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Stop That, You’ll Go Blind: Michigan Man Buys Winning Lottery Ticket In A Porn Shop

Adult Books

A similar repository of literature (Image by highstrungloner via Flickr)

In  a press conference held by the Michigan Lottery, a man named Mike Grier claimed a 128 million dollar prize on behalf of a group he called “Team Victory Club”. The winning ticket was bought at a place called the Uptown Book Store outside of Detroit.

The Uptown Book Store is not your typical local book seller, nor is it Barnes and Noble. The Uptown Book Store is a porn shop. At the press conference, Mr. Grier refused to give details about the ticket purchase. Mr. Grier’s answer to the questions? “Nobody cares.”

Dude, Just Say What Happened.

Mr. Grier, let’s start with your answer – “nobody cares”. Unless you were alone at the press conference, at least one other person cares. Because of your non answer, you increased the number of people who care by at least 100% because now I care. I’d bet I’m not the only one. Glossing over or dismissing truth only fuels the hunger for that truth.

Furthermore, you have this mysterious group, who you purport to represent, that owned the winning ticket. Your non answer makes what may very well be a group of fine people look like a cover story concocted to leave the impression that it might not have been you who bought the ticket.

Seriously, just say what happened.

Let Me Make A Suggestion

Day Two hundred and seven: It's nice to dream ...

Someone bought it. It is time to name names (Image by Insulinde via Flickr)

You, or the group, won 128 million dollars. You have nothing to lose. People can respect honesty and a sheepish grin from a man caught with his hand  legally in the cookie jar. You, or the group, got a payday. Good for you!

Call another press conference. If you bought the ticket, Mr. Grier, say so. If someone else did, say so. I’ll help you and tell you just what to say.

The Text Of Your Prepared Statement

Here is what you’ll need to say at the press conference. Try not to stray from it, sir, because your first press conference didn’t go that well. I have given you leeway to adjust it to fit whoever truly bought the ticket.

Brett Favre with the Vikings

How is saying nothing working for him? (Image via Wikipedia)

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming.  A few weeks ago (I/name of the person who bought the ticket) felt the urge to, shall we say…reset the system. It seemed that visual aids were in order to assist with the task so (I/name of the person who bought the ticket) stopped at the Uptown Book Store.

Upon making the purchase, (I/name of the person who bought the ticket) decided to buy a lottery ticket for (myself/on behalf of the group). As a result (I/we) (am a wealthy man/are a rich group). You may feel the need to judge (me/the person who bought the ticket). To that (I/we) say “who cares?” (I/we) are rich because (I/name of the person who bought the ticket) decided to clean (my/his) pipes, if you know what I’m saying.

Honestly, you’ve got nothing to gain by being all Brett Favre about it. Speak up and speak out now. Take questions at the press conference. I will demonstrate how you should respond to questions by answering queries on your behalf here, right before your eyes. I will be assisted by the astute and bright Blurt readership in this parody of you taking questions at your press conference. They will serve as the reporters in the mock press conference, I will address their questions as if I were you. Watch and learn.

I’m glad we could have this talk, Mr. Grier. I’d like to shake your hand to congratulate you and the the group.

I’ll bring some hand sanitizer.

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25 Comments on “Stop That, You’ll Go Blind: Michigan Man Buys Winning Lottery Ticket In A Porn Shop”

  1. Brooke says:

    I find it odd that an adult bookstore can even sell lottery tickets. I’m discombobulated by the whole thing.

  2. Hippie Cahier says:

    No one listened when Brett tried to give us a hint: “Pants on the Ground”

    Neither here nor there, unless he’s the one who won the lottery. Hmmmm…

  3. Todd Pack says:

    When I first saw this story, I immediately pictured some guy trying to explain to his wife why he was in a porn shop, because even he lied and said he bought it at 7-Eleven, the truth would be all over the news. Of course, $128 million can buy a lot of forgiveness.

    • omawarisan says:

      That’s what i think, but lets face it, if we think it is a silly story, she’s got to se right thru it. Be straight up, say what’s up and hand the woman some bills.

  4. Katybeth says:

    If I was the wife…I would do what most women would do…go shopping in a big way. Ok…maybe you are not a wife who would “go shopping.” I can’t help it if your priorities are all wrong. )
    Perhaps he was simple visiting the “book store” so he could make his report to the legion of decency, bought a lottery ticket on his way out…and now feels a little guilt because he knows the legion is going to disapprove.
    Congratulations Mr. Grier for being in the wrong place at the right time.

  5. Betty says:

    I’m thinking, by “nobody cares,” he means he doesn’t give a hoot what anyone thinks about what he was doing in there. If I just won that much money, I could not care less if the lead story on every news station was, “Betty shags entire SMU football team, video included.” Say what you want. Nobody cares.

  6. shoutabyss says:

    Dildo buys lotto ticket. Wait. Scratch that. Mike Grier buys lotto ticket. Yeah, that’s more accurate. Slightly. At least he peaked at the right time.

  7. Um, yes, Mr. Grier, what kind of group is “Team Victory club”? I’m guessing it is not a group for reforming sex addiction, or is it? Please, tell us more about this “club”.
    (And as a mock reporter, I quietly cringe at asking that question, scared of what the answer could be!)

    • omawarisan says:

      Team Victory is a group of people comprised of me. I would hold a group meeting and consider reforming, but I don’t have to reform, I’m rich. As a matter of fact, after my last “group meeting” I bought the lottery ticket that made me rich. Thank you for your question.

  8. Abe's Blog says:

    I’m stuck on the ‘Team Victory’ thing. What is that? It’s a good name…much better that ‘Team Loser’ or ‘The Mediocre’s’. Is this team open to other ‘players’? If so, how do we get in? I’m suspecting that as part of the initiation process for joining the team, the initiate is required to go to a porn store and buy…well, a lotto ticket would do.

    Porn stores; they aren’t just for porn anymore.

    Go Team Victory!

  9. This is honesty. I don’t judge porn and lottery tickets. When you mentioned the hand sanitizer, you meant to clean off all the hundred dollar bills right?

    • omawarisan says:

      Exactly. I want to clean the money he gives me for my advice. Hand sanitizer dries quickly so I can start dropping 100’s all over town on stuff I don’t need…like lottery tickets with naked pictures on them.

  10. pattypunker says:

    mr grier, will you tip better on your next visit?

  11. 36x37 says:

    To the guy’s wife, I say, “Go on, girl. There’s a Prada bag with your name on it. And a pair of Jimmy Choo’s…and a lavish trip to the south of France…and your own pool boy…”

  12. linlah says:

    Everyone knows porn is the quickest route to fortune. Uh. Duh.

  13. Zahara says:

    My guy’s response to this situation: “You can’t win if you don’t play”.
    I have no questions for Mr. Grier. He’s right, I don’t care.

  14. I always fear situations like this when you’re doing something embarrassing and like you’re at a strip club that gets robbed, and you help subdue the robber and save someone’s life, but all the coverage will mention you were at a strip club.


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