Plummeting Birds. I Will Be Ready.Posted: January 10, 2011
Today, I discuss a topic ripped from last week’s headlines…
New Years Eve started what seems to be a new trend among birds – falling from the sky en masse. Birds have taken the plunge in Arkansas, Louisiana, Alabama, Sweden and Italy. I gather that this is not completely unheard of in natural history. It is unheard of in my history and I am totally unprepared for it.
I realize that, beyond looking for a very sturdy umbrella, there really isn’t anything I can do if birds start falling around me. The only thing I can do is try to be prepared with something to say.
I know that without preparation I can count on coming out with something articulate like “what the heck?” or “whoa, did you see that?” This is a lot less than I’d expect from myself. I can do better now that I know I need to be prepared.
Let’s review a couple ideas I have on things to say and do when birds start falling.
I love the television show, Iron Chef. More specifically, I love the original Japanese version of the show. “The Chairman” is more over the top than in the American version. I also like the bizarre ingredients like snake faces and boneless chimp.
One thing I have considered is doing an Iron Chef tribute. I’m thinking of a recreation of the opening, when The Chairman reveals the secret ingredient the chefs must cook with. Once I realize that a lot of birds are there, I will cover some of them with my sweatshirt. Then, I will whip the shirt back and yell out “today’s secret ingredient is…Red Winged Blackbird!
Maybe that is a little obscure.
Say It In Song
My other idea is to come up with a song for the occasion. I think there will be a lot of panic when people recognize that birds are making unconventional landings around them. A bit of singing might help settle down people around me.
I thought I could sing a little of the Beatles song Blackbird. Maybe I’d change it a little and call it Blackbird, Oh, Never Mind.
Maybe I could do a little improvisation on the theme “It’s Raining Birds”. I might throw a verse or two of scat singing in for good measure.
As Always, Preparation Is Critical.
My preparation for this matter is just beginning. Now that I know it is possible for a thousand birds to fall out of the sky around me, I see the need to be ready.
As always, I am open to your input.