Tiny Big Corduroy Pants, My Weapon Of ChoicePosted: December 8, 2010
You might recall my struggle to deal with The Singing Guy, a person in my office whose awkward and lengthy singing performances can’t be stopped by normal means. Simple verbal solutions like “please stop singing to me” and “go away” are powerless against his need to spread his dancing, singing strangeness.
I have searched for a new weapon to make sure that the show does not go on. That weapon has arrived, courtesy of a dry cleaner’s mistake.
More On The Singing Guy
I just made you say moron.
Anyhow, the singing guy is very detail oriented. His work is meticulous. His appearance is equally so. his desk is precisely arranged. he can’t tolerate any sort of disorder in his life. This inability to tolerate anything being out of place is part of my plan to manage his singing behavior.
I learned the other day that when he is stressed by disorder in his life, he becomes obsessed with correcting that disorder. That obsession causes him to forget to sing.
A Gift From The Dry Cleaners
A dry cleaning service picks up dirty clothes and delivers clean ones back to our office twice a week. Last week the cleaners accidentally included a very large, non designer label shirt in The Singing Guys clean laundry.
This stowaway of a shirt proved a massive distraction to The Singing Guy. He sent several office wide emails, some with photos, looking for the shirt’s owner. When that failed, he inflicted an inordinately long phone call upon the dry cleaner. As that call droned on, it occurred to me that no singing had occurred. In fact, there were no performances all day.
The Lightbulb Moment
The realization that he had not sung lead me to a moment of algebraic genius. In that flash of enlightenment I created this formula that holds the answer to my Singing Guy problem:
Disorder = Stress
Stress = No singing
Non-designer dry cleaning error = Stress
Non-designer dry cleaning error = No singing
The Plan Takes Shape
My plan is simple. I will be periodically slipping clothes into The Singing Guy’s dry cleaning when I want a quiet day. It won’t be every time he gets a load of clean clothes, but now and again he will get an additional garment when it suits my needs.
I went to a local Goodwill store and made a few purchases – a really large plaid suit coat, a denim vest, and a tiny pair of pants made of very large corduroy. They are all garments that are not suited to The Singing Guy in style nor size.
I washed them in my home washing machine* and have them stored at the office. When I need a singing free day, I will slip the tiny, big corduroy pants into The Singing Guy’s dry cleaning and voila, peace and quiet while he stresses out!
* By doing this I learned that when the label on a jacket says “dry clean only” the world doesn’t come to an end if you fling it in a washing machine.