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Oh, So That’s What The Kids Are Calling It Nowadays

Airbrushed Yoda

Bounty paper towels

Nailing someone in the back with a single roll is very satisfying (Image by Barkdog via Flickr)

I go to great lengths to manage the ways and times that I embarrass my son.

I deliver my embarrassment by subtle means:

  • text messages at inappropriate times
  • talking to strangers
  • starting impromptu dodge ball games in supermarket paper towel sections

We were at the Omawari-son’s university orientation this week. I saw a man who was in a parallel orientation session who made me feel very good about my methods. He wore a white t-shirt with an airbrushed picture of Yoda from Star Wars and what must have, to him, been a witty quote from the movie.

Yoda shirt guy, if you read this, I will be holding a paper towel dodgeball seminar next week. Change your shirt and be there. Do it for your kid.

Hey, Is That A New Ball Cap?

When people wear a new ball cap and leave the price tag and size sticker on it, am I supposed to say something to them about it? Maybe something like “hey, is that a new ball cap?”

Perhaps I should go with “your hat size is 6 3/4? Is that a genetic problem? I’ve seen limes bigger than your head. ”

Oh, So That’s What The Kids Are Calling It Nowadays

Chinchilla or incognito pikachu?

I was watching Iron Chef America last night. I really miss the cool Japanese version where the secret ingredient is usually something like chinchilla or old growth timber.

As the time for presenting dishes approached, the announcer referred to “shaving cheese on the chef’s gnocchi”.

Sometimes you have to work to make something sound dirty. Other times it comes naturally.

Stop that, you’ll go blind.

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142 Comments on “Oh, So That’s What The Kids Are Calling It Nowadays”

  1. blackwatertown says:

    OOh – right in the gnocchi. Painful.

  2. realtorjenn says:

    Other thoughts/blurts that have occurred to me as an embarrassing parent:
    “Pull your pants up” (and the related; “how can you walk with your pants down there?”
    “Do you know what’s IN that energy drink?!!”
    “Why on Earth do you have a tattoo THERE??”
    Sometimes these are thoughts out loud.
    See you at the grocery store!

  3. Todd Pack says:

    I used to enjoy embarrassing my daughter on purpose (pretending to trip over a curb would usually do it), but she’s finally old enough (10)that all I have to do to embarrass her now is stand anywhere near her or speak to her in public.

  4. With size stickers, I like to pretend I’m an amazing personal shopper: “So you look like a size 6, right?” Hilarious post!

  5. I suppose, if children are going to do silly stuff, then they should be prepared to have silly questions/directions asked: “Pull your pants up!” πŸ˜‰

    With Love and Gratitude,

    The Intentional Sage

  6. planetross says:

    I sometimes wish I had kids to embarrass, but then I realize that I can embarrass kids everywhere … who aren’t mine. … and I feel somehow comforted by the thought.

  7. I’m all about embarrassing my kid. She’s only 11 months now so we are still hilarious, but my boyfriend and I have stock piled enough video, photos, and stories to be worth at least 4 years of embarrassment.

  8. thecodger says:

    Perhaps that young person you saw was trying to emulate Minnie Pearl. She had a tendency to wear her hat with the price tag still on it.

    The Codger
    http://thecodger.wordpress.com/

  9. William says:

    I think the hat-sticker comes about for a few reasons… mainly stemming from New Era products and their imitators.

    Leaving the stickers on does a couple of things. Firstly it makes it clear that the hat is not a fake; I’m not sure why anyone would care, but there you have it. Then there’s the “new hat” aspect. Leaving the tags on makes it look new and relatively unworn, making it clear the wearer has money to spend on new gear. Again, I don’t really see it, but there you have it. I’ve even seen people leaving the tags on their clothes for the “just bought this” statement.

    Very odd.

    Whenever I get a hat the first thing I do is check it does fit and I didn’t just imagine it by wearing it a while in the house… if it fits, the second thing I do is remove all the labels. I’m young enough to be caught in the stickers-left-on craze, I just think it looks really bad; and yes, I do tell people that. :p

    Nice post, when I’m blessed with kids of my own I’ll be the sort to subtly embarrass them too.

    • omawarisan says:

      Welcome William and thank you!

      I guess I get that they’re trying to give a message, its just a shame that that’s the part of them they value people valuing about them.

      Ok, that was awkwardly expressed, but there you are.

  10. iomoo says:

    bahahaha i love your writing!
    the imprompt dodgeball fight section got me giggling, i must admit. XD

    sara

  11. I like to embarrass my mum, I have completely turned the tables..

  12. Pammy Girl says:

    My friend’s dag used to pull his pants up to his armpits and bowl with oranges when we all went to the grocery store. That wasn’t embarrassing at all, especially when you’re 15 and have a crush on one of the stock boys.

    • omawarisan says:

      Welcome Pammy. Yeah, I am thinking that would have had me thinking twice about knocking on that girls door when I was 15.

      Of course thats exactly why he was doing it!

  13. Abe's Blog says:

    My preferred embarassment technique is to blast some 80’s breakdance music while driving slowly through town with my seat back and my head barely high enough to see over the steering wheel. Worked great on my son.

  14. Vodka and Ground Beef says:

    Chinchilla as the secret ingredient!!! Hi larious. I love when they toss in the most random things. One of my all-time favorite was “gumballs.”

    • omawarisan says:

      Gumballs! I’d kill to see that one. Well, maybe not kill. Menace perhaps.

      The Chairman on the Japanese show was better too. He had just the right amount of over the top.

  15. queensgirl says:

    I have never been witness to the hat sticker phenomenon, but twice in the last week I’ve seen women carrying handbags that still bore their tags.

  16. I think just about anything I did would embarrass my 12-year-old. If you were to start a paper towel dodgeball game with her, you would be the coolest adult on the planet. If I were to, I’d be driving her to the nearest emergency room to get her eyeballs surgically removed from the underside of her brain.

    Great blog! Off to read some more (the axe murderer post has piqued my interest).

  17. mnm112005 says:

    My parents never really tried to embarrass me when I was younger or even now. Maybe that’s because I have one of those senses of humor where everything they did was just funny to me. Plus, I always had the cool parents of my group! πŸ™‚

    Great post!

  18. tropshi says:

    At first I was a bit confused, and then I could’t stop laughing. πŸ™‚ Have a nice weekend!

  19. pattypunker says:

    my gnocchi brings all the boys to the yard…

  20. Sharon says:

    Nice post. You seem like a cool dad. One that if we met we’d hang out, but if I was your kid, I don’t know if I would speak to you in public!

  21. Olivia says:

    Nice post.. made an interesting read, plus the fact that its not fiction…
    Congratulations..

  22. I miss the original Iron Chef too – when he ate the pepper and the moderator would yell what I think was “haute cuisine”. And the dude would tell us what was in each dish but before he started in with ingredients he always shouted ‘cuisson’. Come on – classic stuff.
    As for embarrassing the kiddos – I look forward to doing this to my little ones. They’re too young right now but I’m building an extensive photo collection and ideas notebook.

    • omawarisan says:

      That was unquestionable the best cooking show. I don’t think I saw five dishes I would have eaten, but I loved that show.

      If you ever see the one with chicken as the ingredient dont miss the way The Chairman reveals it.

  23. Ms. J says:

    I work at a school and constantly see parents embarrassing their children.
    Try being the kid picked up by your mom in the robe and rollers πŸ™‚

  24. minaohh95 says:

    AHAhhaha!!
    I like this post because I get to figure some things out about my parents. It’s too bad I can’t really get back at them without getting in trouble πŸ˜›

    I love the fact that I’m deffinitly not the only teen out there who has off-the-wall parents. I think it’s fun sometimes, but by the time i get to enjoy the moment it’s a day later. I much rather a embrassing parent than a boring on because sometimes ( depending on the degree of how embrassing my parent is) it can make them really cool.

    Please don’t tell your kids that because it probally only applies to a very small population of kids…ahah

    • omawarisan says:

      Hi Mina and welcome.

      If you see it that clearly I have a lot of faith in the way your folks are going about their business. You’ll get your chance to even the score, just do it with the love they do it to you with!

  25. Brooke says:

    O – you are on a fricking freshly pressed roll, my friend! Congrats to you and your awesome brainwaves.

  26. gmomj says:

    I have embaressed my kids too many times to count, and they me as well like the time I was stopped for speeding and my young child called to the police officer,

    “Does your mother know your touching the gun????”

    or when same child saw some purple haired nose ringed kids and asked them if they lived in the zoo.

    I managed to embaress the hell out them by learning their songs and purposefully singing them in front of their friends. Surefire way to never ever hear the song again.

    “You put your hand upon my hip, and I dip, You Dip We dip…and we get down low and roll and grind”

    I’m embaressing myself.

    “Can’t see my, can’t see my, no you can’t see my Gnocchi face!!!”

  27. Anna says:

    What you do to embarrass your son is NOTHING.
    Sometimes, when I am out and about with my dad, he pinches his nose with his fore-finger and thumb, blows really hard, and pulls away a long string of slimy, oozing snot.
    Then he drops that onto the pavement.
    …And laughs.
    Embarrassment for you right there.

    • omawarisan says:

      Hi Anna.

      You are right, he has me with that one.

      In the event you ever see me walking down the street and introduce me to your dad, please remind me of your visit here so i don’t shake his hand!

  28. HippieCahier says:

    A little impromptu Macarena or Electric Slide, especially in the grocery store, used to do the trick. Once they were horrified when I started headbanging and singing along to AC/DC while driving. Then upon further consideration, they were pretty fascinated that Mom was a metal-head.

    Now they need money. They’ll put up with anything, so it’s not as much fun. Congratulations AGAIN on the Freshly Pressed!

    • omawarisan says:

      Ahh, I like your style.

      Isn’t it amazing when they know a band has been around forever, but you couldn’t possibly be cool enough to have seen them?

      Thank you again!

  29. Ana Powell says:

    Great post, very funny.
    A few years ago we used to have a bit of a troble with our son`s loud music, specially if we wanted to watch a film.
    So, one day I thought “What will happen if I just open the front door and start dancing outside so the neighbours can see me?”
    So, I did it and my son stopped playing his loud music in the evenings and we could peacefully and happily watch our films.
    Happy family β™₯

  30. Kate says:

    I stumbled onto your blog, this is my first time here. I love it.

  31. So, you parents are doing in it on purpose! That explains a thing or two…

    • omawarisan says:

      Hi Michael, welcome!

      Yes, many of us are doing it by design. If you’ve ever thought it was possible they were doing it on purpose, they were.

      The guy with the Yoda shirt and ones like him are examples of people not doing it on purpose. They are the result of parents who don’t do things like spontaneous dances in stores.

      If you love your parents, remember to embarass their grandchildren.

  32. inloveandbitter says:

    I will never eat gnocchi without thinking that it comes somewhere from the body of a man! LOL. Very funny. And the “stuff” about the ice cream truck playing Christmas music, has made me laugh more today than I have in a long time! Thank you.

    • omawarisan says:

      Welcome and thank you!

      In case you were wondering, it was “It came upon a midnight clear” going up the street. Someone was in a holiday mood and bought ice cream, the song changed to “God rest ye merry gentlemen” when the truck came back past the house.

      Weird.

      Thanks for letting me know. I often wonder if anyone sees that box.

  33. sarahnsh says:

    I love how my Mom embarrasses me by screaming loudly when I go clothes shopping:

    “Look for an X-large, I said an X-large! Do you see any X-larges around?”

    While I mumble, “Mom, I know my size, shut up…”

    Oh, and Iron Chef is the stuff. I used to watch the original version and loooved it because of the super weird ingredients. Did you notice how the Iron Chef never, ever seemed to lose on the original show? I think I caught once where 1 lost, but I might have imagined it.

    • omawarisan says:

      The only time I think I ever saw the Iron Chef lose, it was the one that specialized in Italian food.

      I always liked the little thing where the chefs would rise out of the floor in front of their portraits, with all the smoke and music. I’d like to be able to arrive at my morning meetings like that.

  34. fuzzypuddles says:

    I don’t have kids, but hopefully paper towel dodge ball will embarrass my girlfriend, or at least start a fun paper towel war in the middle of the store.

  35. As a college student, its nice to know my parents aren’t the only ones making concerted efforts to embarrass the hell out of me… as if I don’t do enough of that for myself when they’re not around.

    Also nice to know my parents aren’t the only ones with brains hard-wired for the “Thats What She Said.”

    • omawarisan says:

      Hi W!

      Your parents are up to “thats what she said”? That is advanced technique. You have been raised by people who are skilled artisans. Watch and learn.

  36. imalookin says:

    I’ve always wondered if the folks walking around with the tags on their baseball caps were doing that on purpose because to them it’s a “fashion statement”, or if it is really just an accident? Anyone know for sure? TIA! & ~~God bless!~~

  37. kelliejwin says:

    It’s a parents right to embarrass their children – pay back for dirty diapers, sleepless nights, whining, and fighting with sibligns… LOL!!

    • omawarisan says:

      Oh I’ve got plans for my son to pay him back for the diapers, sleepness nights and m&ms ground into my back seat. I have not yet begun to fight πŸ˜‰

  38. Brittany says:

    I’m young, but I’m often told that when I have kids, I’ll be a quirky and embarrassing mother just like my own. My mom would go around flirting with young boys, jokingly calling herself my sister. Jeeze, those were some embarrassing times.

  39. Tom Baker says:

    Great post. Iron Chef can be seen on the cooking channel now.

    • omawarisan says:

      Welcome Tom. Please tell me you’re talking about the Japanese one, because I will switch immediately to whatever system I need to have to see that again.

  40. deannalhm says:

    My husband and I have a great time playing around and embarrassing our 14 year old son! Our son has great sarcastic sense of humor that he comes by honestly…now we’re at the stage where he can dish it right back and it makes for some great fun! We are always trying to one up each other and it keeps life exciting and hilarious! πŸ™‚

  41. Delorfinde says:

    My Dad likes to embarass me by singing opera in the car when my friends are there … it is most humiliating.

    But then, I get him back by doing Irish Dancing high kicks so high that they almost hit him in the face … in public. It’s fun πŸ™‚

  42. My son is only 18 months old so I’ve yet to embarrass him. But I’ll be looking forward to those days. Really cute and funny post. You sound like a fun dad! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

    • omawarisan says:

      Hi…and welcome!

      Thanks very much.

      You are in for such a treat. My son is 18 years old. I can tell you the adventure will change, but it will stay an adventure. You’ve no idea how fortunate you will be over the years.

  43. livewriter2000 says:

    I love to embarrass my daughter by singing Fly on the Wall. She really hates when I play rock band and pump that song as loud as I can. πŸ™‚

  44. rhondabelle says:

    My son is only 2 months old… but I can’t WAIT for him to be old enough for me to embarrass!!

    • omawarisan says:

      Rhonda, it is your right and duty to do so. He is 2 months old, so he has peed on you, or tried. That is all the justification you need!

      The fun you’re having now just gets better, trust me!

  45. Girree says:

    Interesting, amusing site.
    Girree

  46. […] Airbrushed Yoda I go to great lengths to manage the ways and times that I embarrass my son. I deliver my embarrassment by subtle means: text messages at inappropriate times talking to strangers starting impromptu dodge ball games in supermarket paper towel sections We were at the Omaw … Read More […]

  47. kyur21 says:

    Lol! Reading this made me think of a moment I had in class with my 6th graders. I was humming an old Briney Speares song (i know, hit ME baby, 1 more time) and they all just looked at me as if i was crazy. Then it dawned on me – these twerps were born the year Britney made a her debut! Britney is to 6th graders what David Bowie is to 20-somethings!

    Okay, okay, so my comment has nothing to do with the price of eggs but i needed to write something so…
    don’t judge me
    πŸ™‚

    • omawarisan says:

      Welcome! I’m glad you wrote something. Anyone who can reference Bowie is always welcome here!

      Bring your eggs by anytime.

      Well, there’s something I’ve never said to anyone before.

  48. I guess the ball cap thing is worldwide. Even here in the Philippines, I see people wearing those caps the same way you have described it.

  49. niconica says:

    Lol. πŸ™‚ Enjoyable post!

    Cheers, Niconica
    http://niconica.wordpress.com

  50. tangyorangesour says:

    “Stop that, you’ll go blind.” — haha.. it took me a sec to understand what it meant.. lol..

    man one funny post!

  51. Justin says:

    Hey, thanks for linking to my page. It’s funny how your caption mentions chinchillas looking like Pikachu because I have 2 chinchillas and when my brother comes over he is always talking about dying them yellow. Funny post. Take care.

  52. sayitinasong says:

    lol… very funny and clever- and poor chinchilla…looks petrified at the prospect of Iron Chef….

  53. Jill says:

    Oh, that is funny. My kids are at the age where they still adore me and think I’m super mom, but I can tell it’s not going to last too much longer. Now, I have some really helpful tips to ease myself into the older years. I love the tripping thing, and the dodge ball with Bounty, Marco Polo, It’s all good stuff! I hear kissing them in public is always considered a national incident.
    Great Blog!

  54. You are so funny. When I saw my grandson wearing a new ball cap at home with the tag still attached, I thought he had just bought it. Thanks for clearing that up for me. ha ha

  55. poet500 says:

    I am new to posting – and my kids are grown – but all five of them said at times they ignored me as mom -laughter is such a great thing – and you sure have the knack for it – great post – (my kids dad died early when they were young) but it sure would have been great if he had your humor – or me too. Humor is like a diamond
    that turns sand to gold
    children reap the treasure when parents
    this gift unfolds.

  56. Hahaha! My husband fart in the store and blames the kids.

  57. Pie says:

    This makes me wish I was a parent! I would’ve had great fun embarrassing the kids, watching them shrink like a salted snail. My friends have some, so maybe I should try it on them. I know my friends would be grateful.

  58. Great post! My daughter is emabrrassed by so many things I do, I’ve lost count: I forget her friends’ names, I tell waiters in restaurants that menu items are spelled incorrectly, I use the word “panties” instead of “underwear,” I use other antiquated or inappropriate words. The list is endless. I tell her that of I’m embarrassing her, I’m doing my job well.

  59. Nicole says:

    And here I was thinking my parents were embarrassing. After reading this post, I told my my mom to try harder.

    She said she would.

    I’m so excited.

    Nice post, by the way.

  60. Ahhh, I’m so happy to know that I’m not the only one that takes great pleasure teasing my (now 11 year old) son.

    I used to teach high school and I would see a student with a “tag” still attached to their shirt and I’d approach then with scissors offering to cut the tags off for them… they would be horrified. Initially, I think the fad started because people wanted to show that the ehirt was new… now I think they do it because they are a slave to fashion.

    When questioned about what is wrong with their fashion… I would point out the pants hanging down past their ass… and the hassles it is to walk around like that. I would tell my students on a regular basis “Fashion shouldn’t be painful!”

    • omawarisan says:

      Isn’t it amazing that we’d have been horrified to show up anywhere and find a tag somewhere on our clothes?

      Wait, I’m betting we’re both still like that.

      Welcome here!

  61. The Perfectly Imperfect One says:

    My mom does this kind of thing, mostly talking to strangers and embarrassing the crap out of me. It makes me sad that she is not embarrassed by her own actions. Sometimes I find it funny, but others I think “how can I be related to this insane woman?” Though I am not a mother, I am 27 years old and I plan to embarrass the crap out of her…mainly by using your method of paper towel wars lol

  62. milkstained says:

    We are right on the brink of being able to bring massive amounts of embarrassment to the kids. i don’t want to do it too soon – no, I have to lie in wait for *just* the right moment.

  63. SavvY says:

    Well is it some kinda Secret Alliance of Parents For Embarrassing Teens or what! My first time here and its lovely. My parents used to embarrass me a lot, though i loved those things. .

  64. tmcgo510 says:

    Hahaha, good post! Keep embarrasing the children!


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