My Independence Day Celebration: Heaping Derision On A One Armed ManPosted: July 4, 2010
I this morning I am at the beach. It is quiet. It is Independence Day here in the US, so festivities will be starting soon. It wont be quiet for long. What could disturb this happy scene for me?
This headline on CNN.com – NY man blows off arm with firecrackers.
Dude, seriously, every year I have to watch those Consumer Product Safety Commission videos on TV. Every year I see them and think to myself – “alright, I get it, don’t hold explosives. Fireworks are dangerous. We all get it, please stop blowing up watermelons.” Well, Eric Smith of Islip Terrace, New York, apparently we don’t ALL get it do we?
How many watermelons must be blown to bits, sacrificing themselves to make the point that what you were doing was not a good idea? Oh sure, you get it now. No one has to tell you, not now that you’ve made yourself the poster child for fireworks safety. Do you know what you’ve done? You’ve assured the demise of more watermelons for years to come. Yes, you’ve convinced me and a lot of other people that there are still mouth breathers like you who need to see this…year, after year, after year:
Watermelons and mannequins. They tried to tell you, but you were too proud to listen, weren’t you Sparky? Eric, One of the things we respect in this country is sacrifice. Those melons and plastic people sacrificed for the common good, just like our forefathers who started this nation back in 1776. Sure the melons and mannequins lacked the eloquence of Jefferson and the wisdom of Franklin, but the common denominator is that they sacrificed for you.
So there you are, spending the holiday in the hospital. Maybe you’ll have a merciful nurse who will think to make sure that your TV is not left on CNN, because you know they will be showing the mannequin videos all day and talking about you too. But because of you, a year from now, do you know what you and I will be seeing over and over again? This –
Happy fourth to my friends here in the states. Be safe.