The mentoring ghost.

I’ve got an old Lou Reed CD that I’m enjoying called The Blue Mask. On it is a song that is a tribute to a poet who was his mentor. The song implies that upon passing, the mentor had become a ghost in Reed’s home.

Thinking About A Ghost I’ve Got No Room To Host.

I’ve never been much on thinking about ghosts and such, but the thought of Reed’s mentor occupying “a spare room” in his house got me to thinking about who might occupy a spare room in my house.

Cover of

If Casper is your mentor/ghost I feel sorry for you. He is a wimp and he has a big bulbous head. I never liked him.

Shortly after I had that thought I realized there really isn’t a spare room in el rancho Omawarisan. The empty bedroom is filled with various brass wind instruments, CD’s and video games. My mentors will have to spend eternity elsewhere and maybe drop me a note from time to time if they’ve got something to say.

I wondered about what mentors could move in if we made room, but I decided that was kind of depressing. I’d rather just keep my mentors where I can pick up the phone and contact them. The only logical place to take this whole idea was to figure out how I would handle the role of ghost mentor in the spare bedroom.

I Have Some Terms

I came up with a few principles I think would be important.

  • No wailing. If, as a ghost, I choose to move in to the spare bedroom of my mentee’s home I will communicate much more effectively than lame ghosts who wail. Wailing has been done to death by other ghosts. I’m sure I can do better.
  • Reasonable hours.
    Eric Clapton & Steve Winwood

    If I am your ghost mentor I will not be available on nights Eric Clapton is playing nearby (Image by hepp via Flickr)

    Most ghosts supposedly are out at night. While I might go out at night to catch a show (seriously, why wouldn’t I? No need for tickets) my ghost mentoring activities will be strictly during business hours. I could probably be coaxed into mentoring during off hours upon request, but as far as roaming the halls and mentoring at night, absolutely not. Who knows what is going on in the house then?

  • I reserve the right to lose my mentee’s CDs or delete digital music files. Music is important to me. Still, in this day and age, I believe it is an art form under attack. Should my mentee delve into artists and forms of music that nauseate me, I will act decisively. I am not spending my afterlife listening to Madonna , regretting that I didn’t spend more time instilling an appreciation of talent.
  • No storage or litter boxes in my room. Is it too much to ask for a little respect for my space after years of mentoring? I think not, and I’m a mentor, so obviously I know a thing or two about how things should be. I’ll certainly go on vacation when guests use the spare room. I will not be a discourteous ghost mentor – it won’t be my house after all. Having that courtesy repaid by not having cats relieving themselves where I’m trying to have an afterlife would be nice.
  • I will be strictly a warm weather ghost mentor. I’m starting a program of convincing any one I mentor to move somewhere oceanfront in southern Florida. Whichever one acts on that guidance will be the one I move in with. The others will get visits between summer months only.

I’m certain that as I put more time into this important matter, I will come up with more thoughts on what how I might handle being a ghost/mentor. These are pretty much the most important ones, given that I thought of them first.

I thought it was important to get those ideas out so people knew I was thinking ahead. I don’t want you all to think I spend all my time thinking about silly things.


25 Comments on “The mentoring ghost.”

  1. Amy says:

    Just to practice, you could go ahead and start ridding the world of Madonna right now.

  2. wineaux62 says:

    But what would you look like? Would you, in your afterlife, have a form for your mentees to see or would you just invisibly sneak Madonna CDs into the trash when they’re not looking? OR…maybe you can do both since you’d certainly have to be invisible when you go out to a movie for free, right?

    • omawarisan says:

      Exactly. I’ll let them see me sometimes, but the invisibility thing will be key to keeping myself entertained.

      I think I’m going to go with middle aged me when I let them see me. we both know young me didn’t know anything. Old me is likely to be very forgetful.

  3. tsanda says:

    casper is so weak…. when I am a ghost…only chains and door slamming for me

    • omawarisan says:

      I agree, Casper is a loser. That whole bit about wondering why no one wanted to be his friend? The answer was obvious to me, even as a kid. Casper is just totally unlikeable.

  4. KathiD says:

    Are you sure you haven’t tried this out already? Because some years back, my husband’s entire collection of Prince CDs disappeared. I am not making this up. He still thinks I did it. I did NOT.

    • omawarisan says:

      You know that whole thing a few years ago about paying it forward and helping someone you didn’t know? The opportunity was there, I saw someone suffering, I acted. The details aren’t important, but it really helps when he doesn’t roll up the car window.

  5. spencercourt says:

    > move somewhere oceanfront in southern Florida

    SOuthern Florida is passe….come to the beautiful white sand beaches of Northwest Florida, between Panama City Beach and Destin. There has *never* been a reported (key word there) incident of a Cuban or Haitian washing up on a Northwest Florida beach! Much more affordable too.

    • omawarisan says:

      True on those beaches being nice, I’ve always heard that.

      No big problem for me and people coming ashore. We all come from somewhere & there’s good and bad people from everywhere. Love Cuban food.

  6. queensgirl says:

    All I know about Casper is that he had a friend named Wendy. So he can’t be all bad, right? 😉

  7. sgottahurt says:

    I couldn’t imagine having a ghost in my house, even if it was a mentor.

    After I saw The Sixth Sense for the first time, I returned home and felt chills up and down my spine (which meant there were ghosts around me, ‘natch). As I headed toward my bedroom, the chills intensified, so I dove into my tent. (Yes, I slept in a pup tent at the time.) This did not help though, seeing as how there was a tent scene in the film…

    You know what. Please ignore all the above… just like I would a ghost mentor.

  8. Betty says:

    I have a mentoring ghost. It’s the former owner of my condo who passed away shortly after I bought the place. I’m told she was always in everyone’s business. And she makes me continue her role as condo rule enforcer. My personality is basically pretty laid back, but this ghost has me reporting people to the condo management office for things like not scooping dog poop, putting out garbage after the truck has already come, parking violations….UGH….I need an exorcism.

  9. linlah says:

    Of course there are terms, I would expect nothing less.

  10. Todd Pack says:

    I’ve always wondered how they pitched Casper to the networks.

    NETWORK EXECUTIVE: OK, what’s the show about?

    WRITER: It’s about a friendly little dead child!

    NETWORK EXECUTIVE: Oh, my God, that’s awful! How’d he die?

    WRITER: I don’t know. I never thought about it. Cancer, maybe a boat accident. Doesn’t matter. Anyway, he’s really friendly….

    NETWORK EXECUTIVE: Yeah … I don’t think this is right for us.

  11. So I think that your request for no storage or litter boxes in your room is the main reasons why ghosts get so pissed off at us living folk anyway. It’s a nice rule to have really…after all, the living ones are the ones pushing the dead ones out of the way, right? It’s only fair.

    And of course, you’re correct – wailing is so last century. Personally, I think the robotic voice might be a nice touch. Something very tin cannish?

  12. spencercourt says:

    > oceanfront in southern Florida

    Actually, there is a lot of “waterfront” property in Central Florida in desperate need of new owners. During the rainy June – November season, there’s always water in front of their door…. 😉

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