Simon Bolivar: Still DeadPosted: July 17, 2010
This morning brings the news that the remains of South American revolutionary Simon Bolivar have been exhumed in Venezuela. President Hugo Chavez ordered this action to help determine if Bolivar was murdered.
Look, Here’s The Thing…
According to the news report, most historians (the people we pay to keep track of such things) say that Bolivar died from tuberculosis. Tuberculosis and murder are two different things.
Murder is one of those things where the people who find the deceased usually say something along the lines of “oh man, look at that, someone killed him.”
There are little hints that make people say that. Typically those hints are things that look out of place. A good example of that would be, for instance, an arm being across the room from where the rest of the person is. An extra hole in the person’s body is another hint, as are any of a number of fluids no longer being contained within the body.
Tuberculosis is different than murder. Tuberculosis is Simon going to the doctor and saying “I’ve got this cough”. A couple days later the doctor gets in touch with Simon and says “man, here’s the thing…”.
As Simon goes on, he lets people know he is sick. One day he wakes up dead. Absent some of the hints mentioned in the murder discussion, people reasonably conclude tuberculosis killed him because that is tuberculosis’ job.
If You Can See All My Bones…
CNN goes on to report that Venezuelan State Television showed scientists uncovering a skeleton and Chavez saying “Bolivar is alive. Let us not see him as a dead man and let us not see him as a skeleton.”
Bolivar is a skeleton. ’nuff said.
I am no math whiz, but I have come up with a simple formula for using a person’s bones to determine if they are dead. Here is the formula:
In this formula b equals the number of a person’s bones you can see exposed to the air. The number represented by p is the percent chance that the person is dead. Let us now apply our formula to Simon, shall we?
Simon, being a person of no small importance, was likely put to rest in a secure manner and was intact when they boxed him up. So let us assume that all 206 of his bones were on the table. Scientists using my formula would quickly determine there was a significant chance he was dead.
206 bones=206% chance Simon is dead
If you can see one of my bones, I am likely very uncomfortable. If you see all of them, I am dead. Simon is not uncomfortable.
Hugo, I’m sorry man…
Sometimes, no matter how badly you want something it just can’t come true. There are a lot of people I’d like to have back too, but it doesn’t work that way…and none of mine have been gone as long as yours.
Mr. Bolivar is gone. It is a mathematical fact. He wasn’t murdered, unless someone just got a big handful of tuberculosis and threw it on him. Even if he was murdered, where do you go from there? Let it go.
Hugo, I’m sorry man, someone had to tell you.
Hey, have you read any of Kubler-Ross’ work?