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White Christmas Killing Thousands Across The South

Snow across several southern US states, including North Carolina, has given many people their fondest wish, a White Christmas. Sadly, this White Christmas will be the last Christmas for so many.

Bing’s Song Of Starvation

WHITE CHRISTMAS

Laugh you bastard, laugh. (Image by Zellaby via Flickr)

Sentimental southerners have, for years, heard Bing Crosby and others sing of how wonderful it is to have snow on Christmas. They were lured by Bing into believing this was a good idea despite the fact that on all other days of the year, they both hate and fear frozen precipitation.

Now, upon getting their dream of a White Christmas, many are coming to recognize that folly signals their demise.

It Is Snowing, Get Bread, Milk and Eggs!

Here in the south, the first and only thing people do when it begins snowing is to buy bread, milk and eggs. It is critical to buy as much of these three things in whatever form they can be obtained. If the only thing available in the bread section of the grocery store is hot dog rolls, that is what you should buy.

Charlotte, NC has a one percent chance of seeing a White Christmas in any given year. When the impossible started to come true this year, people rushed to the supermarkets to get those three must have items.

Oh For The Love Of God!

The seal of North Carolina bears the date of t...

Esse Quam Videri is Latin for "Oh God, SNOWWWW! (Image via Wikipedia)

When they arrived at the stores, the darkened aisles and locked doors reminded the frenzied masses that it was Christmas. Several dozen people died in supermarket parking lots yesterday from the shock of realizing they would endure a storm without new containers of milk, eggs and bread.

Those who survived the initial shock returned home, locked their doors and began drafting wills as starvation set in. Even now, as the snow continues to drift down in tiny flakes, makeshift morgues are being set up by the authorities to handle the fallen.

What Can Be Done?

Picture of french toast

Here's what you can do (Image via Wikipedia)

When devastation hit the Gulf Coast, people rose up to help. The Haitian Earthquake spurred a huge outpouring of charity and concern. North Carolina and it’s neighbors need that kind of help now.

Bring as much milk, bread and eggs as you can afford to give to your nearest National Guard Armory. Demand that they convoy it to the nearest Air National Guard Post for airdrop into the cities and towns affected by this winter blast.

To help the most desperate, consider mixing the three ingredients together and making French Toast. Even now, a day after the snow began falling, many are too weak to make their own French Toast. Remember, no donation is too small to make a difference.

We are the world.

We are the children.

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25 Comments on “White Christmas Killing Thousands Across The South”

  1. betty says:

    Up here in the northeast, we rush to the liquor store in preparation for snow storms.Thank goodness for the bottles of wine many exchange as hostess gifts for holiday dinners. Snow started about ten minutes ago. We are under a blizzard warning, 10-20 inches, with white out conditions. That means a lot of wine.

  2. Katybeth says:

    Consider it done. I would not want our flakey Southern neighbors to parish from lack of milk, eggs, and bread. Really. In the north if we have the opportunity to plan for a blizzard we buy hot chocolate mix and mini-marshmellows.

  3. Todd Pack says:

    Oma, it’s been snowing in Nashville since Friday. We have at least 1 inch of snow on the ground, and we might get another one-half inch before this nightmare is over. I’m so cold … so … cold….

    • omawarisan says:

      Oh God, and your children are so young! My family isn’t here, so I have extra bread. I’ll send french toast, listen for airplane sounds and light some wet leaves so they can find you.

  4. We found him Captain!! says:

    After reading your weather advisory I rushed to my local market just as they were locking the door. I squeezed past the key boy and ran up to the bread aisle. There was no bread so I tackled some old guy carrying a huge bag of large salty pretzels, I ran away with the pretzels before he could get up. I removed my mask and hoofed it over to the milk counter, it was crowded with people waiting. I ran through the back door marked “employees only”. ( I worked in a supermarket back in 1953) I got into the walk in refrigerator and found a gallon of goat’s milk. I ran back to the public area and got to the dairy counter to find some eggs . They only had duck eggs so I got the last ones. Three of the eggs were cracked.

    I checked myself out at the self checkout, and got in my car in record time. On the drive home I skidded into two city owned rock salt trucks. No significant damage, they filled my trunk with rock salt for free.

    Now I’m home having duck egg pretzel French toast, goat milk with chocolate syrup. It’s quite good.

    I’m going back later wearing my football helmet, shoulder pads and cleats. I need some vy- senna sausages for dinner.

    Thank you for your weather advisory and the casualty report…..you may have saved my life.

  5. spencercourt says:

    I’m not sure what the percentage for Floridians t see snow is, but I assume it is less than 1%. But we could see it next week as the temps will be in high 20s for the third time so far.
    But, if I am snowed in I still have 9 pounds of that dark Claxton fruitcake so I’ll survive.

    BTW, the NC and FL seals are very similar. Both show sailing ships and a Native American.

    • omawarisan says:

      No, it can’t be cold there. My son is heading out in the morning to play at The Champs Sports Bowl in Orlando. The band has already been delayed by this winter kill storm, youve got to have the heat on for them when they get there!

      Does Florida have a cornucopia? We paid extra for that.

  6. Zahara says:

    Dang, I’d really like to lend a hand, but I’m afraid that if I flew down there and started frying up thick slabs of Texas toast dripping with egg and milk in a hot skillet of sizzling butter on my camp stove and then stacked them lovingly on a platter and proceeded to sprinkle the whole luscious mess with powdered sugar, the drifting white stuff might inadvertently spark a flashback among the gathered refugees and they’d jump in their cars and head for the store.

  7. Wendi says:

    And here I thought the grocery store stampede at the mere mention of a flurry was a Baltimore thing. Glad to know that we’re not the only ones who engage in the crazy.

  8. As much as I’d like to assist starving Southerners, customs regulations prevents me from shipping food items into the U.S. from Canada…I could probably spare an ice scraper or two…

    Wendy

    • omawarisan says:

      Oh, now I know where the ice scraper is! Where were you with this offer this morning at 4:30 when I was heading to work in the middle of the 2″ death storm? I thought we were tight, Wendy!

  9. Kim Pugliano says:

    We had rain like 4 days in a row last week. Where were you then Oma?

  10. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    Betty has the right idea. And, consider adding some of that wine to the French Toast egg/milk mixture. Yum. When I lived in Minneapolis, I never noticed throngs of people rushing to the grocery stores during blizzards or -40 degree temps. But it was sometimes difficult to find antifreeze during the coldest weather. Not that antifreeze does much good when it’s really cold. Pikers, these southerners, a bunch of pikers.

  11. I have a picture somewhere from last year when Kiefer and I went to the grocery store. The entire bread aisle was empty except for a lone pack of hot dog rolls. You called it!

  12. Hehehehe. . . didn’t realize North Carolina was the South, at least not from my view here in Texas (smirk). Really: yankees shouldn’t laugh. At least we don’t call out the National Guard in the middle of August when temperatures go above 85.

  13. dottiemaggie says:

    NORTH CAROLINA HAD A WHITE CHRISTMAS AND I DIDN’T?!
    so. rotted. right. now. omg.

    newfoundland broke my heart this year, not gonna lie…


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