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At The Supermarket: Kim Jong Il doesn’t play Twister

This week’s trip to the supermarket was a gold mine. Let’s see what I was able to find on this trip. 

Pretzel Rolls

None for me, thanks

 

 I am digging this concept.  

Is it a sandwich roll with pretzel like qualities? A pretzel shaped like a roll? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter to me. I love pretzels. I would eat anything* that was in a pretzel roll.  

Someone very wise once told me that some good things are not meant to go together, like Chinese food and cheese. This does not apply here. Pretzel rolls are meant to be.  

Thank you, supermarket baker lady. Love you, hairnet and all.  

* I reserve the right to limit the meaning of anything to anything that : was a mammal (but not a primate) or is from a plant, is not mayonnaise, did not have eyes on stalks, and anything else I decide on a whim.  

Twister Keychain

The answer to all my problems

 

I have missed so many opportunities to play Twister.  

I’ve got people near by. I’ve got a flat surface for people to play on. I don’t have a spinner. I can yell right hand red and left foot yellow at people all day. Without the legitimacy of a Twister spinner to prove that is really what they should be doing they’re not likely to comply.  

Yo glorious leader, I said right hand yellow, not up. You are so not good at this.

 

At the grocery store this week, I saw the answer to my problem. They were selling a keychain Twister spinner. Portable legitimacy for impromptu games of Twister. With this in hand, I can enforce my Twister calls with the confidence of knowing I have a spinner to back me up should anyone dare to question me.  

Kim Jong Il may or may not have the bomb, but he doesn’t have a Twister spinner.  

I do.  

I’ll leave it to you to decide which of us has the true implement of legitimate power at hand.  

Carrie Underwood gets married.

No trip to the supermarket is complete without learning the news on people I don’t care about from the covers of the gossip magazines. This week’s news is that singer Carrie Underwood got married.  

Two Jolie Kids

 

A strange coincidence is that this blessed event occurred during the only week since the late 1940’s that Angelina Jolie has not been staring at me from the cover of all these magazines simultaneously, accused of having an affair, having a vacation, having a tantrum, saving the world,  being in therapy or having another child. Ms. Jolie apparently spits out children like she was a Pez. 

Ms. Jolie took this week off from all her activities, including childbirth. That left the magazines with nothing to feature on the cover except that Ms. Underwood had her dog at her wedding wearing a pink tuxedo. There was no explanation why Ms. Jolie was inactive this week. Perhaps she had herself frozen. 

I’m not going to judge Ms. Underwood.  

Yes I am.  

Ms. Underwood, for what you spent on that dog tux, Angelina Jolie could have flown to the Gulf of Mexico and drilled 4 relief wells using only the force of her will. Shame on you.  

The Shopping Cart Ride

I had a great shopping cart, with wheels that rolled straight. I got a good running start and was rolling down hill. Then this clown started backing out without looking. Damn. 

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36 Comments on “At The Supermarket: Kim Jong Il doesn’t play Twister”

  1. HippieCahier says:

    Love the picture of the Jolie children. Shouldn’t one have facial hair, though?

    • omawarisan says:

      I think the next one will be born fully grown, including a beard. She will deliver it while she is laying out her plan for world peace at the United Nations.

  2. ivegottamove says:

    I love that the wordpress suggested related posts are all very serious North Korea articles

    • omawarisan says:

      Thanks for pointing that out. I hope it works the same in reverse…someone writing a serious analysis of his decision making and then boom…Twister!

  3. I love riding the cart! It’s amazing to see people of any age riding too! Not just for kids! I don’t recommend it for the elderly however- it would be a really embarrassing way to say you broke your hip!

  4. Jake Tannery says:

    Anything with Kim Jon makes me laugh. I can’t see him playing Twister, but… maybe Candyland? Yeah. That’s kind of up his alley. “Oh yeah? You stopping me, Mollasses Monster? How does nuclulear warfare sound? Hahaha!”

  5. queensgirl says:

    But…what if Kim Jong Il DOES have a Twister spinner?

  6. pattypunker says:

    i despise mayo. yeah i feel that strongly. but i love a good shopping cart ride.

    jolie kids pic – epic!

    • omawarisan says:

      I tried making a Jolie Pez picture but it wasn’t coming together for me last night.

      God, I hate forgetting to check if a place puts mayo on and then biting into it.

  7. Betty says:

    Apparently Carrie Underwood did not read Live Nude Dogs.

  8. Pez! I totally forgot about them and now I totally need one.

  9. spencercourt says:

    And what supermarket is it with all these wonders? I don’t think I’ve seen any of them. Of course, I’m not an “explorer.” I know what I need and where to find it, so I don’t wander the aisles. At any rate, pretzels are on my banned list…too much salt. (Why are there no unsalted pretzels? Are the pretzel factories owned by Morton?)

  10. linlah says:

    Maybe the mags were building anticipation for the release and over coverage of the child Pez dispensers new movie

  11. Hey, Ms Jolie was busy trying to get a real Russian spy to show up at her new movie opening.

    Just thought you might like to know.

    Oh and I have a couple of Pez dispensers, they do a great job of holding my candy while I wait in line at the grocery store. 🙂

    • omawarisan says:

      That makes sense. Spies are all about self promotion!

      What is your pez eating technique? Do you put them in your hand or hold the Pez up to your mouth and dispense them right into your mouth.

  12. planetross says:

    I’m amazed they haven’t updated Twister with new colors … or more colors … or a colorblind version … or squares instead of circles … or with just one long line of circles … or really small circles … or super huge circles.
    Those Twister people are lazy … or something.

  13. planetross says:

    Oh! I saw the “possibly related posts” too … and thought … are there serious blogs on wordpress?
    That’s funny!

  14. Vodka and Ground Beef says:

    Listen, I’m the number one expert on Kimmy Jong, and I can tell you right now with total confidence that not only have we played Twister (it was in Korean, but I’m pretty sure that’s what was going on), but we have also role played quite a bit. Kimmy’s favorite game is when I pretend I’m a prisoner, caught trespassing on North Korean soil, and he is my jailer.

    That’s all I’m gonna say about that. I just thought you should know.

  15. Pammy Girl says:

    I’m not quite sure what grocery you were shopping in but at my store last week I counted 2 magazines (I know, only 2) with Angelina stories. Of course they were BRITISH tabloids and everyone knows they write the very best garbage.

    • omawarisan says:

      I was stunned! I thought that according to federal law i was to be informed of her every breath. She wasn’t on one single cover. This could signal the end of the world.

  16. Pie says:

    “Ms. Jolie apparently spits out children like she was a Pez.” Now there’s an image that’ll stay in my mind for a long time. Thanks for that, Oma. This means I may burst into spontaneous laughter wherever I go, If you don’t hear from me for a while, it will be because I am spending time in a nice hotel with white padded walls where they provide special pyjamas with straps…

    • omawarisan says:

      I had a Jolie Pez project idea today at lunch after I saw your comment. I’ve got a draft in the works, I’m hoping to have that out tonight or tomorrow.


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