Busted Flat In Baton Rouge, Waitin’ On A Plane

Yeah, I know that isn’t how the song goes. I wasn’t in Baton Rouge either.

When I fly I get to the airport early. It just makes me crazy to be running late on a typical day. On travel days it becomes almost an obscession to be early. I kind of like being at the airport (Atlanta, Newark, not you. I hate being at your airports), there is so much to see.

Here’s A Good Idea…Put Your Crappy Attitude In Your Checked Luggage Next Time.

An image of a TSA screener inspecting a servic...

I wasn't looking for a picture of a monkey being screened, but how could I not use it? (Image via Wikipedia)

I like TSA. They do important work. I don’t think they need people mouthing off to them.

I don’t mind if they need to look in my bag. I don’t mind if they ask me questions. I don’t mind taking my shoes off, getting searched, or going through that full body scanner with my hands up on my head so I look like an x-ray of Bullwinkle.

When I was picking up my stuff and putting my shoes on, they were speaking to a guy at a table behind me. They were using a very professional tone. The guy was not.

The guy got to go to the back room. Good job TSA.

You Know, You Can Get A Shot For That

Decorative toilet seat

My friend said he got dough balls from a toilet seat. I know better. (Image via Wikipedia)

I’m walking to my gate. It is early morning and they are still restocking the stores with merchandise and the restaurants with delicious airport food.

A cart in front of one restaurant is loaded with boxes prominently labeled Dough Balls.

I knew a guy in college who got dough balls. He told me about the treatment, it almost seemed worse than the disease. I think you can get a shot for it now.

I tried to get a photo of the Dough Balls boxes, but they rolled it away before I could get my camera.

I Don’t Mean To Step On Toes. On Second Thought…

The guy sitting next to me at the gate is wearing those shoes with toes.

I want to step on each of your toes, one at a time. (image via

I hate those shoes. His are red. Why doesn’t he just paint his feet red and staple some rubber to his soles? I have never shopped for those shoes, but I bet they’re expensive. Sometimes, the more people spend for something, the dumber it looks.

I have to make a conscious effort not to step on his toes. Typically I would not have the urge to step on them. Perhaps since he spent so much money to make them so prominent I just want to step on them.

And then say I’m sorry.

And then say “that’s what you get for wearing those shoes!”

I Was In Miami

On my return trip I made a stop at Miami airport.

I spotted a couple wearing matching t-shirts. Matching shirts are never a good idea. It is worse when the t-shirts have “I was in Miami bitch” written on them in rhinestones.

Very classy.

A message to my Miami t-shirted friends:

There should be a comma on your shirt after Miami, knuckleheads.


30 Comments on “Busted Flat In Baton Rouge, Waitin’ On A Plane”

  1. Abe's Blog says:

    Perhaps the lack of a comma was intentional.
    No. That’s not right.
    Your blog had me laughing the whole read through. Excellent stuff. I would have felt the EXACT same way about those ridiculous shoes. Also, where can I buy some shoes like that, and do they come hot pink?

  2. Todd Pack says:

    I hate those body scanners, but it’s not like it’s the fault of the folks working the line at the airport. Plus, it can’t be fun looking at quasi-nude pictures of lumpy tourists.

    P.S. Those toe shoes always make me think of the shoes the monkeys wore in Planet of the Apes. Unless you’re sporting a full Cornelius (thick, flowing brown hair and chin beard plus a prosthetic face), ditch the shoes.

  3. Katybeth says:

    Those shoes are both very comfortable and good for your feet (I don’t own a pair but I know very nice people who do.) They are also not all that expensive.
    Compassion for TSA agents but vindictive towards people wearing toe shoes and matching t-shirts???
    For God’s sake don’t bite yourself by accident today, you will surely die.

    Have a nice day!!

  4. pattypunker says:

    another classy tee: i went to newark and i didn’t get car-jacked.

  5. Omawarison says:

    The comma error strikes again, but in a different format! (Hopewell, High School.)

  6. I bet the guy with the red foot shoes had a pair of orange crocs in his hand luggage.

  7. Hippie Cahier says:

    Dough balls? Is that where the holes in doughnuts go?

    Thank you for speaking out on behalf of one of the most beleaguered of punctuation marks, second only perhaps to its flying cousin, the apostrophe.

    I am not fond of the “b” word, but I am fond of capitalization. Do you think that suffered because of rhinestone issues as well?

    I have it on good authority that the cherry blossoms of Newark are far better than those of our beloved DC. Go figure.

    And sorry, Kb, but those shoes are just silly. 🙂

    • omawarisan says:

      The B word has gone from taboo to sadly common (on more than one level), I hate to see it myself.
      Now that you mention capitalization, I think every letter on the shirt was capitalized. That makes sense to me because if one is going to parade around advertising one’s lack of class, I’d imagine one would want to do it with the bold statement that only upper case letters can make

  8. Love the comparison to Bullwinkle…

    I’m with you on the shoes, Oma…I don’t think they’ve made it to New Brunswick yet!

    Those shirts are just bad!


  9. Brooke says:

    I think those shoes are beyond weird. I saw them in a storefront in Bloomington, IN a few years back. I didn’t know what to think at the time.

  10. Zahara says:

    Wearing red toe shoes to the airport? Obviously amateurs. If removing them is anything like removing a glove, one finger at a time, you know they held up the line.

    And yeah, you’ve gotta be quick with the camera if you wanna catch a shot of the elusive dough balls.

    Thanks for the laughs, glad you’re back.

  11. spencercourt says:

    I’ve been to Atlanta airport; I’ve not been to Newark airport. But Miami airport is definitely the pits. Next time, think about driving up the road to Lauderdale. Much nicer airport. And the fare may be lower. Also they speak English at that airport. I don’t have a problem with Spanish since that’s in my blood and I can get by. But some Americans think one should speak English when in America. I can accept that, but then they insist on speaking English when in Spain too, which makes no sense.

  12. Dough balls?!!! I love that.

  13. linlah says:

    Delicious airport food, you really were on vacation.

    Is the comma, in, the right place?

  14. Betty says:

    I just got back from a trip as well! Post to come soon. But I had to comment on those “shoes.” A friend of mine wears them and I have my Blackberry set to display a photo of his foot with the shoes when he calls. It’s getting kinda creepy though.

So, what's on your mind?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s