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My path into the music business

Musicians can move an individual soul or bring a throng of thousands to their feet. They do what they do with apparent ease, though we all know it is the result of endless practice. I have a lot of admiration for musicians. I think by admiration I mean jealousy.

A complete lack of talent and motivation have conspired to keep me from performing many concerts. To date, there is not a music video that features me. I’ve put some thought into this and have found ways to correct this, despite my lack of musical ability.

First, I have noticed that there are some songs where the singing stops and someone talks. This falls solidly within my skill set. I can certainly talk. I can even put some feeling behind it. As a reference to what I’m talking about, let me refer you to the old Boys II Men song, End of the Road. Take note of the guy with the cane.

I have to say that I think that I think the Cane Guy must be a great guy to hang out with. There is no other explanation why his buddies would be singing that hard and allow him in the band to just talk. Still, there he is, walking around looking cool. He sort of half-heartedly participates in the choruses. He doesn’t  do much until 2:37 into the song. Then the singing stops and he makes his little speech. After the speech the singing starts again. The Cane Guy’s work is done.

I researched and found out The Cane Guy isn’t in the band anymore. I can talk. Look for a CD from Boys II Old Man.

The other thing I think I can do to get myself into the music business is jumping. I can jump up in the air and land on my feet the majority of the time. Every rock concert I have ever been to has songs that end with one band member jumping up into the air, with the last note of the song ending when the jumper’s feet hit the ground. So if we add my jumping skills to my talking skills it becomes very clear what an asset I would be to any band.

I can easily imagine walking the stage while my band mates played. Perhaps I’d even buy a cane. I could interact with the audience near the stage while the rest of the band sang and played. Then, a few times during the concert, they’d play a quieter break down and I’d step up to the microphone and talk. Sometimes I’d do the same talk that I did on the original recording. Other times I would improvise and make up a little talk based on the song the band is playing. I’m pretty confident I could some up with a good speech for about any song.

The band would rock on after my talk, hold out that last note until I ran back on stage, leapt into the air and landed to cue them to stop.

I think this is going to be huge. Who needs skill? Yeah baby – Talk On!

Oh, and here is a special bonus cover song, Me First and The Gimme Gimmies version of End of the Road. Yes, I know it isn’t time for Cover Song of the Month. We’ll consider this one a gift. You’re welcome. Just make sure you stay with it long enough to get to the talking part in the middle.

Now…imagine me with my fists in the air.

I jump.

End.

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12 Comments on “My path into the music business”

  1. Pie says:

    I don’t like modern R&B in general, but Boyz II Men is a very guilty pleasure. I’ve never heard of Me First and The Gimme Gimmes, but I think they’ve put out a very credible version of End Of The Road.

    Talk and jump. Talk and jump. That’s how you’ll make your fortune, Oma. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself.

    • omawarisan says:

      The Gimme Gimmes only do punkish versions of pop songs. Love them.

      I’m pretty convinced talking and jumping will work for me. The Cane guy didn’t even jump.

  2. A video of you talking and simultaneously jumping would probably go viral in about 2 nanoseconds. And Justin Bieber would have a nervous breakdown and scream at his handlers demanding to know why they;ve been holding him back and haven’t let him explore that part of his creative genius just yet.

  3. wordofabe says:

    The whole “Talking guy with a cane” has been done. You need a better prop…like a walker. Yeah. Talking guy with a walker. And that will make the jumping finale even better. You got talent, bro.

  4. HippieCahier says:

    Can you do the variation on the jump where you land in that half split, with one leg in front, sitting on the other leg? The cane could help you up.

    And will you be wearing a fez? Inquiring minds, and the Justin Bieber Fan Moms Club, want to know.

    P.S. Where do you FIND this stuff?!?!

    • omawarisan says:

      No, all my jumps, by necessity, will be landed on my feet. I think eventually those splits would take a toll on speaking voice. I need to have a credible voice to say what needs to be said in the songs.

      I will not wear a Fez, but my band will do a cover of Steely Dan’s “The Fez”.

      PS – I forget.

  5. spencercourt says:

    I’m impressed you were able to sniff out that band with the hats the Shriners wear.

  6. […] If you’re looking for words, here are some old ones about how I will get into the music industry. […]

  7. AiXeLsyD13 says:

    The Migthty Mighty Bosstones have a guy that just dances around the stage… He’s like the ska version of a hype man (think Flava Flav). If you could add dancing and excitemenrt to your speech & jumping skills, you would crush it.

    I’ve often dreamed of starting a punk band that sings songs about working in an office and paying taxes… Mybe soon I could add parenting into the mix.


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