Deploying My Predator DronePosted: September 13, 2010
I don’t really have a lot of need for military hardware. Things like that are best left to the competent and brave people that we’re all blessed to have looking after us. There is one thing I am going to need.
It is time for me to have a Predator Drone of my very own.
First, A Disclaimer
I would never use my Predator Drone to attack anyone. I’m not a violent guy by any measure.
I would, however, make sure to get some press coverage of me at the local airport taking delivery of the Omawari-drone. Why? Because I want some people to know I have it. The thought of me having a drone would certainly be enough for those people.
Sometimes it’s truly the thought that counts, isn’t it?
So If Not For Attacking People, Why?
The Omawari-drone will be an extension of me when I can’t really be somewhere that I’d like to be. Let me give a couple examples.
Over the Labor Day weekend, a large group of my friends were together. As much as I wanted to be there with them, I had a more pressing event closer to home that I chose to attend. I sent a video phone message to the group, but that was not as satisfying as I’d have liked.
Now imagine the effect on my friends if I were able to drop leaflet messages on the party to let them know I was thinking of them. Without warning, wisecracks would flutter down upon them and we’d all have a good laugh.
Swapping Explosives For Nerf Rockets
Drones are great for looking in on and influencing situations far away. In their military application, rockets make them a formidable offensive weapon. I’m not particularly interested in blowing people up.
Still, the whole idea of using rockets to put situations right appeals to me. The Omawari-drone will remain rocket equipped, but my rockets will be Nerf foam rockets.
My plan is to keep my drone airborne, constantly patrolling the skies looking for jerks.
Remember the other day when that woman blew her horn at you the moment the traffic light turned green? How about that guy that felt justified in humiliating that waitress for a simple, human mistake? Those are the kind of people my drone would rain Nerf rockets upon so that all who see them would know they were caught in some anti-social behavior.
Think they can keep that cocky attitude while I’m raining yellow foam rockets down upon them? I think we both know better.
I’m Scouring eBay
I’m busily looking scouring eBay and Amazon for the perfect late model drone that my staff can upfit with a Nerf rocket launcher. I will not be denied.
You will know that I have succeeded in getting the Omawari-drone program off the ground on a fateful day not long in the future. You might even miss the press conference. Yet there will come a day when you run across someone who is supremely rude to you. When things are at their most frustrating, Nerf rockets of shame will rain down on your tormentor without warning.
As you walk away, remember to smile for the Omawari-drone’s camera.
I’m remotely here for you.
- Predator drones to patrol entire US-Mexico border (alternet.org)