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Buddha And Jesus Go Missing

Friends, it is my regretful task to bring you disturbing news. You are going to want to sit down for this.

Buddha and Jesus are missing. I made the alarming discovery this morning.

Things Might Have Started To Go Wrong Yesterday

milk-carton-timeout

Buddha and Jesus are missing. Call a milk man! (Image by hatsoff2larry via Flickr)

At work, I drive a vehicle provided by my employer. While others in the organization drive their cars while they are at work, then pass them on to someone else, my car is assigned to just me. Why? Because I am special. Seriously, ask my Mom, I am.

Because I am special and have my own work car, I keep some personal items in the passenger area and made little modifications to suit me and my special needs. For several years now, the aforementioned great religious figures have accompanied me on my daily rounds.

Buddha and Jesus are finger puppets.

Why?

Why a 49 year old man would have finger puppets in his car is a valid question. The short answer is, I saw them and liked them.

I am not traditionally religious. I think answers and truth lie somewhere between the various books and houses of worship. Having symbols of two of the world’s great religions along for the ride can’t be a bad thing. So Buddha and Jesus ride around with me at work.

For the record, the last paragraph is the most extensive discussion of faith I have had in years. Boy, am I glad that is over. Maybe I’ll talk about it again some time, perhaps in another 49 years.

Buddha and Jesus Disappear

MISSING!!! (image via philosophersguild.com)

Periodically I get the call to take my car in for maintenance. I usually pick up a loaner car and transfer a minimal amount of my gear to that car while mine is in the shop overnight. Personal stuff, like Buddha and Jesus, stays in the car being worked on.

About a year ago, when I picked up my car from a garage, I was asked why I had a Jesus finger puppet and who “the fat Chinese dude was” that was with him. At that point I considered that some might be upset by the two great figures co-existing. I don’t mind upsetting people now and again, but upsetting people who have access to the brake lines of one’s car doesn’t seem wise.

MISSING!!! (image via philosophersguild.com

I resolved to move Buddha and Jesus when the car went to be worked on. I decided that, if asked, neither would  have been offended by my choice. So yesterday, when I dropped my car off at the garage, I hid them both in their usual spot, the driver’s side door pocket.

This morning I picked up my car, transferred my gear from the loaner car and drove off. At a stop light I reached for Buddha and Jesus to return them to where they reside – magnetically attached to a piece of metal near the front seat. They were gone!

The Horror! The Dilemma!

I pulled into the first parking lot I could find and scoured the interior of my car. They were nowhere to be found.

I said some bad words and looked again. I repeated that cycle three times. Each time I got the same result. Buddha and Jesus are missing.

I went back and checked the lot where I loaded and unloaded the car. They were not there. I am very concerned.

Let’s face it, if anyone can take care of themselves in this world, it is these two guys. Still, I will be looking for them in the hope that I can return them to their rightful place in my car, that metal bar near my right leg. Should any of you see them wandering the streets, please have them get in touch with me.

Don’t worry about if they know my number. They have ways. They are Buddha and Jesus for Christ’s sake!

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42 Comments on “Buddha And Jesus Go Missing”

  1. Wendi says:

    I suspect The Jolie may have had something to do with the disappearance. Have you questioned her? Doesn’t the taker realize how they have just cosmically cursed themself? Seriously, you don’t steal JC and the fat Chinese dude without there being consequences.

  2. Blond Stranger says:

    Is it possible that Buddha and Jesus were idol-knapped? I’m thinking you need to bring in the CSI guys and launch an investigation. Those maintenance guys look a little squirrelly to me!

  3. Katybeth says:

    Ask St. Anthony to find them–St Anthony does not work for free so offer something up–he may be a Saint but he is a smart Saint.

    Tony, Tony
    Please come down
    Something lost
    And can’t be found!

    Good Luck!

  4. I’m with Wendi…I think The Jolie’s taken them on her trip to Washington…she knows the paparazzi wouldn’t be able to resist snapping away if she appeared wearing Jesus and Buddha as leg warmers (even though the fashion police would probably have a field day with the resulting photos!).

    Interesting that we’re both 49…I have two other blogging friends who are also 49, and born within 9 days of my birthday in July…

    Wendy

  5. I’d heard once that Buddha was here aprox 500 yrs before Jesus and predicted that Jesus would come. Maybe they got to talking in your car, high fived each other at all the good work they had done in their respective lifetimes, thought that together, they could really rock & roll the peace thing (God knows this world needs it). Maybe even discussed that you, Oma, were on the right road and they could help more people elsewhere so they hitched a ride to somewhere where they are needed. Just a thought.

  6. Zahara says:

    I feel for your loss.
    However, it is not for us to question the ways of the Great Ones…
    Apparently they have important work to do in the hands of the cads who snagged them.
    In the meantime, I hope you can quickly replace them and drive on….

  7. Have you checked your fingers? All of them?

  8. Maybe there should be an Amber Alert. I know they’re not kids, but still.

  9. Kim Pugliano says:

    That last sentence really drove the whole blog home. Shalom.

  10. jane says:

    Check Good Will early Tuesday morning!

  11. spencercourt says:

    It was Somali pirates! Expect a ransom note soon….

  12. Betty says:

    Have you confronted the repair shop/mechanic? Someone would have to be pretty bold to take something from your work vehicle (at least what I picture it to be). Cluck, y’all. And happy Thanksgiving.

  13. Hippie Cahier says:

    The Jolie has retained counsel and has invoked her Fifth Amendment rights. Sorry….it’s DC. You just had to know she’d get lawyered up.

  14. planetross says:

    I had a “Have a Loving Day” dayglow sticker my hippie brother gave me when I was 7. I finally slapped it on the bumper of an old van my friend was driving down to San Diego. Somewhere along the way, someone stole that sticker (Santa Barbara). I don’t know why?
    I’m still living with the hurt.

  15. Rob G says:

    Was very concerned after reading this entry as there seems to be no update in over two months, and I know from television cop shows that if someone is not found in 48 hours, or happens to be a major star doing a cameo as a victim in a two part episode, they will never be found alive.

    Then I got to thinking, perhaps they were not the victims of foul play, but just on a mis-adventure. They could have taken the opportunity to get out of the garage during the car’s servicing to avoid the noise and general stench that goes along with an oil change and tune up.

    History shows that some of our greatest religious figures have had a hard time finding their way – does the name Moses ring a bell? I would suggest a thorough search of the garage and surrounding area. Even though it has been a long time, they could not have gotten far – remember, they have no legs.

    I suggest a search of the garage and surrounding area


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