The Jolie Pez Project: The Jolie In The Charlotte NC Area.Posted: August 6, 2010
Before The Jolie goes out into the world, visiting the multitudes and saving the world, I thought I would show her around where I live. I must tell you that I was in for a shock when she came in the mail from eBay made her entrance and I found that she travels with a handgun. She also has some sort of smart phone that she spends a ridiculous amount of time on with her agent.
A Rough Start
I wasn’t impressed with The Jolie on the first day she was around. She doesn’t have much of a personality, especially when you take into account that she is the savior of the world. I guess saving the world is hard work.
We brought The Jolie over to The Carolina Raptor Center. The Raptor Center rehabilitates injured birds of prey…hence the bird crossing sign. The Omawari-son spent his summer volunteering here feeding owls, eagles, vultures and hawks.
The Jolie asked to be photographed with some horses in a pasture we passed. We tried to oblige her, but she came out blurrier than the horses. She really tossed a fit. Fortunately I had hidden her hand gun. She called her agent. I feel sorry for that guy.
After she had her melt down I really wasn’t in to showing her around any more. I hung out on the back porch and worked on a draft of this post. As you can see, The Jolie is kind of a control freak. She kept making what she called suggestions. They came across more as demands.
I decided to hang it up for the day and hope she was in a better mood the next day.
Some people don’t travel well.
Day Two – Gandhi and Pickles
The second day started with a trip into Charlotte to see the sights of the big city. I was hopeful that The Jolie was in a little better mood and no quite so self absorbed. While a nights rest did help her mood, she was no more conscious of being inappropriate than she was on the first day. For instance…
The Jolie was very excited to learn that we have a statue of Gandhi in Charlotte. I have not really heard a good explanation as to why we have this statue, it isn’t like the man hung around Mecklenburg County all the time. We have a Gandhi statue despite no one clearing it with me. Despite her excitement over the presence of a statue of this man of peace, The Jolie insisted on brandishing her pistol while being photographed with Gandhi.
Charlotte is also home to the Carolina Panthers Football team. They play at Bank of America stadium. Charlotte and Mecklenburg County are wholly owned subsidiaries of Bank of America. One of the bathrooms in my house is named Bank of America latrine. There are two massive sculptures of panthers outside each of the main gates of Bank of America Stadium. There are no such sculptures in my bathroom.
We stopped by one of Charlotte’s iconic eateries, The Penguin. The Penguin does not serve diet food, but it does serve great food, fast. It has been featured on the Food Network and is always crowded. The staff there is a great as the food. I love The Bird.
Moving along, The Penguin, which I love, has the best fried pickles available on Planet Earth. Name somewhere – Paris? No. Mongolia? No. Give up, the answer is always no. Penguin first, everyplace else second. I know many of you are saying to yourself, “I could never eat a fried pickle.” I say you can, and you will. These pickles are so good, The Jolie tried to take them all for herself, at gunpoint.
Many people have asked me why I have never had a picture of myself on Blurt. The answer lies in this fun fact. Mecklenburg County is the only county in the US that is home to two nuclear power plants. The “only county in the US” part might not be true, I’m just parroting what someone told me once. All the same, that much atomic activity is dangerous, as we all know from 1950’s Japanese monster movies. The reason I do not have a photo on my own website is that I am growing a second head. Here is a picture of The Jolie at one of the plants.
So it is now time for the Jolie to go out into the world for adventures. She will be leaving North Carolina soon and you’ll be seeing more of her adventures with other people being posted here on Blurt. I am working on a page that will allow you to track her adventures and hope one of those adventures will be with you.
It is never too late to get on the list of people The Jolie will visit. You can let me know in the comments section here, by email, or by commenting on the initial project post
Remember, in addition to all the fun you and The Jolie will have together, you will get your own Pez dispenser because, well, why not?