Truckstop Oysters. How Bad Could They Be?Posted: December 13, 2010
Last week I drove from my home in North Carolina to Orlando, FL and back. One of the things between home and Orlando is South Carolina.
South Carolina. The state that decided there really isn’t anything wrong with selling gasoline and fireworks in the same place. The state that thought making hiking enthusiast Mark Sanford their Governor would be a good idea. The state that, on this trip, revealed to me its latest good idea – selling oysters at highway truckstops.
Truckstop oysters. Stay here and think about the horrible possibilities for a minute while I keep writing. Meet me in the next section when you’re ready.
A Slight Tangent
I think Truckstop Oysters is a great name for a band.
Truckstop Oysters is such a great band name that I am starting a band specifically so that name will be used as it deserves to be. Truckstop Oysters and I will be opening for the Dave Matthews Band on their next tour.
Please note that this is the only good thing about the intersection of truckstops and oysters.
Is shellfish really what we want someone running a gas station preparing for us?
Look around your average interstate truckstop. Give that machine they use to heat up nacho cheese a good look. That thing hasn’t been cleaned since the OJ trial was on television. Now we’re going to have these people preparing shell fish?
Apparently the answer is yes. Because of South Carolina, we are faced with the specter of motorists careening down our highways and being hit with the result of eating a batch of bad truckstop oysters.
Frozen Giblets Everywhere
How excited are you about a long haul truck driver being hit with paralytic shellfish poisoning? Doesn’t sound good does it? It gets worse when you read the symptoms –
Ten to thirty minutes after ingestion, symptoms can include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal pain, and tingling or burning lips, gums, tongue, face, neck, arms, legs, and toes. Shortness of breath, dry mouth, a choking feeling, confused or slurred speech, and lack of coordination are also possible.
A driver on a tight deadline can’t stop for a little nausea or tingling gums. Stopping leads to lost money. He already lost time waiting for Buck to finish preparing his oysters back at the truckstop. He’s going to keep rolling right through dry mouth until he gets to confused speech and lack of coordination.
Now, because of a batch of bad oysters, you’ve got a 53 foot truck load of frozen turkeys barreling down on you as its mush-mouthed driver starts to realize he has lost his fine motor skills. Driving was dangerous enough in the pre-shellfish era. Adding nasty truckstop oysters, crab and lobster just increases the danger to us all.
Sir, Put Down The Knife And Step Aside. Do It Now.
There is a definite lack of sense here. Do you know who doesn’t care? South Carolina. Even now, they’re probably investing in rice steamers so they can make sushi at truckstops. How long will it be until South Carolina truckstops are serving up potentially lethal servings of fugu sashimi?
I look hopefully to my neighbors to the south for a return to a little common sense. Truckstop oysters are a slippery slope to disaster, my friends. The sooner you get the oyster knife out of the hands of Buck and Gladys over at The Long Haul Grill on Interstate 95, the better off we will all be.
- Norovirus Linked to Raw Oysters (noroblog.com)