knowing that is on the side of them. All the same, I see a future for that sort of logo in footwear marketing. I intend to be a part of that future.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am hiring a graphic artist to punch up my drawing of The Daddy Cell. When it is done, I am slapping it on my new line of footwear, Omawarisan’s Fertility Shoes.

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113 Comments on “Family Living, Where Babies Come From, The Daddy Cell, Sky Mall & Shoes”

  1. writerdood says:

    It is an unfortunate logo for a shoe. Rather amusing though.

  2. That is clearly a spermatozoon.

  3. Oh lordy lord. I can’t wait to hear what excuse they’re going to come up with for THAT!

  4. marcosal says:

    I would feel like i can fun faster…

  5. Raul says:

    So if you mix the shoe with women’s shoes does it make lil baby shoes?

    http://www.wutevs.wordpress.com

  6. maketing genious….let your feet guide you where your mind wants to go….for men on the go, who think with there other brain….

    Go daddy….

    Hope

  7. Vodka and Ground Beef says:

    I think men who are looking for women to procreate with should wear that shoe. That would tell us to either stay away, this guy is too serious, or go for it, this guy is serious. Great post.

    • omawarisan says:

      Sort of a commitment shoe. I like it! What the use of a fertility shoe without commitment. That has to be part of the marketing plan.

      Thanks and welcome!

      • sittingpugs says:

        Yes! A Commitment shoe. And imagine the possibilities if the graphic were added to ties, watches, sunglasses, smart phones, dress shoes, even sports jerseys. Women would have to look at the man’s hands for non-fraternity rings but also the clothing and other accessories for signs of “I’d like to leave behind descendants someday.”

        Daddy cell, tadpole, fleck of citrus pulp. They all look the same.

  8. Mike says:

    sperm shoes – brilliant.

    as far as the whole school “talk” i remember watching a similar lame video around that age and just laughing about it because i had already known the whole deal with baby making.

    Dont most young adolescent teens acquire their first porn by then?

    And also, the whole “birds and the bees” talk is a complete myth imo. Maybe its an italian thing but my father never sat down with me and explain the whole sitch.

    He basically just let me figure it out on my own,lol.

    • omawarisan says:

      Oh I’ve done the talk. Very weird. Very.

      My dad is italian too. My talk was one sentence…very effective, but one sentence. He’s the man for a reason

      Welcome sir!

  9. aschmid3 says:

    I saw that same ad on a flight in January. My husband and I had a big laugh about it. There’s no way NO ONE in that company saw the resemblance! I can’t imagine running with that plastered on my shoe.

  10. Andrew says:

    I remember that class. I remember “the Movie”. “The Movie” was the name for, well, the movie that we had to watch on puberty. It didn’t have a name. It was just “the Movie”.

    And those shoes are just hysterical!

    http://www.stuffyoushouldhate.com

  11. Skylar Hope says:

    Maybe its supposed to say ‘If you wear this shoe you’ll look SO AMAZING that women will give you lots of opportunities to spread your seed around”?

    Regardless the logo for the shoe is amusing.

  12. aspiranthistorian says:

    thats definately a fashion statement. i think there main demographic are people with foot fetishes haha

  13. Does it come with a cape and tights? You could be referred to as Captain Sperminator!

  14. Maybe it’s supposed to be a tadpole. Maybe this shoes hook is all about frogs and their incredible leaping abilities. Nah…It’s sperm. But why? IMO only a Tool would wear these shoes.

  15. queensgirl says:

    “As a result, the sixth grade end of the year pool party was a little awkward.”

    πŸ˜€

  16. vodkabeforenoon says:

    It gives you chi?

  17. Debbie says:

    It also looks like a tadpole. But I agree, it looks way too sperm-like for a shoe logo.
    πŸ™‚

    http://www.DorkyDeb.com

  18. Lulu says:

    hehe this is really fun to read! I like it:D
    perhaps the logo put there means that “Go, and run fast, who knows you bump into your wife-to-be” or “I need a cell.” hehe
    Not really a nice logo for shoes I’d say:-D

  19. Wow. Now THAT is an interesting logo.

    This post also reminded me that I failed as a teacher yesterday when a 9 year old asked me, “But HOW does the DNA make you a boy or a girl?” I couldn’t think of how to explain it without mentioning sex.

  20. shoutabyss says:

    Ah, my next pair of shoes. Damn this blog is informative! πŸ™‚

    Grats on being Freshly Pressed!

    Speaking of shoes, I spent $60 on a pair about 12 months ago. Due to my rigorous life of driving to work and sitting on my ass all day, the right shoe has completely blown out and is displaying my sock to the world.

    They way I look at it is like this: Shoes = $60. Duration = 12 months. Therefore my monthly shoe payment is $5 a month. I’m still not sure. Is that a good deal?

    I guess if – at the very least – my shoes had a nice little Daddy Cell – I could handle a payment like that. Apparently I’d have to add my own smiley face, though.

    • omawarisan says:

      I try to provide a public service, whatever that it.

      I think $5 a month is a good deal. When you get your next pair let me know and I’ll put a Daddy Cell Logo on them. Just leave them in the living room, there are keys to your house floating all over the place.

  21. Grimaud says:

    I saw the picture of the shoe before I had read that far and thought it was photoshopped. That made me laugh. When I read they were real, I almost sprayed my laptop with coffee. Unbelievable!

  22. shutterboo says:

    O, you’d think they’d run that past a focus group or something. Congrats on the WP Freshly Pressed, friend!

  23. Hilarious! Bringing that stuff to the surface, like promoting “do not let this planet run out of humans”. This kind of stuff just shake my head twice, I guess that they were thinking in reproduction while drawing this logo. Definetely!
    ~Fantastic post.
    ~Great Love to you,
    Mirian from peelingtheorange.

  24. elleica says:

    it was fun reading this post and the comments. Fortunately for me, I had a no nonsense talk about sex when I entered puberty. No ackward talks on that.

    As for the shoe, I believe they intentionally wanted to do that. Lol!

  25. sarahnsh says:

    Why didn’t I read the Sky Mall magazine the last time I flew? Which was like, 5 days ago from a trip to Vegas, I would have loved to see that shoe! And, it would have distracted me from having “Alvin and the Chipmunks: the Squeakquel” playing above my head.

    It was like a scene out of a horror movie, you’re stuck in a plane, no place to run, or hide, and they play “Alvin and the Chipmunks” and there was no way to escape… I’d rather stare at the sperm shoe for 2 hours, thankyouverymuch.

    • omawarisan says:

      Sky Mall is a can’t miss on any flight. I hope youve learned your lesson!

      Hate the Chipmunks! I think that would be enough to justify staying home.

  26. I doubt skymall is taking questions about how the Daddy cell got on that shoe either!

  27. pattypunker says:

    if apple made sneakers, these would be the iJizz.

  28. […] Family Living, Where Babies Come From, The Daddy Cell, Sky Mall & Shoes (via Blurt) Posted on June 9, 2010 by Keith Ainsley When I was in sixth grade, my parents signed a form that gave permission for me to take a special class. On the days the teachers taught that class they separated boys and girls into different rooms. The teachers taught us about our changing bodies and where babies come from. The class was called "Family Living", I think because that's shorter than "Our Changing Bodies and Where Babies Come From." During the babies portion of the class I learned … Read More […]

  29. You’re right! I think what they had in common is that both the marketing blurb about the shoes in the magazine and your Family Living class were both giant loads of BS!

  30. HippieCahier says:

    Any word on the celebrity spokesperson? The possibilities seem endless.

  31. Oh my. There is a whole line of them! The best part is the description:

    These incredible sport shoes are designed to improve your game using advanced Gravity Defyer technology… You’ve never played as hard as easy before. Intended for those who are looking for a harder work-out, the G-Defy will keep you on your feet longer than any other shoe… The primary shock absorber absorbs undesirable impact and propels you forward alleviating fatigue and energizing every step…

    Okay, now pretend you are a dirty-minded scoundrel like me and re-read it. These are obviously intended for those men who wear socks to bed and pop a little blue pill before jumping under the covers. πŸ˜‰

  32. brittanycgates says:

    I too think it looks awfully like a little sperm. And I too had the “changing bodies” class but I was in fourth grade instead of sixth and we weren’t separated by sexes.

  33. anwa says:

    When I was in 7th grade, we were forced to watch “The Miracle of Life”, also known as conception in real time. But our scarring-for-life had started somewhere back in 4th grade.
    I think I would buy those shoes just because of that logo πŸ˜‰ Your line should be a real hit.

  34. H.K. says:

    Ah yes…the segregated classes, and “The Movie” – brings back such memories! Dillworth Elementary’s big “yearly event” was called “6th Grade Maturation”. Each girl was required to bring their mother, and boys their Dad. [wonder what they did for those without the requisite parent?] In my day the film was shown on an actual Reel-to-reel machine, and was an animated special feature made by Disney [I’d love to find a copy of THAT!] which was kept under lock and key and dusted off ceremoniously each yr. for the event. I clearly remember a long blonde Cinderella-esque character excitedly explaining how to artfully notate our monthly calendars so that we could record our ‘advent into womanhood’. My BFF and I ran to the corner store afterwards and purchased little calendars and glitter pens, and then eagerly awaited the “exciting day” when we could “Start”!

    Reading directly from the Ad in question: “These incredible sport shoes are designed to improve your game using advanced Gravity Defyer technology.”

    Skymall’s lame attempt at “double entendre”!? he he – Buyers also have the option to choose another style that features a very large and very RED ‘Mr. Swimmy’. Ugh. Who’s buying these?

    • omawarisan says:

      Dilworth Elementary in Charlotte?

      See, now the diary thing is something I didn’t know about. I mean, I knew about the biological function, but I never knew there was record keeping involved.

  35. Betty says:

    After reading this post, I had to google around to learn more about the manufacturer and see if their website had any explanation for the logo. Found the manufacturer, but they offer no insight to the logo. Congrats on FP.

  36. spencercourt says:

    > I don’t know what The Daddy Cell has to do with the
    > benefits of these shoes.

    I believe the answer is elementary (as in 6th grade) πŸ˜‰ my dear Omawarisan….

    It is a fact that only the fastest and strongest of the millions of cells competing to be the singular Daddy cell can claim the honor. Therefore, any shoe bearing the Daddy cell insignia must confer upon those who wear it similar qualities of superiority.

  37. […] When I was in sixth grade, my parents signed a form that gave permission for me to take a special class. On the days the teachers taught that class they separated boys and girls into different rooms. The teachers taught us about our changing bodies and where babies come from. The class was called "Family Living", I think because that's shorter than "Our Changing Bodies and Where Babies Come From." During the babies portion of the class I learned … Read More […]

  38. shenanitims says:

    AH, the video. Ours was live action, though we all wished it had been animated.

    “Wow! You have hair down there?”

    Dealing with your changing body apparently means watching your older brother urinate, while asking questions about his junk. Leading to the quietest group of fifth graders ever.

  39. This just made me laugh so loudly!

    My oldest is 11 and is asking a bazillion questions these days, after the “human development unit” that was simply a TEASER for me to get my game face on for the “where did I come from…oh and my little brother too” tribunal. (And OTHER “what the hell is happening to my body” questions…)

    I’m fine answering the hard questions and using GOOGLE for the visual aides, but the questioning typically happens at the dinner table and my mother-in-law goes beet read while I’m explaining things.

    Hmmm…maybe it’s a refresher course for her too.

  40. pbandchutney says:

    ohmygoodness that’s hilarious… and quite disturbing. As soon as I see those shoes in real life, believe me when I say that a picture will be taken and sent to you πŸ™‚

  41. LuckyEye says:

    At least they ONLY teach our changing bodies now and not where babies come from.

    Whew.

    P.S. But this is in Gr 5

  42. I have to tell you that reading blog comments leads me into parts of my brain that I never knew were there.

    I think I was happier then.

    Why do we DO this? Does anybody really know?

  43. Kristina says:

    Congratulations on your WordPress promo!

    All I remember (or choose to remember) was the boys being shown one movie and the girls being shown another. At the end of the day, there was only one joke:

    How do you like your eggs? Ovaries-y.

  44. gregw89 says:

    This is funny. Who thought of this logo?

    • omawarisan says:

      Hi Greg! On the shoe, who knows. The happy sperm cell is my drawing, I did it on my laptop. I tried searching the net for happy sperm but the results were really disturbing.

  45. Mahfooz Hasan says:

    Brilliant article, thank you for making me laugh. Here in the UK, not all schools have “family living” lessons, certainly there was none in my school so its funny listening to other people’s stories regarding the topic.

  46. hearttypat says:

    LOL… this is hilarious!!!

  47. Mac says:

    Hehe, I wonder if that logo is something that Nike-logo would look in distorting mirror πŸ˜€

    anyways, since the Daddy-Cell can swim, maybe these are finally footwear that You can wear while swimming also? So during emergency landing etc You wouldnt have to take those off? Did You saw the add in a airport, course that would make sense πŸ˜€

    • omawarisan says:

      This actually plays into an idea I had while talking to someone about this. I am also putting the daddy cell logo on a line of swim wear for competative swimmers.

  48. sylviangirl says:

    I think the company who makes them has done it on purpose so they can all have a laugh and giggle at their little in-joke of making people walk around with The Daddy Cell on their shoes! πŸ˜€

  49. queensgirl says:

    Oma, your fame is growing! Maybe you can begin implementing some of your policies now.

  50. planetross says:

    That’s a tadpole vaulting shoe!

    They cost a wad of money I hear. hee hee! … errr nevermind.

  51. Pie says:

    The designers had a laugh. Then their senior bod attended a presentation and spouted horses**t, sprinkled with horrible management speak like “going forward.” The clients thought it was fabulous – result!

    I’m going to swim against the tide here and say that I think these shoes are designed for the daddy cells that are not strong swimmers.

  52. jammer5 says:

    New shoes and a chance to get preggers. Send me a pair . . . wait a minute, I’m a dude . . . never mind.

  53. sophia*kinkel says:

    hahaha. Though, i think this “logo” will be more fitting on a pair of speedos

    πŸ˜‰

  54. Songbird says:

    Hmm… what an interesting name… the Daddy Cell….lol!

  55. translstudio says:

    It looks they wanted to make something similar to Nike, or a copy of it. LOL

    Freelance Translation Studio
    Translation and Localization into CIS languages
    http://www.ft-studio.com
    http://twitter.com/ft_studio

  56. Tom says:

    For me, the Sky Mall catalog is definitely among the highlights of every (otherwise) mind-numbingly boring flight. The hilarity never ends. Mini-Sasquatch lawn sculptures, state-of-the-art nose-shrubbery trimmers, 8-foot Egyptianesque statues, this hideous mind cap thing that makes the poor model look like a Sci Fi warrior, and “spy” glasses that would not escape the detection of anyone… and the Gravity Defyer shoes.

    Aside from the ridiculously pitched (do they think we’re seven?) copy, the names of the shoe models are retarded — EG, the “Gabriel”.

    They now point to the logo with a blurb, something like “The Seed of Life logo — ultra hip!”

    At least they no longer show a picture of a warlock and attribute this life-changing technology to him. That was apparently too much, even for them.

    Needless to say… if you need a cheap laugh, pick up that catalog.


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