If I Had A BlimpPosted: January 3, 2011
December and January are the peak of football season in the United States. Those months are also peak season for something I like nearly as much as football. December and January are blimp season.
Blimps are over every major college and professional football game. Corporations see them as great promotional tools. I think I would be able to put a blimp to better use. I am adding a blimp to the list of things I will buy when I am ridiculously wealthy.
Some of you may recall that not long ago I expressed my desire to own a Predator Drone. I don’t think there is anything wrong with me having both. Each has its own particular benefit, I could adapt them both to suit my needs. Besides, part of being ridiculously wealthy involves ridiculous excess…like owning a drone and a blimp.
I’ve already made a few decisions about my blimp. I think this should make my purchase experience much smoother when I go to the blimp dealership.
Their size and shape make blimps a perfect vehicle for delivering a visual message.
But, other than those who have religions based on them, no one has tapped the potential of having their message delivered by a voice from above. I am nothing if not a tapper of potential. My blimp will be equipped with sufficient audio power to make myself heard clearly on the ground.
I will be able to aim the speakers for maximum effect on my intended target. If I leased the use of my blimp to a company for a football game, the ability to fly over the stadium and have 360 degree message distribution capability would make my blimp a cost effective advertising solution.
Pause here and look back upon my use of the phrases “360 degree message distribution capability” and “cost effective advertising solution”. When I go into meetings and start throwing gibberish like that around, companies won’t be able to pay for my blimp fast enough.
More important than the income generating potential of a blimp with sound is the vehicle’s mischief generation potential. I could say anything to anyone. I would rain derisive remarks upon those who deserve it, for instance, people who put a wing on the back of their car.
The potential uses of sarcasm from above are exciting, aren’t they?
My blimp will be black on the outside. Every bit of it, black.
My black blimp will be able to move in secrecy at night, providing me the chance to slip up on my targets. They’ll be unaware I am even there until I blast them out of their homes with sound and my powerful searchlights.
It goes without saying that, like all the coolest blimps, mine will have some sort of message board along its sides. My visual messaging ability won’t stop there.
What my blimp will have is the ability to project still and video images on the sides of buildings, monuments, even up onto clouds. This will be more than just some high tech Bat Signal.
Imagine the potential of me using the blimp to help you out by projecting Slim Whitman videos, complete with sound, against the front of the home of someone who ticked you off at work. After a night with Slim they would be putty in your hands.
The Other Advantages
My blimp will be much more than a way for me to interfere in the lives of others.
Travelling by blimp will be very enjoyable. I wont pretend it is as fast as by jet, but moving without any traffic delays make it perfect for medium distance travel. I anticipate having a large enough gondola to accommodate friends going along for the ride and luggage for all of us.
The effect of arriving somewhere by blimp can’t be overrated. Imagine us arriving at a resort, tying my blimp to a palm tree and checking in. Everyone would know you were one of the people who got off the blimp. You would be the subject of much admiration and speculation.
The hidden treasure of blimp ownership isn’t really hidden at all. Take a look at this picture of a blimp hangar. This is a huge enclosed space. The blimp inside doesn’t even come close to filling the building.
Guess what comes with a blimp? A blimp hangar. Imagine the party I could throw in my blimp hangar. There is room for a stage and a band. I could send my blimp out to pick up you up. You’d be flown right into the party and I’d have my Mariachi performing as you got off the blimp.
I didn’t mention my Mariachi band? Maybe we’ll talk about that later.
- The Farmers Airship, Airship Ventures’ Zeppelin Eureka Attempting World Distance Record (eon.businesswire.com)