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The Jolie Pez Project – The Jolie In Baltimore, Hon!

In her final stop on her tour of my home state, The Jolie arrives (eventually) in Baltimore, Maryland for her last stop of 2010. In Baltimore, she spent time with Wendi, who runs a great food oriented site called Bon Appetit Hon.

The Jolie took her time getting to Baltimore. In the end, a trip that would have taken 45 minutes by car took the Jolie twelve days by mail. It is during that trip that Wendi picks up the story…

14 Dec 2010

Dear Diary, his Blurtness has asked if I would like to host The Jolie.  Wow.  What could I say but yes?  Oh but I forgot to ask whether there are any instructions I need to follow while caring for her.  I’ve seen what happens when you get a Mogwai wet or feed it after midnight.  I’d hate to be responsible for creating an army of Gremlin Jolie’s.

17 Dec 2010

DD, got word that The Jolie is on her way.

20 Dec 2010

Eat this cupcake. You can thank me later. (image via bonappetithon.com)

DD, I thought for sure The Jolie would have arrived by now.  The Jolie Watch is officially in Day 3. I did manage to freak Blurt out with my bloggy E.S.P. and directed him to some killer cupcakes. (I provided a link to the cupcake recipe Wendi directed me to. You should follow it, buy the ingredients and make them. Everyone should eat one of those cupcakes in their lifetime – O.)

22 Dec 2010

DD, is The Jolie walking here?  TJW Day 5.

25 Dec 2010

DD, situation looking grave.  TJW Day 8.

27 Dec 2010

DD, I’m hoping this isn’t going to become an unsolved mystery like Amelia Earhart or the Bermuda Triangle.  Although that could certainly lend some mystique to the legend of The Jolie.  TJW Day 10.

28 Dec 2010

DD, I wonder if I could get The Jolie’s picture on a milk carton.  Someone has to know where she is.  Aren’t the first 48 hours after a disappearance the most critical?  Well, we’ve gone way past that now.  Maybe one of The Jolie’s previous hosts reported getting a ransom note?  Perhaps they’ve demanded world peace or that Brad shave that dreadful facial hair?  TJS Day 11.  PS, this would make a spectacular Lifetime Movie…The Tale of The Jolie.  I wonder who Blurt could get to play me?

29 Dec 2010

DD, it’s a New Year’s Eve Eve Eve miracle…The Jolie has arrived.  I couldn’t get any details from her about where she was for twelve days.  More later, I want to let Her Jolieness stretch her legs.

29 Dec 2010

DD, The Jolie wasted no time getting the lay of the land.  She was drawn to all of the building models at work and kept trying to breach their perimeters and break inside.  She doesn’t seem to understand that they aren’t real.

Gotta go, she’s made her way to the big H’burg waterfront model and is towering over the city like Godzilla.

29 Dec 2010

DD, dang that Jolie is quick.  I had to hogtie her just to get her back in the box for the trip home.  Lord, please don’t let her go all Laura Croft on me when I release her from captivity again.

30 Dec 2010

DD, after last night’s experience with The Jolie, I think it’s best to get her back to a maximum security facility as soon as possible.  I don’t know how it all went so bad so fast.

First she had a bath and a bit of a nap alongside the cat.

Then when she was rested, instead of letting me fix her a snack, she hopped right into the pantry and started rummaging around.  I had to trap her in a mason jar like a lightning bug.

After I removed her from the non-perishables, she made a beeline for our Christmas tree and started climbing it.

I think the sock money may never recover from his brush with The Jolie in the tree.  I don’t know what she whispered into his ear but he hasn’t smiled since.

It was definitely a mistake was not quarantining her from the action figures that live here.  When she woke up, St. Anthony of Bacon and The Roaming Gnome had snuck in to see her.

I think they tipped her off to the Potato Heads and Nutcrackers that guard the basement.  After I pried her away from sock monkey in the tree, she was downstairs getting all chummy with Hoffbrau.

Clearly, he’s not the guard I thought he was.  She was all over him and he just stood there holding his beer and smiling.  I spied her trying to hide from me in one of the beer steins.

When that plan failed, she attempted to carjack Austin Power’s Shaguar but the joke was on her since that thing has been out of gas since we got it.

The Potato Heads finally came on the scene but they fell one by one.  Darth Tater was the last to topple as The Jolie pried her tiny Jolie hands under his mask.  DD, it was an ugly sight.

Thankfully the rest of the Nutcrackers provided backup and managed to apprehend her Jolieness.

She pleaded for mercy, even hiding behind the shield of the American Flag.

And then in a last ditch effort to evade justice, she went to the big man…Uncle Sam himself.

I had no idea The Jolie could wreak so much havoc in so little time.  I’ve entrusted her transfer to the Feds and hear that she may be deported.

I hope the Mounties are ready for her.

I hope the Mounties are ready too, because last night brought news that The Jolie has arrived at her first destination in Canada. I expect a strain in diplomatic relations with that great nation soon.

My thanks to Wendi and Bon Appetit Hon for hosting The Jolie during what seemed to be a particularly wild mood for her. I am sorry for any difficulties she caused while you had her, Wendi. Thanks, hon!

The rest of you, please do yourself a favor, follow the cupcake link and go buy some marshmallow fluff. Roam Bon Appetit Hon and pick up a few more good dinner and dessert ideas while you’re there. Ok, Hon? Ok.

PS – For non “Murlanders”, Hon is a greeting (“Hi, hon”), a term of affection for friends regardless of gender, a term of appreciation for someone who has been helpful (“thanks for your business, hon”). In Baltimore, anyone who is a friend or just good to you is a “Hon”. It is part of the culture of the state and city.

Hon is under attack from a business woman who has trademarked the word! This is the equivalent of trademarking Aloha in Hawaii. No, it is worse. Shame on her.

As always, thanks for reading, Hon.

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33 Comments on “The Jolie Pez Project – The Jolie In Baltimore, Hon!”

  1. Todd Pack says:

    Great pictures, but I’m telling you, that Jolie ain’t nothin’ but trouble. The Canadians won’t know what hit ’em.

  2. spencercourt says:

    Perhaps the Jolie had a special, secret mission before arriving in Baltimore….

  3. The Jolie has arrived safely at her first Canadian stop in New Brunswick…there were a few tense moments at the border, when she refused to allow customs officials to rummage through her backpack which contained her vast collection of cosmetics…

    We’re going on our tour of Saint John this afternoon…

    Wendy

  4. dottiemaggie says:

    bahahaha, such shenanigans! loves it 🙂
    (also, am dieing to try those cupcakes. considered abandoning original chocolate chip banana bread plans for today and making those instead. . . but I have no marshmallow fluff. drat. added to grocery list, will be making them next weekend for sure!!)

    I’m sure The Jolie will have oodles of fun in the great white north! (which, on my end, is actually finally white… weeeee!) She might need to watch her language, though, apparently we’re very sensitive up here. . .

  5. Brooke says:

    Wendipants, you’re more awesome than I originally thought. One, because your nutcrackers are holding Hofbrauhaus mugs. And two, did you really say Saint Anthony of Bacon? 🙂

  6. Hippie Cahier says:

    Mmmmm…cupcakes. Superfabulous job, Wendy!

  7. So glad The Jolie finally made it! I love The Jolie and cat picture. My cat just wanted to eat her.

    I’m off to make those cupcakes!

    • omawarisan says:

      Good move. Make the cupcakes. Love the cupcakes.

      So weird that it took so long for her to get there! Thanks for getting her on her way.

      • Wendi says:

        I thought The Jolie was a goner. That maybe she had decided to hitch hike from Frederick and got picked up by some sociopath out on I-70.

        I think if The Jolie has gotten into the catnip then Shadow would have given her a lick or two. But he’s really loyal to his kibble.

  8. Save the Sock Monkey! The Jolie is heartless.

    Writerwoman61, you and your stuffed animals are in my thoughts and prayers. For the love of God, do NOT let her into the book store!

  9. Katybeth says:

    Oh my, the waiting for Jolie was too funny. I am thinking you might want to consider putting a Jolie alert into place..just in case….
    I love cupcakes. You had me at marshmallow fluff. How impossible are they to make? I will go and look…

  10. linlah says:

    Maybe the Jolie was acting out after being held captive by the postal system.

  11. Kate says:

    Oh my goodness, that’s a funny one!!

  12. Zahara says:

    I think it’s unfair to expect the Jolie to go from point A to point B directly. She’s not that kind of woman. I’m proud of her for doing her own thing before heading off to yet another photoshoot. Hope she got in some good shopping or lunch in Paris.


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