Take The Cannoli – My Internal Dialogue At BlockbusterPosted: January 7, 2011
Blockbuster Video Manager: While I’m checking out your DVD, I have to tell you that you won’t be able to rent here after January 10.
Me: Oh, ok
My Internal Voice: I won’t? What did I do wrong? Wait, January 10…I’m going to do something wrong, I just don’t know what yet.
BVM: This store is closing…
Me: Oh I’m sorry.
MIV: Well, yeah, everyone knows your company is circling the drain.
BVM: …because the greedy landlord wants more money for the space…
Me: Dude. (The sorrowful, empathetic way of saying dude, not the excited one)
MIV: Isn’t saying greedy landlord redundant? Why is she wasting words?
BVM: …so he is renting the space to a plastic surgeon.
Me: He’s greedy.
MIV: She’s already advanced that opinion, Sparky. Maybe you could express an opinion of your own?
BVM: He doesn’t realize how many lives he is changing…
Me: Yeah, it is a tough time to find jobs. I’m sorry that is happening to you.
MIV: I say the nicest things to strangers sometimes. My parents did a hell of a job.
BVM: …(pointing at an adjoining coffee shop and a women’s clothing store) … it is going to affect them too…
MIV: No coffee shop? Where am I going to get my peppermint hot chocolate before I go to the supermarket?
BVM: We bring them a lot of business, it is going to affect the economy.
Me: I hadn’t thought about that.
MIV: You’re really reaching here.
BVM: A lot of people would leave here and stop in to those other shops, that’s going to end.
Me: Oh yeah…probably so.
MIV: Come on, this is probably the greatest thing ever for the women’s clothing shop…new breasts, new top!
BVM: You’ll still be able to rent at the two stores north of here. I’m going to be at the store near the lake.
Me: Oh, cool.
MIV: The economy is saved! Give me my DVD, this has gone far enough.
BVM: They want to keep this a nice area, but they open up a Dollar Store?
Me: The Dollar Store is the best place to buy those toy guns that shoot those plastic discs.
MIV: Ha! That was me! You let me out! I won’t let you down!
BVM: The guns that shoot plastic discs…oh yeah, I know what you’re talking about. Yeah, they’ll have them, but they won’t be the brand name ones.
Me: The brand name ones? Come on, have you ever had a brand name disc shooting gun?
MIV: YES! This is great! I love you, man. Keep going!
BVM: The dollar ones don’t last.
Me: Last?!? They’re not supposed to last. You shoot the discs, gradually losing a few each time until you’re down to just one disc…
MIV: Godfather! The Godfather….SAY IT!!!
BVM: Thanks for coming in, sir.
Me: …then you sneak up behind your brother and you drill him in the back with your last disc. Leave the gun, take the cannoli…like in The Godfather.
MIV: YES!!!! YESSSS! We are the man, Omawarisan. Let’s go now.
Walking to the car…
MIV: Was it good for you?
MIV: That last question was all awkward, wasn’t it? I’m sorry.