An Interview With NobusumaPosted: June 26, 2010
The coming of summer brings the return of interns to the spacious Blurt office suite. The staff looks forward to the arrival of the interns. It frees them up to do what they believe they were hired to do instead of things they consider less important, like going out to get me a meatball parmesan sub.
Some of the paid staff now have too much time on their hands. One made it past my receptionist and reminded me that I’d neglected the interview series recently. I was about to fire him, but then he mentioned he’d arranged for me to interview Nobusuma, a legendary creature. I thanked him for his dedication, then sent him out to have my car inspected.
Nobusuma is, as mentioned, from Japan. My net research says that Nobusuma is either a supernatural wall or a giant flying squirrel. We spoke via web cam, through an interpreter.
Omawarisan – Konnchiwa Nobusuma. I appreciate the opportunity to chat with you.
Nobusuma – Thank you Omawarisan. It means a lot to me that you greeted me in Japanese, so let me say this – it is nice to see y’all. Is that right? Y’all?
O – It is, Nobusuma. There really isn’t a lot of information out there about you. I suppose that means you value your privacy.
N – Well, sort of, yes. Overexposure tends to take away from the legendary part of being a legendary creature. Also, the world is sort of germy so I didn’t get out much for a while.
O – You’re a germophobe?
N – I prefer “attentive to hygene.”
O – Got you. Has hygene negatively affected your lifestyle.
N – Honestly, yes it did until the advent of hand sanitizer. Now I’m back out there doing my thing.
O – Being a supernatural wall isn’t something a lot of folks aspire to. Are there benefits to being a supernatural wall that my readers might not think of?
N – There are. I pick up a lot of extra cash on the side doing espionage work. I do international as well as industrial spying. You know how a lot of people say they wish they had a fly on the wall in a meeting that they can’t attend? For a fee, those people can have the whole wall, and I’m more articulate than most flies.
O – That is a unique service. Are you currently spying on anyone we’d know?
N – Yes, Tony Heyward from BP. I don’t know why he is so eager to get his life back, he’s got the equipment of a squirrel – not a giant squirrel, if you know what I’m saying.
O – Ineffective in business and in taking care of business. Got ya. So, the part of your life as a Giant Flying Squirrel. Tell me about that.
N – That is sort of a side line I picked up. I mostly use it to help out my roommate when he gets himself in a pinch.
O – You have a roommate? Please tell me he isn’t a moose. (laughing)
N – First off, yes, a roommate. Real estate prices over here are just incredible. And yes he is a moose. Spare me the Bullwinkle jokes. He is a bright guy, he does research in virology.
O – You’re a germophobe living with a virologist?
N – I uhhh…I really hadn’t thought of that. I’m feeling kind of skeeved out right now.
O – Let’s change the subject. The one picture I was able to find of you doesn’t give a perspective on how big Giant Flying Squirrel is. How big are you?
N – Well, bigger than Tony Heyward, I can tell you that much. They don’t call me the Deepwater Horizon for nothing.
o – Too much information, Nobusuma. I was speaking of overall size.
N – Oh, I’m sorry. I am about 9 feet 7 inches tall and I’m about 5 feet across when I spread out to fly.
O – Wow, I pity whoever you land on. well, I’ll wrap it up here. Any closing thoughts from your end?
N – May I tell another joke about Tony Heyward’s tiny junk?
O – No, I don’t run that kind of site.
N – Fine, good to talk to you O.
O – Thanks for being open to doing it. Bye bye.
N – (calling out while I’m disconnecting) You’d think a guy with tiny stuff like Heyward would feel more empathy toward shrimp.
I’m going to make an effort to not neglect the interviews in the future. Ideally, those interviews will be with legendary creatures who are less bent on spreading scurrilous rumors about individuals who care so deeply for the environment.