Flight Attendant Steven Slater: If I Were His Defense AttorneyPosted: August 10, 2010
So the story begins with what we’ve all heard. Jet Blue Flight Attendant Steven Slater, was hit on the head by a bag being removed from the overhead compartment of the flight he working yesterday. Mr. Slater then is alleged to have gotten into an argument with the passenger who bonked him with the bag, then launched into a profanity laced tirade over the plane’s intercom system. He then capped his meltdown by taking beer from the beverage cart and leaving the plane via the emergency slide.
There are some interesting choices there, aren’t there?
So now Mr. Slater is being charged with several crimes. That is not surprising, is it? I imagine some folks were kind of put out by this event. Airports are kind of sensitive places these days. Not the sort of place they really want guys strolling with cans of beer.
And what of that beer? I haven’t heard he paid for that. I’m certain the airline wasn’t giving them away as samples. Mr. Slater has some trouble coming his way.
Mr. Omawarisan Will Be Representing The Defendant Your Honor.
I’m going to take a moment and speak directly to (former) Flight Attendant Slater.
Mr. Slater, while I am generally opposed to desperadoes, I am willing to come to your defense. Why? Because I expect to be paid handsomely.
You’re no fool Mr. Slater. Wait, let me correct that, you’re quite the fool Mr. Slater, but I’m sure you want to know why you’d pay me any more than you’d pay any other non attorney to defend you. Here is your answer – because I will employ a defense that no real attorney would dare use on your behalf.
I will use the King Tut Defense.
Mr. Slater, you may not be old enough to remember the Batman TV show from back in the ’60’s. On that show, one of the villains Batman periodically battled was named King Tut. King Tut was a professor of Egyptology at a local university. Unfortunately, he had a problem. Whenever he was struck on thehead, he would come to believe he was King Tut.
Once he became King Tut he would don a King Tut outfit, get himself some henchmen and dress them like the people in ancient Egyptian paintings. Then they’d commit various Egypt and King Tut themed crimes around Gotham City. Typically, once caught and treated, King Tut would return to being the college professor and function normally, until the next time some treasured stone artifact fell on his head in class.
Mr. Slater, I think it is clear where I am going with this.
Let us count the number of times you have used an aircraft escape slide to facilitate your getaway with stolen beer. I’m thinking zero, right? Now let’s count how many times you’ve done that after cursing 150 New Yorkers via public address system. Again, zero.
What is the difference sir, the intervening factor? The blow to the head! You went King Tut! It’s as simple as that Mr. Slater.
When I bring the King Tut defense into court on your behalf, you will be exonerated.
Once you’re exonerated, Jet Blue will have to rehire you. Getting back on Jet Blue is critical here, sir. Currently you are radioactive. The only airline that will hire you is the one that has to because you’ve been declared innocent by the courts.
You know I can do it. Sell all your possessions and bring me your money…and a couple beers from the beverage cart. It will be money well spent.
Don’t be a fool, at least any more than you already have been. You know you can contact me here.
For those of you who might have missed it, here is an incredible animated simulation of what Mr. Slater is alleged to have done.
- JetBlue: Flight Attendant Steven Slater’s Big Exit Was For Good (huffingtonpost.com)