At The Supermarket: Kim Jong Il doesn’t play TwisterPosted: July 20, 2010
This week’s trip to the supermarket was a gold mine. Let’s see what I was able to find on this trip.
I am digging this concept.
Is it a sandwich roll with pretzel like qualities? A pretzel shaped like a roll? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter to me. I love pretzels. I would eat anything* that was in a pretzel roll.
Someone very wise once told me that some good things are not meant to go together, like Chinese food and cheese. This does not apply here. Pretzel rolls are meant to be.
Thank you, supermarket baker lady. Love you, hairnet and all.
* I reserve the right to limit the meaning of anything to anything that : was a mammal (but not a primate) or is from a plant, is not mayonnaise, did not have eyes on stalks, and anything else I decide on a whim.
I have missed so many opportunities to play Twister.
I’ve got people near by. I’ve got a flat surface for people to play on. I don’t have a spinner. I can yell right hand red and left foot yellow at people all day. Without the legitimacy of a Twister spinner to prove that is really what they should be doing they’re not likely to comply.
At the grocery store this week, I saw the answer to my problem. They were selling a keychain Twister spinner. Portable legitimacy for impromptu games of Twister. With this in hand, I can enforce my Twister calls with the confidence of knowing I have a spinner to back me up should anyone dare to question me.
Kim Jong Il may or may not have the bomb, but he doesn’t have a Twister spinner.
I’ll leave it to you to decide which of us has the true implement of legitimate power at hand.
Carrie Underwood gets married.
No trip to the supermarket is complete without learning the news on people I don’t care about from the covers of the gossip magazines. This week’s news is that singer Carrie Underwood got married.
A strange coincidence is that this blessed event occurred during the only week since the late 1940’s that Angelina Jolie has not been staring at me from the cover of all these magazines simultaneously, accused of having an affair, having a vacation, having a tantrum, saving the world, being in therapy or having another child. Ms. Jolie apparently spits out children like she was a Pez.
Ms. Jolie took this week off from all her activities, including childbirth. That left the magazines with nothing to feature on the cover except that Ms. Underwood had her dog at her wedding wearing a pink tuxedo. There was no explanation why Ms. Jolie was inactive this week. Perhaps she had herself frozen.
I’m not going to judge Ms. Underwood.
Yes I am.
Ms. Underwood, for what you spent on that dog tux, Angelina Jolie could have flown to the Gulf of Mexico and drilled 4 relief wells using only the force of her will. Shame on you.
The Shopping Cart Ride
I had a great shopping cart, with wheels that rolled straight. I got a good running start and was rolling down hill. Then this clown started backing out without looking. Damn.