The Funeral Home & Christmas Tree Lot.

Perhaps it is the part of town I work in. Perhaps it is because entrepreneurial folks are always looking for a new opportunity. Maybe I spend too much time driving. Whatever the reason, I seem to run across a lot of businesses that combine profit-making ideas in strange ways.

For Example…

I can take you to places where you can get a mobile phone while you buy clothes, auto parts or as you dine on a variety of cuisines.

I know where there is a Burger House and Limousine Service. They already owned a restaurant; then, they got a good deal on a big car. If they wash their hands between changing the antifreeze and flipping burgers I suppose that will all work out for them.

The Ice Cream Parlor and Hair Salon combination bothered me more. I never went in that place. I couldn’t drive by it without getting that sensation like I had a hair on my tongue.

Tin Roof Sunday Ice Cream

Creamy, hairless goodness. (Image by jessicafm via Flickr)

As best I could tell, there was a door between the two parts of the business. I just don’t think that they manufacture a door that can withstand what I believe is a magnetic attraction between Fudge Ripple and Strawberry Blond.

You might have noted that I wrote the Ice Cream Parlor and Hair Salon paragraph in the past tense. Mercifully, the ice cream section has become a second salon. Driving by that building skeeves me out so much less now.

It Gets Worse

Today, I saw the ultimate in incongruous business pairings. A Funeral Home with a Christmas Tree Lot.

Some things should not be combined. How does one prepare themselves to buy a symbol of joy at a place associated with great sorrow? What message does adding a Christmas Tree Lot to a Funeral Home give to the bereaved? I think it says “sorry for your loss; now if you’ll excuse me, these boughs of holly aren’t going to sell themselves.”

Maybe it is a little harsh to act as if someone in the funeral business can’t expand their horizons. If it is OK for the convenience store owner and the restaurateur, why not the funeral director? Maybe it is a matter of finding the right match. My conclusion is that there is one business suited to be combined with a funeral home.

A Petting Zoo.

Cheetah looks at me

Predatory cats might not be a good idea (Image via Wikipedia)

The Funeral Home / Petting Zoo would be a perfect combination. Kids under foot during the wake? Send them out to the Petting Zoo. Need a break and some comfort? Step on out and pet a bunny.

There’d be no charge for going to the petting zoo if you’re attending a funeral. If you’re not attending a wake, a reasonable admission charge would be in order.

Of course, there would be animal food available in those gumball machine style dispensers just like at any other petting zoo. It would probably be a good idea to bring some quarters when you to the funeral home/petting zoo.

Everything works if you let it.


30 Comments on “The Funeral Home & Christmas Tree Lot.”

  1. Blond Stranger says:

    Funeral home petting zoo is probably a better idea than mine. While I was reading my immediate thought was Bar or Liquor store. Perhaps because I’m Irish?

  2. Ice Cream Parlor and Hair Salon? Ewww…. Nasty chemical smell would ruin the ice cream goodness!

  3. 36x37 says:

    Columbus has a funeral home/Christmas tree lot, too. Maybe it’s a franchise, because there’s no way two separate people could come up with such a great pairing.

  4. Todd Pack says:

    This doesn’t surprise me. Several years ago, a town in eastern Kentucky finally went wet, and everybody wanted a piece of the action, so you ended up with things like a furniture store and carry-out.

    P.S. Merry Christmas, Oma.

  5. Jane says:

    I’m just stretching here and I definitely don’t intend to offend anyone. Once I start making connections, things just happen:

    If you really run far out in left field, you could see a connection between a tree meant to celebrate the birth of a child who would later suffer great torture with grace and fortitude, dying to protect those he loved, and a building where those he loves go off to join him in death.

    Somebody stop me . . .

  6. linlah says:

    Skeeved out, I haven’t heard that in a very long time and you know bunnies are mean, right.

  7. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    Hilarious post. We humans are ingenious when it comes to combining things into odd pairings. I guess if you’ll accept Hugh Hefner and the Twins, you’ll go for just about anything.

    Merry Christmas, Oma! My life has been so enriched by your posts. Don’t stop!

    • omawarisan says:

      I categorically reject Hefner and the Twins. In fact, any man in robe, I reject.

      Thank you very much for the encouragement! That is without question, the first ever association between enrichment and me.

  8. planetross says:

    Hair salon/Ice cream parlour: I’ll take two scoops of barbacide please!

    note: Blond Stranger should change his name to Blood Stranger … it’s catchier!
    Blood Relative, Blood Brother, Blood Stranger, …

    double note: Have a great Christmas!

    • omawarisan says:

      I knew someone who committed barbacide. Violence is not the answer, even for a bad haircut.

      The stranger is no stranger. She goes by many names, mostly The Brains Of The Operation. This is due to her status as the only person in or group with a brain when we are together.

  9. Thomas says:

    Reminds me of the Bob Newhart skit about the Mrs. Grace L. Ferguson Airline and Storm Door Company.

  10. Keli says:

    It’s going to take me a while to recover from the thought of the ice cream parlor/hair salon combo.
    I love it – “everything works if you let it.” I’m very practically minded. I’ve been thinking of opening a tattoo parlor/urgent care center. For the downtime and any possible errors in design.

    PS Merry Christmas to you and your family!

  11. spencercourt says:

    Speaking of funeral home “add ons”…. here’s a master plan that a funeral home located in the boonies has. We gave some federal “economic development” funds for Phase 1 (just public water/sewer extension; nothing to the business itself).

    Remember, this funeral home is “away” from everything….Between two small cities that have little.

    Phase 1: a Huddle House restaurant. View the body and eat (or vice versa)

    Phase 2: a hotel. (Stay close to the loved one.)

    Phase 3: bowling alley. Work off the food you ate at the Huddle House before going to bed.

    Phase IV: movie theatee: for those who don’t bowl.

    Phase V: conference center. And why not… there’s a hotel, restaurant, bowling alley and movie theater.

  12. dottiemaggie says:

    OHMYGODYES. Brilliant idea. Petting cuddling animals makes everything better. And distracting children makes everyone happier. GENIUS.

    (the clinic I work at, we have a funeral home to one side of us, and a daycare to the other side of us. we’re not a petting zoo, but we do have a clinic cat. . . and usually a dog or two in the waiting room at any given moment)

    I’ve never seen such nonsensical combinations as you have, I must say. The ‘landmark’ shop that let’s people know where my hospital is to is a 24 hour convenience store/bakery. Like, they have all your cake making and decorating needs, and make cakes. If you want a cake that says “Good luck, Thunder Pants!” at 3am, that’s where you go. (true story) If you want anything at 3am, it’s a good spot to go. Pepsi, beer, deli meats, whatever. Nice for those bad nights on call. . .

    • omawarisan says:

      Oh, you’re going to throw out “Good luck, Thunder Pants!” and just walk away like that is enough? That is against the Geneva Convention.

      • dottiemaggie says:

        bahahaha, it’s not an easy story to tell… there was wine, a large cup, a 50kg dog, and a drunk musician. He earned the nickname “Thunder Pants”, as we all had to have “Something Pants” nicknames, and we he left on tour we, his Pants Family, had to get him a cake… only seemed fitting..
        the 3am cake maker gave my buddy the stink eye when he made his decoration request 😉

        (this cake was covered in little sponge bob square pants figurines, that we then each took on ‘tour’ with us. and we were to photograph them having random adventures. mine played with testicles.)

  13. cr8df8 says:

    The “Things That Make You Hmmm” combo in my town is the swimming pool supplies cum fancy cake making & decorating supplies store. Sweeper in the front, Beater in the rear.

    Ugh. Bad play on an old joke.

    Yeah, so anyhoo, the store is actually quite charming in all of its weirdness. And such an obvious sample of a husband & wife agreeing to disagree.

    • omawarisan says:

      That’s a great combination!

      The husband and wife aspect reminds me of a scuba shop/diabetic supply buisness I found once. Her diabetic supply biz still goes on.

      Welcome to Blurt!

  14. […] Click here to learn about the oddest Christmas tree lot, ever. […]

  15. Odd but for some reason it made sense to me to sell dead trees at a funeral home. It could be that as a child I spent a great deal of time in the funeral home scenario (picture Six Feet Under but not as cool). It was just a normal place for me and my sisters. We had a great time making it our playground. Hide and seek was one of our favourites.

  16. Debbie says:

    This is good, even if it’s leftovers (which probably ought to be outlawed!). Have missed seeing you, Oma — will try to remedy that in the new year!

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