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Keeping Up With The Kims: My Son The General

PYONGYANG. President Putin with North Korean l...

I imagine the guy with the red stripe on his hat whispering "left...a little to the left...you're almost off the carpet sir" (Image via Wikipedia)

 

North Korean Leader Kim Jong Il has had his son promoted to general as part of the process to place him in line to succeed him as the leader of that country.  

This seems to be a good idea.  

My friends, as part of my desperate effort to keep up with the Kims, I am announcing that I am promoting The Omawari-son to the rank of General. This new title will prepare him to manage the worldwide empire that Blurt has become.  

Some would label my decision as rash. If you are one of those people, keep it to yourself. I don’t want to cut your rations of rice, but I will.  

Actually, I sort of want to.  

Let’s compare the newly promoted Generals. Advantage in each category indicated by bold font.  

General Kim Vs General Omawari-son

General Kim                                                                     General Omawari-son

28 years old                                                                                        18 years old  

Fan of Jean Claude Van Damme                                                      Fan of Groucho Marx  

   

No record of musical ability                                                              Plays two instruments  

International School of Bern                                                             N.C. State University  

Skiing, Basketball                                                                                Kayaking, Soccer  

Eats kimchi                                                                                          Eats waffles  

Kim Jong-il

I can't match that hair, but I do have some better shirts than that (Image via Wikipedia)

 

General Omawari-son clearly outpoints General Kim winning most categories, but getting a draw in activities enjoyed. To be fair, General Kim also won in the category of coolest paternal hair. However, this is not Kim Jong Il’s blog so I censored that result.  

There may be some who would contend that The International School of Bern is a stronger play than North Carolina State University. I’d argue that their football teams simply don’t compare…and the Marching Bands? Please.  

I also anticipate some push back on age 18 winning over age 28. Let me point out that anyone who has been both 18 and 28 years old would tell you that you’re not ready to be a general at either age, but being 18 is much cooler.  

We can all agree on waffles over Kimchi, can’t we?  

"We're a happy family, we're a happy family..." The Ramones

 

It should be readily apparent to all concerned that General Omawari-son is eminently qualified to command the vast Blurt empire when the time comes. He will continue our glorious atomic program for the people. He also knows to occasionally give the people things like food, but not too often.
Your move Kim Jong-Il

  

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41 Comments on “Keeping Up With The Kims: My Son The General”

  1. General Omawari-son’s being a fan of Groucho Marx means that he is the only logical person who could possibly follow in your footsteps…

    Not a fan of old man Kim’s hairdo (it reminds me a bit of a baby orangutan, but not nearly as cute)…of course, I haven’t seen yours…

    Wendy

  2. snoringdogstudio says:

    I don’t know. I’m leaning toward the 18 year old, but the hair thing could be a deal breaker. Anybody who can get that amount of loft without wires and helium is probably well-suited to be a leader of some empire.

  3. Todd Pack says:

    Every time I see Kim Jong Il, I think of the puppet version of him from Team America. In fact, I’m not sure that the real Kim Jong Il hasn’t been replaced by the puppet from Team America. Have you ever seen the two of them together? I think not!

  4. writerdood says:

    Congrats to General Omawari-son. That’s a wonderful promotion. I’m sure he’ll keep his clan running excellently. But, since he’s a General now, you must have a higher rank. I’m thinking you should go with “Invincible Overlord.” It has a nice ring to it, and you can’t get much higher than that. Well, maybe “Monarch of Mighty Magnificence” would be higher, but it’s hard to tell. Surely “Glorious Leader” would be a step down though.

  5. The fact that Omawari-son can play two instruments gives him the much needed rockstar-like presence that seems to be all the craze nowadays with people of power. Cheers and long live the Kingdom of Blurt!

  6. Horsedonkeymulezebra says:

    Let’s go one further… I say that Omawari-son should rule North Korea. He could get us great deals on not-too-shabby electronics and satin jackets with stuff embroidered on the back. He would also be able to build a monument to M*A*S*H, but only the funny episodes with Frank Burns. And, most importantly, I would be able to go around saying “Hey, did you hear? My nephew has the bomb”

    You point out that you have been both 18 and 28, but you neglect to point out that you have also been 18 PLUS 28

  7. planetross says:

    I thought James Bond killed that guy in “Die Another Day”!

    I can’t imagining going to University with that guy! I bet he didn’t share his beer.

  8. Okay, so you might need to convince Omawari-son to take a liking to JCVD to seal the deal, but he’s still ahead of Kim. Ramones!

    • omawarisan says:

      He might be flexible toward JCVD. Last time I talked to him he was mentioning how he regretted not having a fourth initial.

      Loved the Ramones. Got to see them 4 times when I was in college.

  9. shoutabyss says:

    Dad, can I borrow the Army, just for the weekend? Please!

    Also: Family portrait. No one smile!

  10. hippie cahier says:

    You had my vote at waffles. I am certain that General Kim has never said anything nearly as profound as the Chinese food/cheese quote, which I plagiarize on a regular basis. The check’s in the mail.

    It will be quite some time before I can erase the image of Kim Jong Il’s hair on the Omawarisan picture. (shivers)…

    • omawarisan says:

      The check will be welcome. Spring semester registration starts soon, can the bill be far behind?

      Ha ha ha….now I’ve got to get to work on making an Omawarisan Jong il.

  11. The ball is in your court for a suitably admirable parental coif.

    • omawarisan says:

      I’m thinking of just mowing the whole mop off and going with a mad scientist look. This is a bit more of an attractive option now that I can just put the military stuff in his hands and allow me to tend to plotting, appearing simultaneously on everyone’s televisions, and finding an island that no one knows exists to base my operations from.

  12. spencercourt says:

    > to keep up with the Kims, I am announcing that I am promoting The Omawari-son to the
    > rank of General.

    Why be content to just keep up with the Kims? Go over the top…your son has the necessary credentials for Field Marshal! Then, after a year or so, he will be ready for the title I have: Most Exalted High Potentate.

  13. maggie says:

    I feel a bit more at ease with the world, knowing that General Omawari-son is in line to take over. Even if I kind of think 28 beats 18. But maybe ask me again when I’m done with 28…

  14. Katybeth says:

    A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. (GM)
    and another reason 18 is so cool-you are as smart as you will ever be.

  15. Vodka and Ground Beef says:

    I really like this post because you know I have a personal relationship with Kimmie Jong-il. Did you see the episode of “Locked Up Abroad: North Korea” with me on it? Probably not. Since Kimmie fell in love with me, he wouldn’t allow the episode to be viewed.

    As far as promoting your son to General, I like that move quite a bit. It’s bold.

    • omawarisan says:

      It is bold, isn’t it? I wish I could say it was my idea, but I’m obviously ready to learn from a respected rival.

      I’d heard rumors of that episode. Supposedly bootlegged copies of it are going for thousands of dollars.

  16. Betty says:

    A little back combing could probably give you that hair look – or you could just stick your finger in an electrical outlet.

  17. Omawarison says:

    Yeah that Ramones song goes great with that picture. I like how none of them are all smiling. If I was an egotistical leader (and I’m not), I would at least smile about it.

    • omawarisan says:

      That attitude is why I promoted you.

      That, and I’d like you to put me someplace nice when I’m 95.

      Now that I think about it, I’d like a Ramones show from the marching band. Do the Springsteen show first, then a Ramones show.


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